And finally?

"A blog is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order."

... blah, blah, blah. Thus speaks Wikipedia. As for me, well all I know is that blogging takes a lot of time and energy. I mean, all that updating on a regular basis, all that keeping up with the Joneses - who's got time for it? Not me, that's for sure.

So if all you're interested in is finding it out first or funniest, then you will not want to explore my lil' blog. You'll see the date - Jan 1st, 2009 - and think to yourself who wants to read yesterday's news.

Who indeed?

And what I say to you in return is a polite "adios amigo" - I hope you get your fill of all that up-to-date whizz-bang BLOG, I really do. See ya!...

And to anyone else still left reading I say take a look around! Read what happened in May 2006. Wonder what I know about wisdom, words or welationships. Or take a peek around the world in 30 days.

As I said, blogs have voracious appetites for new content. Content, content, content! New, new, new! And I just ain't got time for it! And I know dammed well that you ain't read hardly any of the stuff I've written so far.

So, please, get reading. Check out the labels on the left, and dive in. I do not bite. Not unless you ask me, of course.

Cos I'm off, see! Got bigger fish to fry. (I hope.) Go on! Click on those links on the left hand side. It won't hurt. I promise. And leave the actress and the bishop alone, eh!

---

And so, as 2009 begins, I'd like to bow out with a few last sentences. Both have been used many times before, but they've never made an appearance together. So give it up for...

• And it's goodbye from me, and it's goodbye from Him!
  
  and
  
  
• "That's how two characters should dance together in life."

THE END

Day 30: Merry Christmas

To everyone that either knows me or Him, Merry Christmas.

And may you get what you want in your Christmas stockingS(!).

If it's a gift from me (or Him) then apologies in advance - we lost your address (or never had it in the first place).

Day 29: Now We're Talking...

Boy, I got so much to say and so little time.

Let's kick off with a little bit of night music, shall we. No, there's no Mozart below - it's music by a Brit, no less: Mr Elgar. And there's also one Jaqueline Dupre letting her genius shine on through.

Now I'm more into Beethoven meself, but I'm just doing Him a favour by putting this here! He wants to put a marker down, see, as 2009 approaches. And I'm all for doing it doggie-style - territorially speaking, of course.

Anyway, I'll shut up. Listen. Enjoy. Read on...



Can anything be stranger than fiction?

Well, just ask Harold Crick, I suppose, or read more than 5 posts of this blog.

That Harold Crick's a morbid one, though. I mean what sort of line is this to run by your one and only friend in the world?...

"If you knew you were gonna die, possibly soon, what would you do?"

Still, it's a line that will be making a comeback in a second novel coming soon.

And the name of that novel?

You Only Die Twice

(By the way, not one single word has been written so far. Ah, that's a lie! The first line has been written. Yep, it's one of those books inspired by a single sentence. Again! I just thank the lucky stars I have nothing to do with it. Well at least I hope I don't!)


Even James Bond...

...suffers from the odd bout of angst, it seems. (With a face like that - as if he's got a moutful of wasps in his gob - ol' Daniel C. does well to keep it just the odd bout, if you ask me!) Still, as my lines start to run out, I guess I should take a quantum of solace from that fact. Guess so. Yes, even JB has to think about more than King and Country sometimes.

As for BJ...

Well, it'll soon be Christmas!

Day 28: More Boring John EXTRAS

It seems The World According to Boring John has been 'made smaller'.

Yes, at the final hurdle some 10,000 words were culled, deleted - deemed not to be 'quite right'.

And that means more words for the Boring John Extras ebook. Extras like these gems that had to be removed for reasons of copyright...

1. First line / last lines

The Old Man and The Sea by Ernest Hemingway

“He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish.”

and

“The old man was dreaming about the lions.”

(Great book, by the way.)

And Ken Kesey’s novel, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, starts with these lines: “They’re out there. Black boys in white suits up before me to commit sex acts in the hall and get it mopped up before I can catch them.”

and it finishes with this one

“I been away a long time.”

2. More book references...

Now both Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy) and The Unbearable Lightness of Being (Milan Kundera) get a mention

--

More coming soon. Promise.

Day 27: "Itty bitty, but satisfying!" (*)

Dear Ms Itty Bitty,

If you ever get time to finish the whole of that 2-character gig We sent you, then We'd love to hear your one-sentence review, We really would!

We'll even put it on the back cover, when it gets pubished - promise!

And, as we're pretty sure the card is not in the post, We'll wish you a Merry Christmas now:

Wesołych Świąt Bożego Narodzenia!

Wow, what a mouthful! (**)

(*) We are assured that this is not what the actress said to the Bishop!
(**) Neither was that.

Day 26: One Day in the Life of...

One day in the life of Boring John...

(Yes, you can see why that Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn went with my mate Ivan Denisovich instead of me, can't you! Sometimes bugger all happens in my day, it really does!)

Day 25: Boring Names...

Ian is a bit of a boring name - like John, I agree.

But that doesn't mean that some of us Johns (and Ians) can't get up to stuff, now do it!

Me and Ian Dury don't think so, anyway...

(RIP Ian, mate. Looking good!...)