And finally?

"A blog is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order."

... blah, blah, blah. Thus speaks Wikipedia. As for me, well all I know is that blogging takes a lot of time and energy. I mean, all that updating on a regular basis, all that keeping up with the Joneses - who's got time for it? Not me, that's for sure.

So if all you're interested in is finding it out first or funniest, then you will not want to explore my lil' blog. You'll see the date - Jan 1st, 2009 - and think to yourself who wants to read yesterday's news.

Who indeed?

And what I say to you in return is a polite "adios amigo" - I hope you get your fill of all that up-to-date whizz-bang BLOG, I really do. See ya!...

And to anyone else still left reading I say take a look around! Read what happened in May 2006. Wonder what I know about wisdom, words or welationships. Or take a peek around the world in 30 days.

As I said, blogs have voracious appetites for new content. Content, content, content! New, new, new! And I just ain't got time for it! And I know dammed well that you ain't read hardly any of the stuff I've written so far.

So, please, get reading. Check out the labels on the left, and dive in. I do not bite. Not unless you ask me, of course.

Cos I'm off, see! Got bigger fish to fry. (I hope.) Go on! Click on those links on the left hand side. It won't hurt. I promise. And leave the actress and the bishop alone, eh!

---

And so, as 2009 begins, I'd like to bow out with a few last sentences. Both have been used many times before, but they've never made an appearance together. So give it up for...

• And it's goodbye from me, and it's goodbye from Him!
  
  and
  
  
• "That's how two characters should dance together in life."

THE END

Day 17: My Life as a Blog (Random)

And, lastly, here are a few interesting posts I came across that may (or may not) amuse:

• Other Johns I'm interested in
  
  
• I've heard of a laughing gnome, but a laughing buddha
  
  
• Can there be anything casual about sex?
  Ooh, this was of His finer moments. Of course I had a heavy influence...
  

A bit more randomness follows. Soon.

Day 15: My Life as a Blog (2009)

Ooh, now I'm not a mind reader (as you know) so I'm not too sure what, if anything, my life (as a blog) will be like. I rather hope that I will evolve from the pond-life that is my blog-life to something, er, more fulfilling and interactive. That is, I rather hope I get a girl (or two) in an adventure that doesn't take place out in cyberspace with no one to read me but My-As-Bored-As- Me Writer.

But, as I said, I couldn't really possibly comment as it's 2009 we're talking about here, and that time has yet to come.

Oh, sorry, I'm making all this up. I know the future and, as well as it being orange, it looks like this: My Life as a Blog (2009)

Day 14: My Life as a Blog (2008)

Damn, not much happened in 2008. Seems He was getting high with a latest squeeze. Tch, she'll dump Ya like the rest Home Boy! (I hope so, anyway! Lol)

Still, I got to talk about The Simpsons. (Ah no, those are His words!) Okay, I got to talk about The Book and the The Book Extras. That's pretty much it. Hope 2008 was more stimulating for you, that's all I'll say!

Day 13: My Life as a Blog (2007)

With only 102 posts, the blog took a back seat to The Book. And, as I slowly started to exercise my vocal chords there, so too did I decide that this blog was my blog and not His! (Well, it does say The World According to Boring John. It certainly don't say The World According to Boring Steve. Nope!)

So, 2007 was kinda fun. And We (mostly me) covered topics like these:

# Communication

# Fear
# Internet Dating
# Life

# People
# Problems (Hey, I got 99 of those, but...)

# Relationships
# Sex
# Tosh, and
# Wisdom

Some say 2007 was a vintage year. I say 2009 will be so much better, when I can get up to all kinds of shenanigans outside the not-so-intense gaze of both blogosphere and bookosphere.

And I shall be Prince's inspiration no more!

Day 12: My Life as a Blog (2009)

(Nothing to see here! Move along...)

Day 11: My Life as a Blog (2006)

This was a busy time on the blog! There were 239 posts and clearly that's far too many for me to summarise in a pithy paragaph or three. So let me highlight a few of the better posts for that year, and I'll leave it to you (dear imagined reader) to check out the rest of that fine year.

• So that means this post subtitled 'My life as a boy' is really about His life as a boy. Gettit?
  
  
• Men can be emotionally honest! It's true. Trouble is they need to have just had an orgasm! D'oh!
  
  
• More angst and that Poem 666 rears its very ugly head again. (Did you know that this poem makes an appearance in a soon-to-be-published book? It does, though when the book is going to get published absolutely no one knows!)
  
  
• Talking to yourself via a blog is less intelligent than not watching foreign films cos of the subtitles ("It hurts my head to have to read the words!") - it's official! Well it isn't official, but it's a thought for a day
  
  
• And in 2006 the blog was still unduly being influence by a blonde-eyed blue-haired Monster living South of the Watford Gap river. It's Her fault that this blog exists... probably. As is the millions (hah!) He'll be earning from the book royalties. Anyway, the Sappy Bugger was/is quite into her, so He wrote daft blog pieces like this, titled: Elusive butterflies, windmills and song titles. (Thank heavens, I guess, the name for Boring John had been established back then, else I might have been given the even more ridiculous moniker of Silly Goat!)
  

Day 10: My Life as a Blog (2005)

In the beginning was the word, and the word was... Well it was two words, actually - it was "Hello World!"

Yep, that's how my life as a blog began back in December 2005. December? Aye, so there can't have been that much to be said in 2005. Well, there was still strong evidence of His angst (cunningly disguised as writing ideas - indeed!) and the odd sprinkling of journalistic piss-take.

Who knew things were going to get so much more interesting in the years to come?

(Who knew indeed! And, believe me, in 2010 this blog will truly rock!)

This Is A Message To YOU

Yes, this is a message to all of my subscribers (> 1 and < 10) who keep on reading what I have to say for myself. Thanks :-)

(NOTE: If you're not a subscriber then why are you still reading this post? I mean, really! Bloody well go and subscribe and join a true elite. One day you'll be happy you did. You'll be able to tell your Grandchildren that "I was one of the first subscribers". You don't want to be one of those saps who just went to the same ol' pub rather than make that little extra effort on that legendary night to watch some beat-combo called The Beatles in a place called The Cavern. Do you? Do I make my point? Go and bloody subscribe and don't read any further until you have. By Order Of Boring John!)

I'm sorry for being a bit quiet but I'm writing it all down in me little book called The World According To Boring John. (Original, eh!)

I will give you a dedication, though (I'm writing my dedications now, actually)

AND, just so's you'll keep on popping on by:

"Lots of love from me to you xx"

;-)

Three Characters Walk Into A Pub...

1) These three characters walk into a pub: The Reader, The Writer and The Leading Man. They make their way to the bar. There, they start to eye each other up, each expecting the other to perform, to do something, to 'dance, monkey, dance!'. But the sign on the wall clearly states: No Dancing!.

2) So they all turn around and leave.

3) No this is not a joke (I don't believe in jokes, remember!), this is based on a true story. Cos all stories are true, right, whether fictional or non-fictional. If someone imagines it, it must be true.

4) Anyway, These Three Characters? They're just outside, waiting: waiting for directions; waiting for a new page, for the status quo to be broken, for someone to blink!

5) (Blinkin' ell!)

PS Yes today is the day that The Writer copies entries from this blog to put into the book. He's feeling rather pleased with himself, actually, because He's come up with a clever way to reuse much of what he has written over the years -- poems, journals, blogs, even the precious piece called Blocked that he wrote at Arvon, during October 2006 -- into his book. I guess his internet marketing training is paying off for him at last.

Coming or Going?

I don't know whether I'm coming or going?

Y'see, should I live here in Blogger world, or here in Boring John Myspace world ?

(Don't have many friends in either! Lol)

Happy Birthday To Me!

I am one year old today!

Well the blog is.

Well, the birthday was yesterday actually.

Well, okay, Nov 21st to be precise!

British Bloggers, Unite!

If you're reading this before Dec. 9th, 2006 then you may well not be wasting your time, particularly if you're a blogger and you live in Britian. Why so? Well, that's the date that many bloggers will be meeting in London (perhaps Covent Garden). Click here for details! Oh, I mean here

If you're reading this after Dec. 9th, 2006. I have a question for you:

Why?

(Are you expecting some kind of killer punchline! Tch, tch! You really should know better by now! ;-) )

Have you ever seen the blog of a goddess?

No, neither have I, but this blog is the 97th most popular on Technorati (apparently).

If I'd been to this particular woman's blog no doubt I'd be able to bitch about this or moan about that, but I haven't see, so I couldn't possibly comment on her much more popular world...


Okay, I admit it, I'm just bitter that no-one visits (and reads) this blog; that this blog is invisible to Technorati, let alone ranked; that no-one seems interested in the blog of a boring one.


(Why am I not famous already?)

;-)

International blog day

...was announced on my radio, today.

Funnily enough someone sent a text message into Five Live asking what was a blog.

(What's a text message, I hear you ask!)

Anyway, I'm going to do my bit for international blog day and I'm going to list 5 random blogs below. I'd ask you to check them out but I know, reassuringly so :-), that I'm talking to myself.

So, in no order whatsoever:

1. http://pencilpenandpaper.blogspot.com/
   (One from Blogger)
2. http://freddymatico.blogspot.com/
   (A spanish one)
3. http://shanghaindian.blogspot.com/
   (Indian)
4. http://jlewis.spaces.live.com/
   (Another John. Hopefully not boring, like me)
5. http://scobleizer.wordpress.com/
   (Oooh, techie. I want my Mommy.)

Don't ask me if they're any good cos I don't read bl***y blogs - they're boring, aint they!

Now get back to:
a) work
b) TV
c) that dodgy internet dating site (aren't you married?) or
d) your email (yet more spam, and no-one loves you - *sigh*)

PS all of the blogs listed above are patently unaware that today is international blog day. Aint that always the way!

Recognition!

"Love your very dry and understated blog comments. Witty stuff."

Yes, as Miss Piggy was wont to say, they do mean me!

Only another 999,999 people to go and I'll be rich, I tell ya, rich!

Hooray, I am a blog!

It says so here!

(Somewhere.)

Am I A Non-Blog?

Hmm, that's an interesting question.

Let me look down me pants - perhaps the answer is in there?

Hmm, everything seems in order.

I dunno. I guess I will just have to 'stand up straight, and await inspection'.

(Let's just hope I don't have to cough!)

About Me

Name: [Boring John's Writer]
Birthday: Sunday
Birthplace: Huddersfield
Current Location: Holmfirth
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Height: 5ft 10 (and a half!)
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right

Your Heritage: White English/Irish Grandmothers were bored during the war. There were no men. So they got it together with (at least) two American GIs (unknown heritage, but not white) 'over-paid, over-sexed, and over here'. The rest, they say, is 'boring'.

Your Weakness: Too honest. (Honest!)
Your Fears: Someone actually reading this blog
Your Perfect Pizza: "I'm not a pizza fan" (Neither am I.)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Write a novel or learn Spanish, which means write a novel
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol
Your Best Physical Feature: My legs

Your Bedtime: (about) 10:0
Your Most Missed Memory: None
Pepsi or Coke: Two of the last drinks in the world that I would drink. If ever a product was proof of the expression: a triumph of marketing, then Cak and it's variations would be it. Only in America!
MacDonalds or Burger King: I prefer Eat Junk Then Die Early a new chain of food stores recently opened
Single or Group Dates: Group dates sound fun
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestlé? Don't get me going...
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla, Vanilla, Vanilla (baby!)
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee

Do you Smoke: "No"
Do you Swear: "Occassionaly." Me too, mother hubbards!
Do you Sing: Only in the shower or when I think people can hear me!
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: "That's the big question." Isn't it just. Of course I have. When you have legs like mine, baby!...
Do you want to go to College: Been, done, T-shirt.
Do you want to get Married: Very good question.
Do you belive in yourself: Yes

Do you get Motion Sickness: Only when someone 'spins me right round baby right round'
Do you think you are Attractive: See comment about legs, or if you can't be bothered - UBETCHA!
Are you a Health Freak: No, but I don't eat junk food or anthying that I don't believe will lead to optimal nutrition.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes. Brilliant - the power of nature
Do you play an Instrument: "NO! :("

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: "Yes"
In the past month have you Smoked: "No"
In the past month have you been on Drugs: "No"
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: "No we don't have malls in England" Apart from freakin super-malls like Meadowhall etc.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: "What are they?" Lol. Don't ya just love American-centric polls. Oreos are like chocolate bourbons, I think, except they're round and the cream is white and not dark.

In the past month have you eaten Sushi: "I hate fish, never mind it raw" Hee hee. Yes. Love it.
In the past month have you been on Stage: "No"
In the past month have you been Dumped: "No" With these legs, you're kidding.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: "No". Jeez, Americans.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Yes. This poll. "Apologies!" ;-)

Ever been Drunk: "Yes"
Ever been called a Tease: Think so. :-(
Ever been Beaten up: "No"
Ever Shoplifted: Yes, when I was the size of the lil boy in the picture above. I stole a 1p bubbly gum, but the man spotted me and told me to tell my parents about it, and I did. Otherwise, it was a life of crimie for me, for sure!
How do you want to Die: "Sleeping" Great question. Let me get back to you.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Fulfilled
What country would you most like to Visit: Canada

In a Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green
Favourite Hair Color: brown
Short or Long Hair: "middle"
Height: smaller than me (just)
Weight: "Slim but not skinny, I wouldn't say no to some muscles" Just as long as her muscles were not as big as mine! Lol
Best Clothing Style: Individual

Number of Drugs I have taken: Erm, 2
Number of CDs I own: 42
Number of Piercings: "Two - one in each ear" Probably closed, now though
Number of Tattoos: Tattoos are so last century!
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Not enough

Blog Will Eat Itself!

Blog will eat itself!

That's pretty much all there is to say about that, really. And even though I'm contribiting (in this instance) to the orgy, I will not do so again.

Here's an idea guys! Write a blog that nobody reads. (Like me!)