Day 24: 5 Years...

Apparently it's been more or less 5 years since He met She.

Ah, a pair matched in heaven. Or some place beginning with H, anyway.

So, to celebrate this anniversary I thought I'd let David Bowie (and his alter ego Ziggy) do their thing in a little ditty called - surprise, surprise! - 5 Years.

Take it away Mr Stardust...



PS Weren't his teeth so much better back then?

Day 5: Love, life and intertnet dating

Part of this around the world in 30 days routine is to get you bloody readers to do your bloody job and that's bloody well read the blog a bit more.

So, a nice quick and easy way for me to achieve this is to write a blog with a kind of provocative title - e.g. Love, life and internet dating - and then just link to relevant blog posts

A bit like this, really:

Life

Love

Internet Dating

Who knows you might learn something. Or, you might decide never again to visit Boring John world. In either case, a result.

(Off you go...)

PS Tomorrow's post will be about mythical creatures (beginning with V).
PPS And maybe I'll write a proper post about love, life and internet dating a la Him the day after - who knows!

Muse Sick N Hour Mess Age?

Is the Muse sick in our 'mess' age?

Hey, I couldn't possibly comment now could I. (Heheh!)

Well at least it lets me include this kick-ass piece of music from the P E. Oh, it does mean I have to include a piece of love-sak musak afterwards though. But who be it for? Ooh, I dunno. Well, I do, but I ain't tellin!(*) If you can get me a date with Hope S. then maybe we can talk some more. Otherwise... See ya!

Public Enemy video follows...




Sloppy-ass Muzak from Mazzy S. follows...




(*) Hey, I'd love to tell you the second video is for, I really would. But He made me promise NOT to, lest that person visit the website and it spoils His chances, see. And who He? Well, He be Him!

Here's a rhetorical question, for ya...

What happens if there are no rhetorical questions?

Aye. I know what you're thinking. Oh-my-God-Not-Another-Christmas-Cracker-Thought-For-The-Minute kinda thing. Okay, skip it, I hear ya! Here's a better rhetorical question:

Is having a relationship - y'know an 'intimate relationship of the sexual kind' type of relationship - worth having to deal with the game-players, the fearful and the commitment-phobes, the plain mixed-up types and all the other ensemble of losers who get in the way of a simple, yet fulfilling, good time?

Well, I ain't being rhetorical here, because the answer is NO!

So will all the losers who find their way to this particular hidey hole, please leave immediately - taking your bad vibe with you - so that the rest of us can just plain enjoy our lives.

Thank you. Kindly.

I can't talk right now...

I can't talk right now, as you may have noticed - sorry. The thing is, I'm in between revisions and it's all getting quite exciting, it really is. Revisions? Yep, the book that I'm in is being revised almost as I speak, and I'm having to concentrate my efforts over there, for now.

Draft #4 won't take long, though - just need to make sure 'the gig' is working, really.

Anyways, as I'm in my 'be nice to Him' mode right now - it's near the end of the book, see, and I'm meant to have softened towards The Daft Git a bit - I may as well wish his new special someone a happy birthday, ain't I? Hey, it costs me little, saying "Happy Birthday Debbi" after all. And I am already here, spouting.

No doubt He will tell her about my little post. Let's just hope her joy leads to his joy (if you know what I mean!) which, in turn, leads to some joy for lil ol' me. Well, I can hope anyway.

And for anyone else who is having a birthday on October 8th, 2007, Clare Grogan has something to say to y'all. Take it away Clare...



And, here's the Altered Images video to boot...

There's Nowt So Strange as... Email

I read this funny email today - not sure who wrote it (he lied). Anyway, here it is:

"I think people deal with [difficult] situations differently. If H. really didn't feel anything for you then I don't think he'd have to hide himself away in another relationship as soon as possible. You are facing your feelings and he isn't. That's all. So don't think that he didn't care about you, because, perversely, his current behaviour means that he did. That's how I think you should look at it, anyway :-)"

So, black is white then and if I beat you up it means that I love you, really.

Wow! There's nowt so strange as email is there, nowt so strange indeed?

Marmite Anyone?

Who would write an internet dating profile like this (and expect to "get some" after having done so)?

Profile begins...

Why should people get to know you?

Why should you bother reading any further than this line? Well, frankly, I'm bloomin marvellous to put not too fine a point on it. And you'd be mad not to engage with me a little, just to find out more. In fact, I seriously doubt that there are more than a handful of men as lovely, interesting, sexy and plain stonkingly fit as me, on here!

Of course it is all in the eye of the beholder and I may not float your boat, but aren't you just a little bit curious?

Nobody likes a big head, I know, and I am of course affecting this somewhat to garner your attention a little. But I do think I am pretty damned fine, notwithstanding a few flaws here and there. (I like to think of my flaws as material to work with! It would be boring, after all, if there were no challenges for you. Don't you agree? ;-) )

The trouble with being so marvellous, though is that I'm in demand. This is especially so in this online world where others post pics of themselves when they were skinny and twenty-something, not thinking that the balding forty-year old fatty squashed in the corner isn't going to put you off a tad! (Blokes, huh?) So that means I don't need this profile to get lots of interest - I'm looking for the *right kind* of interest and, free tip here, you should be too.

Hey, there will be always be guys on here with bigger cars than me and bigger wallets, bigger brains even, and bigger other stuff for all I care. If big is what matters to you most then I suggest you stop reading now. (Shh, I can here their car keys jangling now!) It's the 'sum of all the parts' thing that really matters, though, if you ask me.

It's also possible that you might find cuter guys on here, too, affecting a 'do you mean me' look of modesty in their photo (just check the Soulmates popular profiles to see what I mean). I'm cool with that. Good luck to 'em. I am not here to be "Popular", I am here to meet a discerning one or two. My photo's hidden but I am more than happy with my physical appearance ta very much.

Describe your ideal match

You don't need to have an eejit attitude like mine, for one thing, but I won't hold it against you if you do, either. Believe me, by bark is worse than my bite - I am actually a lovely man, but how do you say that without sounding like a git? So that means that this bit of my previous profile is still true "It would be great too if you shared my marvel at the world we live in. The world is marvellous, even with all this rain!"

Actually, I believe the world would be a whole lot better place if we all thought more highly of ourselves, in a good way of course. And there's not enough passion on the planet, either. So take a look at some of my passions and imagine yourself joining in...

• Walking. Not just to "pretty places", either; I just love walking anywhere
  
• Going to the movies. Big fan of intelligent and clever, and hate brain-dead (why would I want to kill my brain prematurely?)
  
• Kissing, touching and all that ooh-la-la. (I'm good, what can I say!)
  
• Dancing to groovy beats, or any music with attitude
  
• Writing. Yeah I like writing, and I might even write you a poem, to "get you in the mood"!

There is more, obviously but I have to maintain a little bit of mystery, don't I?

As for you, please be interested in something other than shopping. We're only here for a short time, and buying lots of stuff you don't need every weekend don't sound too imaginative to me. Share my passions or have your own. Be bright, be fun and above all be yourself!

A few last thoughts for you to linger over, then. I don't "do it" for everybody, but just think if I "did it" for you, even if only as a friend. A man with emotional intelligence, with spunk and a modest dollop of charisma, who you might also want to be rude with too - I ask ya, how many of those do you get to the pound, these days?

Anyway, I think I've blown my own trumpet long enough. Over to you: whaddya say? Are you up for something 'different'?

(Hey, at least it beats "liking night's out and night's in".)

Profile ends.

So who would write such a profile?

Answer: He would.

Is it any wonder He's such a frustrated guy? Tch.

Rules of internet dating

Rules of Internet Dating

These are rules to be taken seriously (or otherwise) that will help your chances of success in the ultimate adult sweety shop.

The rules below are based on extensive, some might say painstaking, research done over the last few years. Of course science is also involved and prejudice and maybe even a small sense of humour got involved too (very small, obviously). But if you know better then please do contribute - all good contributions will be added, anonymously or otherwise.

Here are four rules (or questions to answer) to start the ball rolling.

1) How many emails before you go on a date, or at least speak to each other?

I suggest 3, and always recommend that you talk to the person on the phone before you meet up with them in the flesh. Voices matter, people, as a squeaky voice when you were expecting sexy can offend almost as much as bald instead of hirsute (or vice versa! :-O )

2) How many dates will you go on before you should have kissed, fumbled or held hands?

I suggest 3 as first date fumbles never usually become anything more and if you aint snogged after five dates do you think it's ever really gonna happen. Well, punk, do ya?

3) Do you date/snog or fumble with more than one person at once?

There are some internet daters who think you should not email or date more than one person at a time. Whilst there are others that think, unless you're going out exclusively with one person (don't you just love American expressions like that?) that anything goes with more than one person.

I suggest dating and snogging more than one person at a time is okay, but nothing more. Soon as you've done the ol' 'in out, in out' then you need to commit baby, or get rid! But you can't dibble dabble like that with more than one. Tis bad karma for one thing, and all your mates will be very jealous for another!

4) Are you looking to make friends?

Some people only want to date and do not want more friends in their life. (They're so popular see, already.) Other people only seem to want to make friends. (They like grazing, or maybe they don't have enough friends.)

Know what you want, and stick to it.

--

General rules:

A) Men, I politely suggest that you do not post photos of your better-looking friend or that photo of you that makes you look ten times fitter than you really are or the photo of you with hair now you are a bald eagle! Women kinda get a bit pissed by this, and your date will not last long.

B) Women I think professionally taken photos of you looking like a B-movie starlet or photos of you reclining on a bed with your bra showing or even photos of you hugging some hunk might, just might, give out the wrong signals.

C) Stick to a set period that you'll do internet dating then pack it in afterwards. 3 months is good. 5 years is very pessimistic indeed and 3 days is bloomin' hopeful indeed!

D) Similarly, I recommend that you only go online dating for about one hour a day. If you don't set a limit like this then you might find that several hours have just passed by. Online dating is worse that channel-flicking on the TV in my humble opinion.

Who Said This?

"I cannot be happy whilst you, someone I care about, are not. I am not responsible for your happiness but it does not seem fair for me to find peace when your life is still shadowed in pain?"

Whoever said it, and I have a strong idea which Idiot it was, they are destined to live a life of struggle, for sure.

"It wasn't your fault," said the adult to the little boy in the photo. "It wasn't your fault."

Wipe the tear from your eye, Mr Idiot. It was not Your fault.

Free Dating?

( "Please leave a message after the tone." *)

"Please leave your (profile) name, number and the time you called and I promise I'll get back to you soon.

"Promise!

("Hey, if you can can make this effort to get in touch with me, then I promise to contact you back in return.")

:-)

Come on! Most of the blokes on Freedating.co.uk are jerks, no? This is much more interesting and intriguing. And you get to learn all about me, too. (If you're one of the blokes on Freedating.co.uk then, obviously, I don't mean you! ;-) )

* Offer ends today, 26th March, two thousand and seven.

More Sex!

I've just been doing a review of "my world" and you know what...

there's not enough SEX!

What's wrong with me! Don't I like doin it or something?

There's also a complete absence of Love, Death, Hatred, Laughter and definitely, definitely, definitely not enough about internet dating. (Oh boy, I could write for hours about that kind of loopy love!)

So I'm putting the record straight.

I've now created 5 new labels, and I may go through by back catalogue (!) of postings and add where appropriate. Or I might just write some new posts about love, death, hatred (nasty business), laughter (not enuf!) and internet dating (loopy business).

Care to comment?