IDEAS...

IDEAS

Well, if I insist on writing 1000 words a time then this blog-thing is just not going to take off. Is it? So let's make a deal- bear with me, reader, as my alter-egoes have a little chin-wag- as long as you write 1000 words per week, proofed a lot better than the last entry you made, then we're all happy?

Deal?

Deal.

(Have you ever listened to a person talking to himself? Is it a case of two voices, as above, or just a monologue? Or do you prefer to hurry on past the 'madman'?)

Anyway, this entry - which I will update as and when - is goingto contain my 'writing ideas'. Hopefully, as I 'flesh out' some of those ideas into individual blog entries, I shall link to those entries from this page. Marvellous.

So what are my 'ideas'?

(Just wait a minute while I turn the radio over. Westwood s*cks! Too much s*earing, and unnecessary bl**pers, and far far too much - yee-hay mallarkey! Pete Tong, on the other hand... Pete knows a good tooon, but does not know a good website designer! Ha. So, Friday night at 21.12 - for that is the time - let me switch over to the inspiring sounds of Classic FM.)

Okay, back to the ideas...

Idea 1: Commitment

I recently read Mike Gayle's novel Mr Commitment (for research purposes, I hasten to add), to see what a successful novellist made of the issue of commitment. Answer: not a great deal. (But the novel is very readable!)

Commitment is about choosing one over all others, I agree, but it's so much more than that too. I've come to think of commitment as being one of the learning points of life - without commitment, life is less. Erm, this is difficult to explain. (Clearly!)

My writing notes don't really help, either:

What is commitment?

Boy meets girl / gets cold feet / they split / he sees error of his ways / boy gets girl / boy marries girl [Maybe boy becomes man?]

Or, more fundamental than this...

Boy meets girl after girl after girl but something seems to stop him finding the "right" girl.
Why?

Interestingly, at least to me, both those themes feature in Mike Gayles first 2 novels, Mr Commitment and My Legendary Girlfriend, respectively.

Maybe Mike knows more than I give him credit for. (The urge to write a smiley face following that last sentence was only just resisted, and this sentence put in its place! Okay?)

Idea 2: 3

3 relates to three years, and is the exact period of time I have separated from a particular girlfriend. (Why did we split up?Well, I'll save that for another idea.)

So what have I learnt about myself, and relationships, in those three years.

The idea is to illuminate 'what I learnt' (or not) via the various relationships I had in those three years.

Some example lessons:

* Don't care about what people think about you - Thanks to T

* Whatever you do, and however hard you try to understand and to be understood, you may still fail and people will still not like you - Thanks to M, N and me

* Neediness is plain un-sexy (so is flakiness, but less so) - M, L, and me

* An amazing sex life is not everything, whether we're talking about technique, confidence, sexual appetite or even how sexy a body is - M, N, A, L, T etc.

* Sometimes when you look for 'signs' to what direction you should take, who you should be with etc., well sometimes you see whatever you want to see. Signs only become obvious after the event, perhaps - Me

* Maybe the choice of nobody rather A, B or C was the best choice - Me

* Want to get back with someone? Don't just think about the sexy moments or how much you get on, but equally don't just think of the decidely un-sexy moments, either! - Me

* Life is short, enjoy every moment

I'm still learning if the truth be told. (Can you tell?)

It doesn't help that people spout on about their own success, when they sometimes a) don't know why they're successful or b) are mistaken about their success.

This has happened.

And I've listened. Mistake.

There are many people in successful relationships that understand how their relationship works, repeat: how their relationships work. These people should speak out, not as gurus but as guides, and see "This worked for me, it might work for you". But please, no preaching, no "I'm thin, why aren't you?" because it helps no-one!

Idea 3: Love and Simpleology

Simpleology, Mark Joyner's 'science of getting what you want', is a way of setting goals in your life and actually achieving them. Sounds dull, but isn't.

A goal could be to make more money, be famous, learn how to speak Spanish (ahem!) or even...

1. Write Your Major Target Here
Something you want to achieve in the next 6 months to 3 years. It should be bold, inspiring, and *very specific*

Commit myself to a long-term relationship, with a view to starting a family

2. Can You Define This More Clearly?
Remember the law of clear vision. Give specific numbers or results. Something that is verifiable and attainable

3. How Important Is It That You Hit This Target?
How will it make you feel when you hit it? What benefit will it give you? What will happen if you don't? What will you become when you do? Get specific and emotional.

[... ]

The idea behind Simpleology is that you must charge your goals with emotion, and remind yourself of those goals (and that emotion) every day. And every day you set daily targets that take you one step nearer to hitting your target.

And my idea was to write about 'love' in this context, as a life objective and measure that success. (After all, whether spoken of or written down on a piece of paper, being in a loving and long-term relationship is probably the goal of everyone!)

--

Okay, there I must end these (somewhat personal) musings.

It's 10.18 in the AM, on the eve of 2006. And I have places to goto, see!

Adios amigos

"1000 words!? 1000? Words?"

This post was going to be called "All your Chrismas wishes granted", but at I had a change of heart at the last minute, and - no! - not in a vain attempt to boost the word count!

Instead, I wanted to pay small homage to Peter Kay's hilarious Garlic Bread sketch. If you heard it or saw it on video, and you're from oop north (of England), then you'll have found it as hilarious as I did.

So, that done, let's get back into character...

"All your Chrismas wishes granted"

"Want to avoid hideous gifts from the in-laws and master the art of enjoying buffets without bingeing?" [It's like she's reading my mind!] "With just 24 days to go, Zest's Christmas fairy will grant your wishes and banish seasonal stress for good"

Okay, first the apologies - Kate Rew from http://www.zest.co.uk/, I'm sorry. But a boy (boring, or otherwise) has got to take his inspiration from somewhere hasn't he!

So, let's begin.

"1: I wish I could feel... more confident at parties"

Me too. But then I never get invited to parties so practising being entertained (rather than practising entertaining) isn't an issue.

I find a larger-than-life haircut, or a loud tie usually works for me. Next.

"2: I wish I could... hide my disappointment when opening an unwanted gift"

Unwanted gift? Are we talking 'something scraped off your shoe', or...? Let's hope that's the worst thing we all have to worry about this Christmas, eh. Next.

"3: I wish I could... look festive without looking like I fell off the tree.

"4: I wish I could... avoid prsent-buying fatigue

"5: I wish I could... keep with the GI programme"

Erm, perhaps now would be a good time to tell you that Zest magazine is a magazine for women. And, clearly, women have a lot to worry about. So why do all the women I've ever talked to hate the thought of being a man. (And - yes that's a pair of brackets (parentheses) - what in the world is <GI>?)

Let's skip a few.

"9: I wish I could... not wallow because I'm single!"

Hallelujah.

Not only that, I wish I could simply not wallow.

So, is being single a problem?

Is being in a long-standing and loving relationship a problem?

I guess it depends on who you ask. I've always found being single an exciting prospect of possibilities, of something new, of change.

But then I remember feeling invigorated, to say the least, when I was made redundant in the early nineties. So maybe I'm not a good person to ask.

Actually, ignore that, if I'm being honest - and I try to be - being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. But it's not that bad, either.

Wallowing? Now that's got to stop.

"10: I wish I could... recapture the excitement I used to feel at Christmas"

Ah, the feeling of a lumpy pillow at the bottom of the bed, heavy with Christmas presents. Snow at Christmas. Eating your Mum's Christmas dinner. Watching The Great Escape for the first time. Do the pleasures of adulthood really compare? Tough act to follow innit! Maybe the secret is to - how did my writing friend (#1) put it - enjoy Christmas *vicariously*!

Christmas is for kids, so have some kids and enjoy!

"13: I wish I could... ask for a present I really want

"14: I wish I could... have sex at the in-laws

"15: I wish I could... relax at parties"

See?

This is what I mean about the angst of adulthood.

Children never have a problem asking subtly (or otherwise) for that must-have gift for Christmas (this year it's the XBOX 360. And not enjoying a party at Christmas? Unheard of.

As for #14, hmm there has to be some compensation for the loss of childhood I guess. Now where is my girlfriend's muffler at?

"18: I wish I could... make a move on the guy at the office party"

I've always thought that business and pleasure shouldn't mix.

So I never really made too much effort to socialise with work colleagues, let alone fraternise with members of the opposite sex.

Surely, this problem is always solved by getting blindingly drunk, and THEN making your move! Then again...

"19: I wish I could... sauce up his Christmas stocking"

I'll send you my address right away, Kate, should this really be a problem!

"21: I wish I could... avoid emotional incontinence"

I'm not too sure what emotional incontincence is, he says cautiously, but it doesn't sound like too much fun.

I agree with Kate on this, take a walk by the sea, alone. The sea always listens, and your problems are never as big afterwards. (Or just break something (over his head!) - whatever works best!)

"22: I wish I could... still be solvent in the new year"

Ouch! Now that's a little too near the nuckle

"23: I wish I could... look like I've worked out more than I have

"24: I wish I could... beat the Boxing Day blues

35: I wish I could...

Stop.

(Consider that wish, if none other, granted!)

Post script.

- 4665 characters, 828 words, 113 lines. Doh!

Grrr, how can it be that hard to write 1000 words!

(#1) The internet is a medium open to all. So I can hardly put the name of said writing friend here can I! Let me identify her with the initials PITA, or more accurately TD.