Elusive butterflies, windmills and song titles

Subject: The Lazy Curley Locks Bingley Goat!

'There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.'

Denis WaitleyAuthor of The Psychology of Winning

That's a message from DW to BJ, MP and (definitely) MN.

Anyway, after trying to get my Sunday thoughts and ideas into some kind of well-argued shape, and failing, I've decided to give up on 22nd, January's efforts.

Why waste time "chasing elusive butterflies and fighting windmills" when I can so easily plagiarise the ideas of others instead.

You see, yesterday's missive has been replied to and somewhat neutered, with the usual brevity. Bravo.

So I'm going to simply type out the notes I made that early Sunday morning. I really should have better things to do, eh, on an early Sunday morning. But it seems that I didn't.

"Does it make you feel better?"

Does it make me feel better? Well, after having spent hours and hours and hours - a week's worth of hours, probably - in the last 24 months, trying to express myself, clearly and assertively, I can safely say that 'No! No, it doesn't make me feel better.'

Still, it is better than banging my head against the wall.

(Marginally.)

And it is better than doing nothing.

Is it? No, it probably isn't. Good point.

You know, I too am not good at cultivating friendships and relationships.

I try and try and try, but quite often all I seem to get is lashes of abuse (as if I were a fool).

And I don't want to take lashes from anyone (and that especially goes out to family and friends).

It truly bores me.

And I also make no apologies.

I'm glad we an agree on something. :-)

Okay, onward with the 'play secretary' routine...


[...]


Nope!

Ten, count them, ten pages of notes have just been scrunched up and put into the paper-recyling bin. (Another of my 'organic requirements'.)

I don't have time. You won't read it with any interest. I have said almost everything I could possibly ever say.

Instead, what remains to be said, can be summed up in the following three sentences (Even Neruda would admire my mastery of brevity, if not my mastery of words.)

1) I never wanted to control; I never wanted to be controlled, either.

2) I am not interested in possession; I am interested in togetherness.

3) Adios(*); amiga.

:-*

(*) It seems that I'm not the only one who makes overblown (and empty?) gestures

"Sitting, waiting, dreaming"

Subject: Sitting, waiting, dreaming

My Dearest M,

It's been a while since I have woken first thing and scribbled down words aimed at you. I used to do this a while ago, and feel pleased with my morning inspirations only for my words to be brutally dissected with interest by you (often justifiably).

Hours of my day were spent thus.

And it got me, nowhere.

Well, inspired a little by last night's albeit brief Instant Messenger conversation, here I am, typing up my early morning notes.

:-)

I think it's safe to say that I don't understand you. (I'm not sure you understand me, but that's not important.) Yes M is a bit of a mystery to me, for sure. That's not to say that I haven't tried to understand; I've tried very hard.

So let's forget understanding and talk about your middle-finger gesture on Windows Messenger (IM); a conversation that began with your somewhat arch reply: "Boring John desea hablar con migo?"

"Boring John desea hablar con migo?"

What a funny question.

Funny because, latterly, most of our recent IM communications have seen you be unnecesarily 'horrible' to me.

Here are 3 examples plucked out of the air, and yes this is childish, but I want to make a point

1) So, I tell you that, friendly and honest-like, that I've just kissed a photo (JPEG) of your lips and you say, apropros of nothing - "Yuck!". Huh?

2) I tell you that I've just been to see Holzt Planets and you say "I hate the Planets". Huh?

3) I tell you that I've move up north to live in Brockholes and you constantly try and belittle this place you've never been to, this Frockholes

Why so hostile? I know you like this teenage form of communication, y'know the one that converts a slap on the face into 'I like you'. The thing is, though, you're not interested in me 'like that' and have told me more times than you need, in both word and deed, this very fact.

Hey, fine. I can dig. Can't we still be friends.

Why the hostility?

--God, I've started writing up my notes and I'm waffling worse than usual. It's gonna take a few hours to make sense of the rest of what I have to say, and I don't have time now. So, it more or less boils down these 5 points:

1) M, stop being obtuse. If you have something to say, have the balls to say it. Otherwise, shut up about it. Move on.

2) You feel wronged by me, well I feel ten-times wronged by you. I'm not moaning, so why are you.

3) If you want my friendship then please know that I want our relationship/friendship to change, now. Change.

4) There is something very special about you, M, and I am really really glad that we met. (Yesterday I remembered fondly our visit to the theatre in Bristol, for example, BEFORE we talked on IM, too.) Still...

5) If you want my friendship then please know that I want our relationship/friendship to change.

Sizzling Characters

Sizzling characters?

No, I'm not talking about that 'special mate' who likes a tipple or two. Or am I thinking about sozzled characters? Oh, I'll just let James Frey explain.

"Making characters sizzle

"Characters who can't act in the face of their dilemmas, who runaway from conflict, who retreat and suffer without struggling, are not useful to you."

- How to Write a Damn Good Novel, by James Frey

"Eeek!

"That just about sums up my response to the above!"

- How to Live a Damn Good Life?, by Boring John