The World According to... Boring John

Subject: Sitting, waiting, dreaming

My Dearest M,

It's been a while since I have woken first thing and scribbled down words aimed at you. I used to do this a while ago, and feel pleased with my morning inspirations only for my words to be brutally dissected with interest by you (often justifiably).

Hours of my day were spent thus.

And it got me, nowhere.

Well, inspired a little by last night's albeit brief Instant Messenger conversation, here I am, typing up my early morning notes.

:-)

I think it's safe to say that I don't understand you. (I'm not sure you understand me, but that's not important.) Yes M is a bit of a mystery to me, for sure. That's not to say that I haven't tried to understand; I've tried very hard.

So let's forget understanding and talk about your middle-finger gesture on Windows Messenger (IM); a conversation that began with your somewhat arch reply: "Boring John desea hablar con migo?"

"Boring John desea hablar con migo?"

What a funny question.

Funny because, latterly, most of our recent IM communications have seen you be unnecesarily 'horrible' to me.

Here are 3 examples plucked out of the air, and yes this is childish, but I want to make a point

1) So, I tell you that, friendly and honest-like, that I've just kissed a photo (JPEG) of your lips and you say, apropros of nothing - "Yuck!". Huh?

2) I tell you that I've just been to see Holzt Planets and you say "I hate the Planets". Huh?

3) I tell you that I've move up north to live in Brockholes and you constantly try and belittle this place you've never been to, this Frockholes

Why so hostile? I know you like this teenage form of communication, y'know the one that converts a slap on the face into 'I like you'. The thing is, though, you're not interested in me 'like that' and have told me more times than you need, in both word and deed, this very fact.

Hey, fine. I can dig. Can't we still be friends.

Why the hostility?

--God, I've started writing up my notes and I'm waffling worse than usual. It's gonna take a few hours to make sense of the rest of what I have to say, and I don't have time now. So, it more or less boils down these 5 points:

1) M, stop being obtuse. If you have something to say, have the balls to say it. Otherwise, shut up about it. Move on.

2) You feel wronged by me, well I feel ten-times wronged by you. I'm not moaning, so why are you.

3) If you want my friendship then please know that I want our relationship/friendship to change, now. Change.

4) There is something very special about you, M, and I am really really glad that we met. (Yesterday I remembered fondly our visit to the theatre in Bristol, for example, BEFORE we talked on IM, too.) Still...

5) If you want my friendship then please know that I want our relationship/friendship to change.