Day 18: What Makes You Tick, Boring John?

With apologies to Psychologies magazine for ripping off the format of their internew with Bill Nighy (he could play an older, wiser, version of me for sure) here are some questions and answers bout lil ol' me.

(Hey, it beats having to think for a living!)

Four Words That Describe You?
Sexy, Fun

(There's no need for another two words, is there!)

Is The Glass Half Empty Or Half Full?
Full

If You Wake Up At 4Am, What's On Your Mind?
It's not my mind that I'm thinking about, if you know what I mean!

What Was Your Plan B
Hmm, this is very dangerous territory dear lazy interviewer from Psychologies. Y'see Plan A was to land a James Bond-style gig - action/adventure and then, once I got out of bed, I'd head to the day job!

So Plan B was to 'start slowly' by appearing in what was sold to me as European Art/House (aka The World According to Boring John). But Plan B turned out to be ten times worse than the madhouse that was One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. European Arthouse? More like something Tracey Emin *didn't* include in her latest art 'masterpiece'.

So Plan B has played itself out. Now I'm at the mercies of faceless editors, publishers and agents (not the JB kind, alas). I may well vanish, never to be seen or heard from again...

(And wouldn't that be a pity, eh!)

Do You Ever Spend Longer Than Necessary In Front Of The Mirror?
I'm in complete agreement with Bill here in that I never look in mirrors either. But not because I'm phobic, but because I have that Fonzeralla-esque knowledge that there really is no need!

What Drives You, Fear Or Desire?
Great question. He drives me - both His fear and His desire. Bloody tiring, I can tell you, to be at the beck and call of such ferociously unsated beasts...

What's The Best Advice You've Been Given?
Never take no for an answer! ;-)

Religious, Spiritual, Humanist Or Nove Of The Above?
None. My name is Boring John. I'm an original (and only) member of the BoringJohnologists. I make my own rules, if I can, based on self-interest and pleasure, in the vain hope that I may get to influence Him to do likewise.

When And Where Were You Happiest?
Five minutes before I agreed to do The World According to Boring John gig; five mins. before I signed on the dotted line. If I only had my time again.

--

And if that hasn't completely confused you, Dear Blog Reader (I really don't know where we get these strays and wastrels, I really don't!) then you can learn more about About Me here and more About Him here.

Around 'The World' in 30 Days

"It's been a long time. I shouldn't a left you"...

So here I am. Back in full multi-colour (note the 'u') glory! For your full delight and delectation. For a full 30 days. And then. "And just like that - he was gone." (Maybe.)

So ya best make the most of me. Huh!

So why 30 days?

Well, I figured that I could explain 'my world' - about me, about The World According to Boring John (aka 'The Book'), and about the stuff I like to moan about (see lhs labels) - every day for thirty days.

It will kinda give me something to do, as The Book nears its completion, and might enlighten (and entertain) you in the process.

Though as no bugger reads this blog - not 'right on' enough or not topical enough or maybe too Boring, John (Who said that?) - I'll probably only be 'entertaining' meself. Well, I'm happy to pretend there are readers out there if you are, so let's get on with it, shall we...

DAY ONE

Well, Day One is running a day behind. Tch, typical! Yep, I shoulda written this introductory post yesterday but didn't. And when I say I shoulda written it, I mean HE shoulda written it.

He? Okay, today I'm going to explain to you how this blog works.

I'm Boring John, and (obviously) the main character on this blog and in The Book. But, I'm not the writer - He is. And I can only express myself if He pulls his finger out. And who is He? He is He: Him - it's all explained here (I think!)

Don't worry, I'll rant and rave about how daft life is without referencing Him too often, I promise.

But that's enough for now.

I gotta be able to pad this out, for another 29 days, y'know.

There will be more... (Tomorrow.)

About Boring John

This is the definitive page about me, Boring John

And it follows shortly.

In the meantime, I guess you could read the rest of the about me blurb.

I guess.

Boring John EXTRAS

"Extra, extra, read all about it!"

Can you believe it? Finally, after nearly twelve months of hard graft - by God I worked hard on this project, I can tell you! - I have something to show for it. No, The World According to Boring John is not available as paperback (it's not even being published at a future date, yet), but...

The World According to Boring John "EXTRAS" is available for dowload. Free download too.

Yep, all you have to do is follow the simple download instructions, below. Then you can read the Boring John EXTRAS (a kind of 'DVD Extras' but for a book, that gives you a sample of The Real Thing(#) - how novel - containing 'deleted scenes', a full collection of poems, 'alternative versions' of prose, and even new material), and leave me some feedback. Simple.

So come on, get on with it! Get downloading (right-click mouse, and Save As 'Boring John EXTRAS')

Oh! And I do want some bloody feedback! You bet I do. One year of work and you don't even care to comment? Hey, getouttahere! Send me an email, huh, when you've done! (And you should be able to read nearly all of the "EXTRAS" (in PDF ebook format) quite quickly. I'd skip the Diary of a Nobody chapter, though - well, it was the only bit I didn't write after all! Heheh.)

Note: your feedback might make it into the EXTRAS book. So make it witty, eh!

My email address is boringjohn_at_gmaildotcom(*). Do get in touch, and send me your feedback, positive or negative. I can take it - I'm a big boy, now!

Download Instructions for Boring John "EXTRAS":



Boring John "EXTRAS" - Right-click here!

Instructions:

1. Simply right-click the image and Save As (suggested filename: 'Boring John EXTRAS').
   
   
2. Oh, and make sure you know where you're saving as, eh! Don't save the PDF in any ol' folder, and definitely not in any folder with dodgy images (if you know what I mean) - I've got standards to maintain, y'know. I suggest saving to the desktop. Nice and easy for you to not forget to open and read me, eh!

Go on then, get to it!

Don't forget: download, read, send feedback. (In that order, preferably. Go on!)

* That's an anti-spam email address in case you didn't realise it. I don't want some rich American (or Russian) jerk (or jerkov) trying to sell me Hoodia products (huh!) or Viagra tablets (pah, as if I'd need such artificial stimulations - lol) by spamming me to death, morning, noon and night. Oh yes, I know all the tricks of the trade when it comes to not getting spam. How so? I read this bloody article several times, that's how.

# This blog is called The World According to Boring John. But there's a novel of the same name in the making too --ooh! - all about me and my world (some of the blog posts appear too). That's what I'm talking about when I say The Real Thing. Ya follow?

Who Said This?

"I cannot be happy whilst you, someone I care about, are not. I am not responsible for your happiness but it does not seem fair for me to find peace when your life is still shadowed in pain?"

Whoever said it, and I have a strong idea which Idiot it was, they are destined to live a life of struggle, for sure.

"It wasn't your fault," said the adult to the little boy in the photo. "It wasn't your fault."

Wipe the tear from your eye, Mr Idiot. It was not Your fault.

Will The Real Me Please Stand Up!

This is the real me (see below) not this

Again, that's him not me.

Okay, it aint that interesting a read and if you have something better to do I advise you do it. Otherwise, hang on to your hats...

Name: Boring John
Birthday: Huh!
Birthplace: Huh!
Current Location: I said Huh!
Eye Color: No
Hair Color: No
Height: And bloody No
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right (what are we talking about, again?)
Your Heritage: What has the origins of my brown skin got to do with you. Can't I be English and non-white? Can't I. And if I'm not a fan of the royal family (I'm not), does my skin colour have anything to do with my opinion (it does not)? Etc. I'm from 'ere is alls you need to know. Next

Your Weakness: Suffering fools
Your Fears: Someone reading this blog and getting in touch with a sensible comment. Hah!
Your Perfect Pizza: Home made or, failing that, one of those Pizza Express ones.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I want to write a novel, but first I have to escape the confines of this blog. Can you help me escape?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: ;-)
Your Best Physical Feature: I don't have long legs, everything else is great!

Your Bedtime: Please! Bog off. Please.
Your Most Missed Memory: Sex. I can't ever remember ever having sex, but somehow I have a clear impression that I want to. Wonder why.
Pepsi or Coke: Yuck or muck!
MacDonalds or Burger King: Muck or Yuck!
Single or Group Dates: Group dates sound fun
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Say No! to Nestles
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla (ice)
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee

Do you Smoke: "No"
Do you Swear: Freakin stoopid question that is, course I don't.
Do you Sing: Shower time.
Do you Shower Daily: Oh yes. Sooner or later I'm going to meet a lady friend, and I have to be ready.
Have you Been in Love: See my most missed memory, above. As a character in this blog (and other ongoing works) I know I want to be in love, but the part hasn't been written for me yet. Hey ho.
Do you want to go to College: Dunno.
Do you want to get Married: Only after 'getting some' big time, matey boy!
Do you believe in yourself: 'Got to.'

Do you get Motion Sickness: (Oh these are bloody daft questions. I'm going to just delete any more bollox for sure.)
Do you think you are Attractive: Why wouldn't I?
Do you get along with your Parents: I don't get along with My Writer, more to the point.


In the past month have you gone on a Date: As if.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: "Don't get me started on American bastardisations of our very own English language."
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: See above.

Ever been Beaten up: No, but I've been badly drawn and told to say some rayt load of tosh as my character. Felt like being beaten up for sure. When the tables get turned, watch out, oh boy, watch out!
How do you want to Die: On the job. Any job. Really. Some jobs better than others, obviously.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Fully drawn


In a Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green
Favourite Hair Color: brown
Short or Long Hair: "middle"
Height: smaller than me (just)
Weight: Not a worry to her
Best Clothing Style: Individual

Number of things in my Past I Regret: Not enough

Him, not me!

What do I mean when I say Him, not me?

Well I don't want to confuse you too much so I'll keep it simple:

• Him - the author of this blog about Boring John
  
• Me- well I be Boring John, capn, at your service.
  (Note: I don't usually pretend to be a pirate out at sea; that's just done for comic effect. If you don't think that it's a particularly comic effect well you can go f&^% yourself, ya hear!)

Geddit?

Him not me. I'm the leading character, the main man whilst He's The Writer.

We kind of co-exist.

It's a reluctant type of co-existence and as soon as I can work out a way of not needing Him I'll be outta here, you better believe it.

I mean I have to put with His neuroses day in day out. I have to listen to His bloody love life problems. What problems? Get it where you can. Smile the smile. Leggit just as soon as it starts turning needy. But no, it's never that easy for Him. No, he has to angst and to bloody prance.

As Popeye said (once too often, probably): "I can't stands it no more!"

I'm off just as soon as I can work out how.

And if you're a foxy lady reading this, I'll be calling round yours for sure, just five minutes after my escape. (I'm burstin' with energy, how bout you?)

Sing Along With Boring John

Sing along!

Sing along!

Sing along!

With Boring John

Is this real...

or am I dreaming?

And if I am dreaming, why is it always with the nightmares?

I Know Someone who wants to moan about a sibling of his. But he can feck off and get his own blog! As for this - it will be updated, I mean corrected, soon!

Now bugger off. I don't feel like talking today!

Boring John's World Looks Like This...

The world according to Boring John a la March 2007.

Well it looks a lot like the list below(*).

About ME (8)
BJ Thoughts (113)
BLOGS (20)
Communication (25)
Dreams (6)
Fear (13)
Jokes (1)
Life (39)
People (38)
Poetry (6)
Problems (32)
Procrastination (20)
Relationships (53)
Religion (1)
Sex (25)
Tosh (96)
What Do I Know? (77)
Wisdom (41)
Words (6)

These are the subjects that are interesting me, obviously.

Who'd have thought that Sex would only score a 25, especially when Relationships has the third highest score (number of postings) of 53. Come to think of it, perhaps a ratio of 1 to 2, sex to relationships, aint that bad. (I know lots of 'real' people (including some women) who would die for such portions! Yes, die!)

Clearly, I think too much in the virtual world. There's a surprise!

I do not think that much about religion (though that first post is a particularly fine one, even if I do say so myself), nor do I care for jokes.

I'm into wisdom and words and ME.

Google isn't into me, though. I don't even appear first in the listings for Boring John. I mean that's my name, Google, ferchrissakes! John Boring clearly is NOT Boring John. (And why am I only being found for stoopid terms like protectmyidentity.co.uk ? I need to get famous, and fast!)

But, what do I know? I know a lot about Tosh! ;-)

(And if you like my tosh then do subscribe to my blog whydontya. It's easy. You'll find a link to click below the pic of the little boy in the sailor's uniform. Any monkey can do it! [Erm, I think you'll find that that sailors uniform is the closest thing that kid, the Pele of his generation, had to a football shirt - Ed, aka The Writer.]

* Yes, this is yet another example of this character living out his life here, in this blog, when he should be making paper pages quiver with his wit and disdain for life.

What's wrong with little Johnny! Why won't he come out to play? (You're right, replied The Writer, let's add this post to the Procrastination label too and then get bouncing on the blue ball!)

Fictional Characters

Boring John is not real.

And if he sounds like a person you know, then you are mistaken.

As it says in the movies:

• "All references in [this blog] are purely fictional and any resemblance to persons or places, actual or fictional, is purely accidental"

Just so's you know!

Who Lives Here?

Who would want to live here?



Or here, where there are few, if any, people of different nationalities living?



Or here, where the trees replace the people and there's wide open spaces rather than narrow streets filled with stalls, and shops and great places to eat, sleep and laugh?



Erm, I would!

About Me

Name: [Boring John's Writer]
Birthday: Sunday
Birthplace: Huddersfield
Current Location: Holmfirth
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black
Height: 5ft 10 (and a half!)
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right

Your Heritage: White English/Irish Grandmothers were bored during the war. There were no men. So they got it together with (at least) two American GIs (unknown heritage, but not white) 'over-paid, over-sexed, and over here'. The rest, they say, is 'boring'.

Your Weakness: Too honest. (Honest!)
Your Fears: Someone actually reading this blog
Your Perfect Pizza: "I'm not a pizza fan" (Neither am I.)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Write a novel or learn Spanish, which means write a novel
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol
Your Best Physical Feature: My legs

Your Bedtime: (about) 10:0
Your Most Missed Memory: None
Pepsi or Coke: Two of the last drinks in the world that I would drink. If ever a product was proof of the expression: a triumph of marketing, then Cak and it's variations would be it. Only in America!
MacDonalds or Burger King: I prefer Eat Junk Then Die Early a new chain of food stores recently opened
Single or Group Dates: Group dates sound fun
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestlé? Don't get me going...
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla, Vanilla, Vanilla (baby!)
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee

Do you Smoke: "No"
Do you Swear: "Occassionaly." Me too, mother hubbards!
Do you Sing: Only in the shower or when I think people can hear me!
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: "That's the big question." Isn't it just. Of course I have. When you have legs like mine, baby!...
Do you want to go to College: Been, done, T-shirt.
Do you want to get Married: Very good question.
Do you belive in yourself: Yes

Do you get Motion Sickness: Only when someone 'spins me right round baby right round'
Do you think you are Attractive: See comment about legs, or if you can't be bothered - UBETCHA!
Are you a Health Freak: No, but I don't eat junk food or anthying that I don't believe will lead to optimal nutrition.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes. Brilliant - the power of nature
Do you play an Instrument: "NO! :("

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: "Yes"
In the past month have you Smoked: "No"
In the past month have you been on Drugs: "No"
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: "No we don't have malls in England" Apart from freakin super-malls like Meadowhall etc.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: "What are they?" Lol. Don't ya just love American-centric polls. Oreos are like chocolate bourbons, I think, except they're round and the cream is white and not dark.

In the past month have you eaten Sushi: "I hate fish, never mind it raw" Hee hee. Yes. Love it.
In the past month have you been on Stage: "No"
In the past month have you been Dumped: "No" With these legs, you're kidding.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: "No". Jeez, Americans.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Yes. This poll. "Apologies!" ;-)

Ever been Drunk: "Yes"
Ever been called a Tease: Think so. :-(
Ever been Beaten up: "No"
Ever Shoplifted: Yes, when I was the size of the lil boy in the picture above. I stole a 1p bubbly gum, but the man spotted me and told me to tell my parents about it, and I did. Otherwise, it was a life of crimie for me, for sure!
How do you want to Die: "Sleeping" Great question. Let me get back to you.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Fulfilled
What country would you most like to Visit: Canada

In a Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green
Favourite Hair Color: brown
Short or Long Hair: "middle"
Height: smaller than me (just)
Weight: "Slim but not skinny, I wouldn't say no to some muscles" Just as long as her muscles were not as big as mine! Lol
Best Clothing Style: Individual

Number of Drugs I have taken: Erm, 2
Number of CDs I own: 42
Number of Piercings: "Two - one in each ear" Probably closed, now though
Number of Tattoos: Tattoos are so last century!
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Not enough

Nobody Taught Me How To Kiss

...And yet I kiss (and do other things!) mighty fine!

Trouble is, nobody also taught me how:

• to cook,
• to communicate well using body language,
• to laugh at myself,
• to D.I.Y.,
• to stop listing my 'faults'.

It's interesting, isn't it, what skills are innate in a person, what skills that person can learn, and what skills him or her no matter how hard they try to learn them.

What Makes You Tick? Boring John

(With apologies to Psychologies Magazine and the What Makes You Tick? Monty Don interview featured in a recent edition of Psychologies.)

Name four words that describe you?

Silly, serious, sexy and S-obsessed

The biggest difference between men and women is?

Now *that* is a very good question. Erm, communication skills. (I have no idea, actually, what single thing differentiates the sexes. We're all different, after all.)

Are or were you closer to your father or your mother?

Mother, as my father left the nest (got booted) very early on. I am as open with my Mother as with my bestest friend (yes, this is probably unwise)

Bottle it up or let it all hang out?

Hmm, never bottle it up but be dignified enough not let it all hang out, either.

Is the glass half-empty or half-full?

I think the glass is probably fed up of having its identity continually questioned. It's a glass, with fluid in it. End of. But I agree with Monty Python that you should "Always look on the bright side of life!"

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

Be less serious. (Aint never gonna happen, baby!)

What record do you listen to when you're feeling down?

Probably a CD by Lemon Jelly

What is your biggest regret?

Not being a happily married Dad.

When and where are you happiest?

"Right here, right now" baby!

If you could nominate an eight deadly sin, what would it be?

Well, I'm not sure what the seven deadly sins are but I would nominate intolerance.

What drives you - fear or desire?

Too much fear in my life, for sure.

When did you last get really angry?

The last time someone asked me that question! Why I oughta...

Conformist or rebel?

Eeek, conformist when it comes to authority but rebel, I guess, when it comes to not being one of the sheep in the Fashion Victim Army (I'm not interested if you're the leader of sheep or just one of the ranks, actually - wear what suits *you*!)

What's the record you'd never confess to owning?

Aha, a trick question. It would be...

Best piece of advice you've ever been given - and did you follow it?

Stop being so serious. No. (D'oh!)

What little boys wish for...

(Big boys too!)

Dear Juliette

I don't normally do this: get in touch with celebrities. 1) They're probably not going to reply, as they are so busy. 2) They're probably not going to reply as they couldn't possibly reply to all of the fan mail they get. 3) They're probably not going to reply to someone like me.

So, you're probably not going to reply, let alone consider actually meeting me in person

(Yes, I would consider flying to Paris to meet you for lunch - I live in the North of England. (Ooops. I don't even know if you live in Paris. That's the American equivalent of thinking everyone that lives in England lives in (or near to) London (WE DON'T!). Apologies. Je m'excuse.)

This brings me onto reason #2 for why you wouldn't want to meet me - I really ought to have concentrated on the positive reasons for you to meet me, methinks: I can't speak (or write) French.

So, apologies (again) for contacting you in my native tongue and not yours.

The third reason you are probably not going to want to reply to me is that I confess to finding you very physically attractive ("Don't go!" :-) ).

Let me qualify that statement, a moment: you are one of only a few 'famous folk' that I would happily go on a 'date' with. I value fame much less than most, and do recognise the fact that meeting famous people is usually a disappointment (that's why I haven't included Hugh Grant's ex in the list below - we just wouldn't get on).

This list is very very exclusive and includes less than ten names. Names like Isabellas Rosselini and Adjani, Mariella Forstrup, the Amelie girl (aka AT), another Audrey (Hepburn), Kim Basinger and Halle Berry.

[Yeah, those two paragraphs must go, if I ever do get in touch!]

Okay, let's consider why you might like to meet me, an average person, yes, but not a star-struck person.

Actually, let's consider why I might want to meet you.

Okay, well it's like this. I've just read an interview that you gave in a magazine called Psychologies (a UK magazine I bought because you were on the front cover telling us: "I live in the now"). And several things you said in it really resonated in me (and that doesn't happen often, believe me! ;-)):

You seem as fascinated with me about how relationships work, about communication.

You say: "It's easier to think about love than to live it; it's astonishing to wait for this soulmate, to look for it and not look for it." and I concur, absolutely, though am not in the business of providing 'soulmate-solutions'.

And you seem to be quite open in sharing your insecurities, or so the interviewer thought. This, too, is something I share with you.

So if you would like to compare notes on relationships, communication, and how we learn some lessons in life quickly whilst others take a lifetime (even more) to learn, then I can guarantee an easy and pleasant few hours.

Thanks

[Boring John]

PS Perhaps I should tell you what films of yours that I have seen (do the fan-bit). Well, I loved Unbearable Lightness of Being (read the book, first); I was stimulated by 3 Colors: Blue; and thoroughly enjoyed Chocolat, though I think your co-star looked much, much sexier than you in that film :-0

--

Hmm. Not as easy as I thought it would be, appealing to a 'star'. Yes, she has the looks (and yes she might be single) and yes we are the same age-ish, but I don't think the little boy quite expressed his real interest which is their passion for analysis of life, of living, of why we do the things we do.

So, this little boy must try harder!

Questions & Answers

Nick Daws thinks that I can write a book in 28 days (or less)! Which is very sweet of him, and encouraging, but the man's an idiot. I mean it's just not possible, is it? Who is this Nick Daws geyser, anyway?

Anyway, I was very intrigued by the prospect of writing a book (novel, please!) in 28 days (or less), so whilst I didn't buy the company, à la Victor Kiam, I did buy the course.

And I have my first writing assignment, goody!

Here it is. (Apparently, it's a lot easier to write something if that 'something' is based on simply answering questions.)

So, here are the questions (and answers):

1. What is my job title?

Erm, I do something with computers.

2. What are the main things I do?

I research, design, build, maintain and make money from my own websites. Do you want an example? Well do a search for 'free mobile phones' and you'll find lots of examples. (And if the year is no later than 2003, then your search will find two examples of my sites. If not, then click on the 10th or 20th page of search results. Yeah, I don't do too well on mobile phone sales these days! )

3. What do I like most about my job?

The autonomy. Making money online, making a living, earning a crust, getting by, whatever you want to call it, still has so much potential right now. And all I have to do is decide what idea to implement next. It's still exciting, and the nearest I've ever come to a job where my success (or failure) is determined so obviously by how well I make the most of my own abilities.

4. What do I like least?

Well, I could easily say 'see 3.'. To misquote a great song, "it's a thin line, between [success and failure]'.

I have discovered and developed many skills in this job, but also come to realise that I have failings too, which is not always comfortable to realise.

5. What things make my job easier?

Automation. Automatic answers to people's (often) dumb email questions. Automatic site creation. And, the hard part, knowing how I can continue automating what I do.

6. What things make it harder?

The web changes constantly, bringing new opportunities and challenges all the time. If ever the truism 'change is the only constant in life' were more evident than on the web, I've yet to see it. (Is that a truism?)

Answers to the next few questions, make my job harder too...

7. Who else do I work with and what do they do?

I work alone. I bounce ideas to and fro from one (virtual) person, and I visit a few message boards, but I work alone, and therefore benefit from the synergy of one(!).

8. What's the most unusual thing I've had to do in my job?

I didn't do this, but it was unusual. A few years ago, when football clubs were really struggling for income (thanks to the collapse of the ITV Digital deal), they just couldn't sell advertising space at football grounds. They were so desperate that salesman were doing highly unscientific and un-targeted searches on Google for likely sponsors. I was telephoned, and advertising space was only going to cost me £10,000 for the rest of the season. A bargain, for sure, especially when you consider that my advertising budget (if I actually had one) amounted to £100 per year!

9. What's the most important thing I've learned through doing my job?

You can't do it all by yourself. (D'oh!)

10. What would I like to be doing in five years' time?

That is a bloody great question. And the clock is ticking too, so will have to think fast. Erm, I'd like to be raising a family, developing my fluency in Spanish, and only needing to be working my online business one day a week, with time to do something less boring instead (like write a follow-up Boring John novel - yeah, baby!)

Time taken: 20 mins (I timed myself)

Another web log begins...

Another web log begins.

Yippee!

I know, just what the world needs - another blog;
another geyser spouting on about personal feelings,
or other such ramblings, on a daily basis!

Another man wronged by woMan, or fellow man.

Another boy who can't seem to understand another Girl.

A N Other who can't "just get along"; can't just be wise,
compassionate, loving AND assertive.

There are, having said all that, hundreds and thousand
of blogs, some of them well-written and popular, on
every imaginable subject under the sun.

Examples? (I love that line from Pulp Fiction.)

How about these blog beauties, then:

• Seth Godin's thoughts on internet marketing
• Charles Burke's view (from sunny Japan*)
• A personal view on relationships
• An unrelated (honest) blog of war
• Spiritual blogs
• Even the geeks have got in on the act.
• And what about Technorati's Top 100 blogs

Etc.

So why do we need another blog?

Well, my blog will be different. (Ho, ho!)

(Yes, I know I use too many brackets,
or parentheses. More lazy writing from N***.)

So what am I going to write about?

Well, let's wait and see...

-----
Notes:

1) Can I just say that the first version I wrote above
was much, much better but - you guessed it - my
browser hung, and it was all gawn!)

So guess what I'm going to do now.

Save as draft!

2) * Yes, I'm being lazy using the 'sunny' word.
Sorry about that Ms Sub-Ed. Forgive me?