(Big boys too!)
Dear Juliette
I don't normally do this: get in touch with celebrities. 1) They're probably not going to reply, as they are so busy. 2) They're probably not going to reply as they couldn't possibly reply to all of the fan mail they get. 3) They're probably not going to reply to someone like me.
So, you're probably not going to reply, let alone consider actually meeting me in person
(Yes, I would consider flying to Paris to meet you for lunch - I live in the North of England. (Ooops. I don't even know if you live in Paris. That's the American equivalent of thinking everyone that lives in England lives in (or near to) London (WE DON'T!). Apologies. Je m'excuse.)
This brings me onto reason #2 for why you wouldn't want to meet me - I really ought to have concentrated on the positive reasons for you to meet me, methinks: I can't speak (or write) French.
So, apologies (again) for contacting you in my native tongue and not yours.
The third reason you are probably not going to want to reply to me is that I confess to finding you very physically attractive ("Don't go!" :-) ).
Let me qualify that statement, a moment: you are one of only a few 'famous folk' that I would happily go on a 'date' with. I value fame much less than most, and do recognise the fact that meeting famous people is usually a disappointment (that's why I haven't included Hugh Grant's ex in the list below - we just wouldn't get on).
This list is very very exclusive and includes less than ten names. Names like Isabellas Rosselini and Adjani, Mariella Forstrup, the Amelie girl (aka AT), another Audrey (Hepburn), Kim Basinger and Halle Berry.
[Yeah, those two paragraphs must go, if I ever do get in touch!]
Okay, let's consider why you might like to meet me, an average person, yes, but not a star-struck person.
Actually, let's consider why I might want to meet you.
Okay, well it's like this. I've just read an interview that you gave in a magazine called Psychologies (a UK magazine I bought because you were on the front cover telling us: "I live in the now"). And several things you said in it really resonated in me (and that doesn't happen often, believe me! ;-)):
You seem as fascinated with me about how relationships work, about communication.
You say: "It's easier to think about love than to live it; it's astonishing to wait for this soulmate, to look for it and not look for it." and I concur, absolutely, though am not in the business of providing 'soulmate-solutions'.
And you seem to be quite open in sharing your insecurities, or so the interviewer thought. This, too, is something I share with you.
So if you would like to compare notes on relationships, communication, and how we learn some lessons in life quickly whilst others take a lifetime (even more) to learn, then I can guarantee an easy and pleasant few hours.
Thanks
[Boring John]
PS Perhaps I should tell you what films of yours that I have seen (do the fan-bit). Well, I loved Unbearable Lightness of Being (read the book, first); I was stimulated by 3 Colors: Blue; and thoroughly enjoyed Chocolat, though I think your co-star looked much, much sexier than you in that film :-0
--
Hmm. Not as easy as I thought it would be, appealing to a 'star'. Yes, she has the looks (and yes she might be single) and yes we are the same age-ish, but I don't think the little boy quite expressed his real interest which is their passion for analysis of life, of living, of why we do the things we do.
So, this little boy must try harder!
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