Mummy, mummy, mummy!

My Mummy says that I am a good boy because I do what she tells me to do. I did get smacked once, hard on the leg - it left a red mark, too. My step-Dad hit me because I kicked my sister once when I couldn't stand her teasing any more.

Secrets and lies

Whilst He was working, or so He tells me, He discovered this little tidbit of wisdom

"if something is knowable, then assume it is known."

When you consider that it's actually referring to Google, and not keeping secrets like I thought it was, then you might feel a little shudder down your spine. Well I would. Particularly if you realise how many products Google has (e.g. toolbar, email, web stats etc.) that collect data. But Google is not the only data hog. Stores like Tesco love to collect the ol' info with their rewards schemes. Even that card scheme those "lucky, lucky, lucky" people living in London use - Urchin Card? - contains an awful lot of information about one's movements, don't you know.

Anyway, as I said, He was working and He shared the tidbit with me.

It's how I've always operated when it comes to keeping secrets, actually. Tell no-one. Simple as.

Nice Dreams - A Poem by Him

He, The Person That Writes This Blog, has asked me if I would let Him publish His poem, His little ditty, in my blog.

And I said yes. (Clearly.)

Don't worry, it's only a short poem. It's about a person He dreamed of, I guess, but I think it's a poem we can all identify with. (Yes He did pay me to say that!)


Nice Dreams
-------------

I dreamt of You last night
You let me squeeze Your bum!
You smiled and held me close
I'm off to tell me Mum!

Who Said This?

"I cannot be happy whilst you, someone I care about, are not. I am not responsible for your happiness but it does not seem fair for me to find peace when your life is still shadowed in pain?"

Whoever said it, and I have a strong idea which Idiot it was, they are destined to live a life of struggle, for sure.

"It wasn't your fault," said the adult to the little boy in the photo. "It wasn't your fault."

Wipe the tear from your eye, Mr Idiot. It was not Your fault.

What Makes Him Happy?

"Bouncing on the Blue Ball and listening to the music with big basslines!"

So what makes you happy, then? What makes you feel like it's all really been worth it?

Answers on a postcard please and send it to Blue Peter....

Protect My Identity?

The boys (and girls) at Protect My Identity need a lesson in the basics of internet marketing.

How do I know this?

Well people desperately in need of their services and too stoopid to know that www.protectmyidentity.co.uk is the address they need to use (copy and paste it into the browswer address bar boys (and girls) - that really is all there is to it!) are coming to the blog of the one and only, me, Boring John when they do a search.

(I know lots and lots about the people that visit my website, by the way. I have stats. V-ery interesting. Hee hee!)

Now I do welcome visitors of all colours and persuasions. Even peeps from Peckham can sing a long a Boring John, should they wish to. But I don't think those that are worrying about identity theft really want to trawl through pages and pages of lil ol' me droaning on and on and on about this and that and t'other. (Do they?)

So let me make it easy for them.

Hey you! Yes YOU! If you're looking for protectmyidentity.co.uk then you'll find it at the BIG link below. Okay?

www.ProtectMyIdentity.co.uk

(Now slurp off!)

As for the boys (and girls) that promote ProtectMyIdentity online using search engine optimisation techniques etc. I think you need to go back to basics, big time. You can not be found when searching for your URL directly. How bad is that? Nearly, but not quite, as bad as this.

Normal service will be resumed when Boring Johh does, indeed, turn normal. Otherwise "I'll be back" sooooon. If not sooner. (I'm having too much fun in the book world, right now, if the truth be told. Up to 4,500 words. Only another 100,000 to go. Hee hee.)

In the words of (Some) Others...

• "What a waste!" - Ian Dury, Diamond Geyser And A Half
  
  
• "I'll be back" - Arnold Schwarzenneger, Muscled Man In Dark Glasses
  
  
• "He does not live here, darlin! In fact He is a real person who likes to Meet People in the real world and NOT in the virtual world. No more MySpace or yours?..." - Boring John, The One, The Only

Why say in 3 words, Ian and Arnold, what you can say in 33? You are both rank amateurs, tch!

As for Him, He's a sentimental old fool - smiling and thinking and strolling as He was - but I love Him, anyway. (Shh, don't tell 'Im.) We had fun.

--

Notes:
1) this post has not been labelled. "Please mind the gap!"
2) (Some of) You are so spoiled. "Please mind the gap!"