Day 6: Wise Words?

Because I can be lazy sometimes - always, given half the chance actually - I've decided to be a bit slack with today's post. As you will now see..

So, wise words... Are these wise words? "When you lose, don't lose the lesson"

Or how about these words - "Take into account that great love and great achievement involve great risk." Are they wise?

Well, some geezer called the Dalai Lama said them. That's according to Go Go With The Flow, anyway.

As to wise words I may well once have said. Once upon a time, when the moon was yellow... These'll be them: wise words of wisdom a la Boring John.

PS And them mythical creatures will have to wait their turn till tomorrow.

"And that's how two characters should dance together in life"

And that's how two characters should dance together in life?

Yes, and it's all explained here in this (almost finished*) version of The World According to Boring John (PDF version) - you'll need a password!**

Enjoy! I know I didn't.

* This book may never get finished - He may not be up to it!
** And the password is... - contact me (or Him) for it!

Solving Your Problems - Why Random Answers Don't Work

We all have problems in life, some more difficult to solve than others. (Tell me about it!) But it NEVER helps when people, 'friends', claim that a solution is close at hand, though; that solving your problem is as easy as picking some random words of wisdom.

Yes, I'm about to debunk the myth of solving problems by choosing random answers, and I'm about to do it using examples of real people's problems and revealing the daft answers they received.

Bring it on!

"Simply hold a problem in your mind, and type it into the problem box below. Then click on the Red Pill and there will be your answer (chosen at random)"

That's what it says at website EgoFatigo.com . And d'you know what I say in return, "Yeah, right. What a load of new age tosh!"

It's obvious that each problem must be viewed on its own, and analysed so as to determine the best way to solve it. That means there's no way an answer plucked at random from the electrons buzzing around the interweb can help you. In my not so humble opinion, anyway.

There are no broad brush answers to life's problems. Absolutely not.

Sometime's it is not my fault; sometimes the solution to all our problems does not lie within; sometimes the person with the problem is the other guy (and the next time he shows his face, I'll smack 'im, I really will!).

Don't believe me? Well, you're probably the sort of person that doesn't believe hard evidence when they see it, but I'll show you it to you anyway. Y'see, I went to one of these so-called problem-solving websites, EgoFatigo.com, and I took a look at the problems being solved (and the random answers it gave). And I've reprinted some of those examples below - with permission of course.

Note: these examples are real (including the bad grammar) and they were (more or less) chosen at random, too.

So let's take a look at the results, shall we.

1. "My problem is that I can't think of a problem!"

Random answer:

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks ofchanging himself." - Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

2. "There are 3 woman. A blonde. a brunette. and a red head. Which do i choose and why is that a good decision? P.S.which one will get me some."

"To see your drama clearly is to be liberated from it." - Ken Keyes, Jr

3. "This website is to complicated with the weird answers that don't make any sense?"

Random answer:

"The person without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder." - Thomas Carlyle

4. "Now I have decided to grow up, get a mortgage and have a baby, I don't have anyone to have a baby or settle down with. Do I pick a nice boy with no personality that pays the bills before it's too late? Or do I hold out for a super dude that may not exist eh?"

Random answer:

"One person caring about another represents life's greatest value." - Jim Rohn

5. "Right - so now you're telling me to hold out for someone and persist instead of settling for less right? Isn't that directly opposite to you just telling me caring about someone and having someone to care about me being what mattered in life? When do I get my million pounds and where's my t shirt?"

Random answer:

"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go." - William Feather

6. "People sometimes forget that I am human so why shouldn't I feel sorry for myself if no one else will."

Random answer:

"Criticism is something we can avoid easily -- by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." - Aristotle

7. "There isn't a 'solve another problem' option so I have to go back twice - what can I do?"

Random answer:

"Criticism is something we can avoid easily -- by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." - Aristotle

8. "When I did the second one about there not being a 'solve another problem' button - it gave me the same answer - is this because I went back twice?"

Random answer:

"He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise." - Lao-Tzu

9. "I need to move a sofa and I cant get a man with a van and all the places are shut!"

Random answer:

"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." - Jonathan Kozol

10. "I'm clinically obese, what should I do?"

Random answer:

"Expect your every need to be met, expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level, expect to grow spiritually." - Eileen Caddy

11. "Why cant I hold a job for longer then three months?"

Random answer:

"Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress." - Ghandi

--

Ahem, ahem, ahem! Need I comment further? Really?

Here we saw duplicate answers; the clinically obese encouraged to eat what they want; answers to problems that aren't even problems, etc. This kind of problem-solving sometimes antagonises more than soothes, it really does. Just read this, for example, from one such frustrated person with a 'problem':

12. "My problem is [EgoFatigo.com], it sucks and i think it will probably make me go braindead from boredom and the whole stupidity of it"

Random answer:

"You should always be aware that your head creates your world." - Ken Keyes

--

Clearly, the above is mumbo-jumbo nonsense.

Even the answers aren't random, but generalisations (wisdom) that could at a pinch apply to most situations.

Wow, that's clever. Not!

Homer Simpson had it about right when he said, "Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"

Amen.

If you think this is a load of cynical believe-nothing nonsense then why don't you read part 1 of this article called, Solving Your Problems - Why Random Answers Work? (You'll find it in The World According to Boring John EXTRAS ebook - coming soon to a blog near you!)

Otherwise there really is nothing to see here and you and I should both move on. Problems? What problems!...

ENOUGH!...

of all that bollox, Joe Strummer's got something to say.

Take it away, Joe...

"People can do anything."

Thanks, Joe. I think the people needed to hear that. And no, I'm not hearing voices from the grave (again) - it's just something Joe said in an excellent DVD documentary called The Future is Unwritten.

It certainly is, Joe. It certainly is.

There's Nowt So Strange as... Email

I read this funny email today - not sure who wrote it (he lied). Anyway, here it is:

"I think people deal with [difficult] situations differently. If H. really didn't feel anything for you then I don't think he'd have to hide himself away in another relationship as soon as possible. You are facing your feelings and he isn't. That's all. So don't think that he didn't care about you, because, perversely, his current behaviour means that he did. That's how I think you should look at it, anyway :-)"

So, black is white then and if I beat you up it means that I love you, really.

Wow! There's nowt so strange as email is there, nowt so strange indeed?

Agent Bhangra vs The Buddha (Part 1)

If you should go to the woods tonight... Or rather, if you should go to Agent Bhangra's place on MySpace tonight - y'know for a rayt good physical workout (of bhangra aerobics)! If you should do that, you will find this lovely, quaint saying there:

"Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals."

Ooh, we wonder what harm that wicked love doth do to one so fair and sweet as Agent B. (We wonder why I doth come over all poetic too.)

But, Lady B, did the Buddha really say that? Are you sure that it wasn't some other geyser called Sir John Denham. He seems much more your type of guy, no? A sir and all.

Okay, okay so it was Siddharta Buddha - Sir JD must have said it later. (Bloddy Johnny Come-Latelys - who needs em!) So, do you and ol' Siddy B. have a thing going on then, eh, Agent Bhangra? Did he seduce you with his fine words, did he? Tch, you so easy, girl!

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."

Oooh, he is a smooth one indeed. I bet his actions speak louder than words, too, if you know what I'm getting at. Heh heh!

You wish!

Actually, you should be careful what you wish for, Agent Bhangra, covered as you are with your permagrin and lycra, cos the Buddha, he say this too:

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world."

With my thoughts I make my world, that's for sure: the world according to Boring John. And in my world I know that you fancy him rotten, I know it. Don't deny it, hon., just don't! We all know that you're pretending to be disinterested, but you're loved up for 'im good and proper, I know. Oh baby!

Remember, "Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. "

Oh, oh, here comes the bhangra beat!

Oh, oh, here comes the snarl!

Oh, oh, here comes the hand, ready to be clenched!

All right, on second thoughts, you can deny it all you want. I've 'eard about that tongue of yours, and that snarl, and maybe the Buddha has too - eep!

"The tongue like a sharp knife... Kills without drawing blood."

You can't argue with that.

Yep, that Buddha gets around a bit, knows a thing or two. He does a lot of thinking; a lot of thinking about ideas...

"An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea."

I likes that one in particular, I do.

And this:

"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting."

Oh yes.

(Do you think that's what Elvis meant to say in his latest no.1 hit ?)

And this one is schweet, too:

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

(What are you doin' this moment, hunny bun, right this moment? Ya smilin'? Ah, schweet!)

But then he says:

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."

So what are we all to think, huh, what are we all to feel?

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

Oh no, no! Not the hot coals routine, again. You and yer bloody coals, Mr Sid Carter; always with the hot coals. Ya had to go and spoil things with yer 'grasping a hot coal' spiel. (Tch! That bloody know-it-all Buddah - enough already!)

As for you, AB, you so spoilt you really are. You get a whole page of words from me and the buddha. What more could a girl ask for, eh? What more, indeed...

Perhaps you would like to comment.

In yer own good time, of course, in yer own good time.

BJ

PS Agent Bhangra, AgentBhangra, agent bha-ba-ha-hah!-angra :-)
Agent Bhangra!

Married Man Syndrome

Married Man Syndrome?

Is this an impressive, intelligent article about our much-maligned Married Man?

Does it contain easy-to-say, but hard-to-do wisdom for women and men alike?

Is it food for thought?

Answers on a postcard, please!

PS Yes, I have been busy! Aint you?

Secrets and lies

Whilst He was working, or so He tells me, He discovered this little tidbit of wisdom

"if something is knowable, then assume it is known."

When you consider that it's actually referring to Google, and not keeping secrets like I thought it was, then you might feel a little shudder down your spine. Well I would. Particularly if you realise how many products Google has (e.g. toolbar, email, web stats etc.) that collect data. But Google is not the only data hog. Stores like Tesco love to collect the ol' info with their rewards schemes. Even that card scheme those "lucky, lucky, lucky" people living in London use - Urchin Card? - contains an awful lot of information about one's movements, don't you know.

Anyway, as I said, He was working and He shared the tidbit with me.

It's how I've always operated when it comes to keeping secrets, actually. Tell no-one. Simple as.

Who Said This?

"I cannot be happy whilst you, someone I care about, are not. I am not responsible for your happiness but it does not seem fair for me to find peace when your life is still shadowed in pain?"

Whoever said it, and I have a strong idea which Idiot it was, they are destined to live a life of struggle, for sure.

"It wasn't your fault," said the adult to the little boy in the photo. "It wasn't your fault."

Wipe the tear from your eye, Mr Idiot. It was not Your fault.

The Last Line

Phew!

I've written it, at last, the last line in a novel that I wrote. Actually, it's a book, not a novel, and the last line is also the first line, and I didn't write the book, I'm just a character in it. But who's quibbling, here!

Want to know what it is? The last line, and all? Well I wasn't going to tell, but as I know you're curious and as I know that no bugger else reads this blog (yet) I'll tell. But you must promise not to share it with a soul! None of that "I know that Harry Potter dies in Book 7" nonsense. Last lines are important, see.

Okay, here goes.

But please don't laugh (or "I will die").

Why not?

Well it's not only a last line to a book, but it's also (one of) the last lines in the lives of people like you and me. And if you laugh at the line, you laugh at The Truth of Life.

And you should never laugh at Truth. (Unless it's a joke at Truth's expense, but then you know what I think about jokes, don't you!)

Yes, Truth (aka wisdom) always comes back to bite you in yer bum when you're not looking. (Ouch!)

Never laugh at truth or wisdom, and you'll live a happier life.

It's true.

Okay, then. Drum roll, maestro please. ("I thank you.")

The last line is...

"And that's how two characters should dance together in life."

(Hidden above. In white font. Hee hee!)

Are You Talking To Me...

Or Chewing A Brick?

Ah, that's how jolly clever we were in the 1970s and 80s.

Now it's the twenty first century and Mark Joyner wants to know this:

Do You Make Me Vomit?

(Well do ya, do ya punk?)

Me and Thomas Jefferson Agree...

"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom."

Yes. It's quotations time, folks. Maybe you think that a lot of those words of wisdom are a lot of tosh or easier said than done or whatever. Well let me tell you whatever.

Whatever!

When your days are done; when the earth is no more; and when the universe has shrivelled back into the hole whence it came, the words of wisdom you sneer at unbelievingly, well they will still be true.

Wisdom will always be.

Just because you, and me sometimes don't get me wrong, can't fit wisdom into your time-pressured existence don't make it wrong.

It aint wrong, it's the truth; can ya stand the double truth (Ruth)?

As regards honesty, it's one of the few things I admire about Da Other Guy actually. He don't always achieve perfect honesty but he has always, since I have known him anyway, held honesty to be one of his core values.

So, dude, today I salute You!

But tomorrow Your toned-up health-freak of an ass is mine!

Values?

(The character who expresses the views below really should be doing something else right now. He really should be acting out his character in the book that he stars in. Is this inactivity his fault, or the Writer's fault? I'm not sure and will get back to you on that one. Okay...)

Values: a question.

Do I share your values and if I don't should I?

This is one of those deep and meaningful questions that really should get the juices flowing. Understanding your answer really will help you communicate better, especially with those few that seem utterly puzzling to communicate with.

Consider answering the question your homework.

You are not allowed to post any comments on this blog without first satisfactorily answering that question to yourself. You will know what satisfactory means.

I'll get you started shall I by answering the question myself

My answer: Some of them, and no

3 Little Words?

I opened one of those random quotations books yesterday, y'know like my mate Ego Fatigo based his (or her, I can't be sure!) website on. Basically, it was offering wisdom in love, and you just had to think of a love-related problem.

So, anyways, these are the three little words that resulted (I did it three times, see):

1. Transition
   
2. Healing
   
3. Get over it

So there you go.

Utter nonsense, as I suspected...

No wisdom in MySpace!

I got this bulletin the other day. It's been removed by the poster so I can't remember the full details, but it kinda goes like this (obviously I've improved the grammar and spelling!)

Subject: Women beware men [summat like that]

Just to let you know that my friend met this man the
other day from MySpace. He texted and emailed and
wanted to meet up so she finally gave in and agreed
to meet up. Well... They met for a beer and they kissed
and, er, I'll spare you the gory details. Anyway, as he
dropped her off the guy said: "Thank you now fuck off!"
She's really upset [No kidding] and he's not replied to
any of her texts [Again. No kidding]. Why are men such
bastards?

I don't know why all men (implied) are bastards.

But I do wonder why some women are so f*cking stupid.

Don't get me going. I can sense a pedestal moment. No. I will resist. (Still mopping up the blood from the last nasty incident.)

"Life is a crock of shit"

"Life is a crock of shit"
- Kilgore Trout

"...God give me strength for it was much more than I could bear!"
- [Author without name]

So what does Boring John think about life? (And why is that bloody author without a bloody name, still? Why is he - must be a bloody he - griping on about wimmin when we're talking about life here? Back to the script...)

What does Boring John think?

He aint as cool about it as he should be, that's fer sure. (Clearly.) Dagnabbit. I mean he still gets annoyed when he tries to arrange a meeting with one particular imaginary character - a soiree for goodness sake. All she has to do is fail to respond, fail to answer his questions about the meeting of minds (?) for a few days and he gets annoyed, he gets agitated and he gets aggressive.

Huh?

What's annoying about that?

• The fact that none of his other friends (real or imaginary) do this to him. They all say, 'Meet me here at 7pm. Here's my mobi in case there's any trouble. Here's my email. Blah blah blah'. So what?
  
• The fact that he has absolutely no idea why, after a few years of 'knowing him' this imaginary character still behaves with caution towards him. Still waters might run deep, he thinks, but no one ever got run over (repeatedly) by still, freakin, waters whether they run deep or not.
  
• The fact that this caution smacks of fear. Fear? he asks himself. What does a freakin imaginary character like Boring John have to do to prove that he is not the bad guy in this story? He's a genuine, bona fide, good guy. Extra good on Tuesdays. Yeah he makes mistakes, but his heart's in the right place. He aint someone to fear. Etc.

The Iraq war; Shilpa versus Jade; July 7th Conspiracies* Now these things are annoying. That stuff above? When you're coolio with life, it's a rant on a blog at most. Move along. Nothing to see here. More et ceteras.

Mr Editor, you're right! You know what, it's not annoying.

And Boring John is only writing this piece because it used to be annoying, f*cking annoying indeed. The most annoying thing about it, though, was the fact that he really didn't understand this behaviour and HE LIKES TO UNDERSTAND more than anything else in the world. More than dancing; more than sticking it in; and more than football or talking about David Beckham's salary (how much?)!

But Boring John is a little wiser these days, the straight-jacket a tad more comfortable; and the need to understand is slowly being replaced by the need to accept. (Though he's been saying that for a long time in his various efforts to get the knickers off. [That's harsh - Mr Editor])

So is life a crock of shit or is Kilgore just a sour-faced trout?

Tell me, in person, why don't ya! Whether there are other Bohemian Creatures to witness the conversation or not. Who needs 'em? We don't.

--

(*) Note: it is not 7/7 (seven seven). We freakin DON'T use that expression for our dates in the UK. I know it would have confused the Americans if the July 7th bombers blew themselves up on the 8th of July. They'd be thinking 7th of August not 8th of July and it wouldn't quite have the same ring to it. No, it obviously had to be the 7th of July so everyone understands. In the same way it had to be doubly spelt out to our wealthier cousins in the great US of A: 9/11 - could it be any clearer? It's great that the terrorists had such an understanding of Western media when they planned these terrorist atrocities, it really is.

Yes. I am digressing. What time shall we meet? Lol

Pain?

"Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter portion by which the physician within you heals your sick self" -- Kahlil Gibran

Well Kahlil much of my pain has now gone. My hair is cut, see, and the world feels much less heavy on my shoulders today. Hooray!

(I have been a bit anxious about the impending hair cut, though. Hence the lack of witty posts on here. You hadn't noticed you say? Hmmm.)

5 New Year Resolutions

A character I know wants to change. And the beginning of a new year is as good a time as any to try and effect those changes. So here they are - unchanged, so as not to protect the innocent.

Changes

#1 - Start treating my work as a business, and not as work

#2 - Stop worrying about my love life; just do it (thank you Nike, but I won't be wearing the shoes!)

#3 - Stop worrying about anything, especially offending other people (hey I offend people whilst worrying about not offending them, so I might as well not worry about it!)

#4 - Start being more direct with the opposite sex (this combines changes #2 and #3)

#5 - Stop planning, start doing

So, character I don't know, what are you going to change, what resolutions do you have for 2007?

What's Jane Austin doing here?

"Why not seize the pleasure at once? How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!"

- Jane Austen

Erm, Jane, can I get back to you on that in a little while! I've just go to...

Ego Fatigo

Interesting character that Ego Fatigo; hangs with some interesting types indeed.

Just overheard this conversation between Ego Fatigo and one Goethe no less

"Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is; treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be."

(Do you think now is not the time to interrupt 'em to see if they want one of me Terry's All Gold then? Yum, yum more for me I guess!)