The World According to... Boring John

Welcome to my jokes page

Or rather my rant about jokes page. Rant? Yes, jokes are not funny and I don't understand why people think that they are.

Example joke!

A bloke walks into a pub and sees Van Gogh standing at the bar.
"Hi Van, can I get you a drink?"
"No thanks, I got one ear."

See! Bloody not funny.

I watched that Peter Kay live once. Very funny man. Part of his very funny routine - "gar-lic bread!" - was telling a couple of jokes.

Yes, we laughed, cos his jokes were crap. If he'd have stood up there and told a load of jokes I'd have left straight away. I'd have heckled first, obviously, with the witty and un-putdownable

"Gerrof! You're rubbish"

But then I'd have left.

He didn't do that, because...

Jokes -- are -- not - funny!

Period.

You know different?

Okay, please do send me your funny jokes to prove me wrong. Here's my email address

NotOnYourNelly@JokesAreNOTFunnyHoney.com

:-)

(In American speak, that's equivalent to.... NOT!)

Jokes
are
not
funny

Not blonde jokes.

Not text message jokes

Not even jokes that are funny.

Life is funny.

A story well told is funny.

Exploding conkers is funny.

Loads of things are funny.

But not freakin jokes.

Allright!

Are we clear! Here!

Now move along. And if you want to break out into a Monty Python Funny Walk that's fine. If you want to say "Bob" with a particular emphasis on the b (a la Blackadder) that's fine. If just you just wanna say "D'oh!" then that's fine, too. But no jokes. They're not funny. Okay?

:-)