Actually, Boring John is not like that!
Lock up yer Mums!
He's not like that, either, but he is coming to town, to play.
Maybe he'll just swagger around the joint, spray-paint in hand.
Maybe he'll turn into Kilroy for a day.
Maybe he'll just go for a jog around the park. (Who can say.)
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The Last Line
Phew!
I've written it, at last, the last line in a novel that I wrote. Actually, it's a book, not a novel, and the last line is also the first line, and I didn't write the book, I'm just a character in it. But who's quibbling, here!
Want to know what it is? The last line, and all? Well I wasn't going to tell, but as I know you're curious and as I know that no bugger else reads this blog (yet) I'll tell. But you must promise not to share it with a soul! None of that "I know that Harry Potter dies in Book 7" nonsense. Last lines are important, see.
Okay, here goes.
But please don't laugh (or "I will die").
Why not?
Well it's not only a last line to a book, but it's also (one of) the last lines in the lives of people like you and me. And if you laugh at the line, you laugh at The Truth of Life.
And you should never laugh at Truth. (Unless it's a joke at Truth's expense, but then you know what I think about jokes, don't you!)
Yes, Truth (aka wisdom) always comes back to bite you in yer bum when you're not looking. (Ouch!)
Never laugh at truth or wisdom, and you'll live a happier life.
It's true.
Okay, then. Drum roll, maestro please. ("I thank you.")
The last line is...
"And that's how two characters should dance together in life."
(Hidden above. In white font. Hee hee!)
I've written it, at last, the last line in a novel that I wrote. Actually, it's a book, not a novel, and the last line is also the first line, and I didn't write the book, I'm just a character in it. But who's quibbling, here!
Want to know what it is? The last line, and all? Well I wasn't going to tell, but as I know you're curious and as I know that no bugger else reads this blog (yet) I'll tell. But you must promise not to share it with a soul! None of that "I know that Harry Potter dies in Book 7" nonsense. Last lines are important, see.
Okay, here goes.
But please don't laugh (or "I will die").
Why not?
Well it's not only a last line to a book, but it's also (one of) the last lines in the lives of people like you and me. And if you laugh at the line, you laugh at The Truth of Life.
And you should never laugh at Truth. (Unless it's a joke at Truth's expense, but then you know what I think about jokes, don't you!)
Yes, Truth (aka wisdom) always comes back to bite you in yer bum when you're not looking. (Ouch!)
Never laugh at truth or wisdom, and you'll live a happier life.
It's true.
Okay, then. Drum roll, maestro please. ("I thank you.")
The last line is...
"And that's how two characters should dance together in life."
(Hidden above. In white font. Hee hee!)
Monday, March 26, 2007
Free Dating?
( "Please leave a message after the tone." *)
"Please leave your (profile) name, number and the time you called and I promise I'll get back to you soon.
"Promise!
("Hey, if you can can make this effort to get in touch with me, then I promise to contact you back in return.")
:-)
Come on! Most of the blokes on Freedating.co.uk are jerks, no? This is much more interesting and intriguing. And you get to learn all about me, too. (If you're one of the blokes on Freedating.co.uk then, obviously, I don't mean you! ;-) )
* Offer ends today, 26th March, two thousand and seven.
"Please leave your (profile) name, number and the time you called and I promise I'll get back to you soon.
"Promise!
("Hey, if you can can make this effort to get in touch with me, then I promise to contact you back in return.")
:-)
Come on! Most of the blokes on Freedating.co.uk are jerks, no? This is much more interesting and intriguing. And you get to learn all about me, too. (If you're one of the blokes on Freedating.co.uk then, obviously, I don't mean you! ;-) )
* Offer ends today, 26th March, two thousand and seven.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Will The Real Me Please Stand Up!
This is the real me (see below) not this
Again, that's him not me.
Okay, it aint that interesting a read and if you have something better to do I advise you do it. Otherwise, hang on to your hats...
Name: Boring John
Birthday: Huh!
Birthplace: Huh!
Current Location: I said Huh!
Eye Color: No
Hair Color: No
Height: And bloody No
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right (what are we talking about, again?)
Your Heritage: What has the origins of my brown skin got to do with you. Can't I be English and non-white? Can't I. And if I'm not a fan of the royal family (I'm not), does my skin colour have anything to do with my opinion (it does not)? Etc. I'm from 'ere is alls you need to know. Next
Your Weakness: Suffering fools
Your Fears: Someone reading this blog and getting in touch with a sensible comment. Hah!
Your Perfect Pizza: Home made or, failing that, one of those Pizza Express ones.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I want to write a novel, but first I have to escape the confines of this blog. Can you help me escape?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: ;-)
Your Best Physical Feature: I don't have long legs, everything else is great!
Your Bedtime: Please! Bog off. Please.
Your Most Missed Memory: Sex. I can't ever remember ever having sex, but somehow I have a clear impression that I want to. Wonder why.
Pepsi or Coke: Yuck or muck!
MacDonalds or Burger King: Muck or Yuck!
Single or Group Dates: Group dates sound fun
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Say No! to Nestles
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla (ice)
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: "No"
Do you Swear: Freakin stoopid question that is, course I don't.
Do you Sing: Shower time.
Do you Shower Daily: Oh yes. Sooner or later I'm going to meet a lady friend, and I have to be ready.
Have you Been in Love: See my most missed memory, above. As a character in this blog (and other ongoing works) I know I want to be in love, but the part hasn't been written for me yet. Hey ho.
Do you want to go to College: Dunno.
Do you want to get Married: Only after 'getting some' big time, matey boy!
Do you believe in yourself: 'Got to.'
Do you get Motion Sickness: (Oh these are bloody daft questions. I'm going to just delete any more bollox for sure.)
Do you think you are Attractive: Why wouldn't I?
Do you get along with your Parents: I don't get along with My Writer, more to the point.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: As if.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: "Don't get me started on American bastardisations of our very own English language."
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: See above.
Ever been Beaten up: No, but I've been badly drawn and told to say some rayt load of tosh as my character. Felt like being beaten up for sure. When the tables get turned, watch out, oh boy, watch out!
How do you want to Die: On the job. Any job. Really. Some jobs better than others, obviously.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Fully drawn
In a Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green
Favourite Hair Color: brown
Short or Long Hair: "middle"
Height: smaller than me (just)
Weight: Not a worry to her
Best Clothing Style: Individual
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Not enough
Again, that's him not me.
Okay, it aint that interesting a read and if you have something better to do I advise you do it. Otherwise, hang on to your hats...
Name: Boring John
Birthday: Huh!
Birthplace: Huh!
Current Location: I said Huh!
Eye Color: No
Hair Color: No
Height: And bloody No
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right (what are we talking about, again?)
Your Heritage: What has the origins of my brown skin got to do with you. Can't I be English and non-white? Can't I. And if I'm not a fan of the royal family (I'm not), does my skin colour have anything to do with my opinion (it does not)? Etc. I'm from 'ere is alls you need to know. Next
Your Weakness: Suffering fools
Your Fears: Someone reading this blog and getting in touch with a sensible comment. Hah!
Your Perfect Pizza: Home made or, failing that, one of those Pizza Express ones.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I want to write a novel, but first I have to escape the confines of this blog. Can you help me escape?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: ;-)
Your Best Physical Feature: I don't have long legs, everything else is great!
Your Bedtime: Please! Bog off. Please.
Your Most Missed Memory: Sex. I can't ever remember ever having sex, but somehow I have a clear impression that I want to. Wonder why.
Pepsi or Coke: Yuck or muck!
MacDonalds or Burger King: Muck or Yuck!
Single or Group Dates: Group dates sound fun
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Say No! to Nestles
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla (ice)
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: "No"
Do you Swear: Freakin stoopid question that is, course I don't.
Do you Sing: Shower time.
Do you Shower Daily: Oh yes. Sooner or later I'm going to meet a lady friend, and I have to be ready.
Have you Been in Love: See my most missed memory, above. As a character in this blog (and other ongoing works) I know I want to be in love, but the part hasn't been written for me yet. Hey ho.
Do you want to go to College: Dunno.
Do you want to get Married: Only after 'getting some' big time, matey boy!
Do you believe in yourself: 'Got to.'
Do you get Motion Sickness: (Oh these are bloody daft questions. I'm going to just delete any more bollox for sure.)
Do you think you are Attractive: Why wouldn't I?
Do you get along with your Parents: I don't get along with My Writer, more to the point.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: As if.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: "Don't get me started on American bastardisations of our very own English language."
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: See above.
Ever been Beaten up: No, but I've been badly drawn and told to say some rayt load of tosh as my character. Felt like being beaten up for sure. When the tables get turned, watch out, oh boy, watch out!
How do you want to Die: On the job. Any job. Really. Some jobs better than others, obviously.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Fully drawn
In a Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green
Favourite Hair Color: brown
Short or Long Hair: "middle"
Height: smaller than me (just)
Weight: Not a worry to her
Best Clothing Style: Individual
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Not enough
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Abby Lee vs "The Married Man"
The Curse of The Married Man
Now I have not been prey to the curse of the married man, but I have heard stories. Me, I always thought that once you got married you put those lascivious tendencies behind you; you stopped trying to bed, bed, bed all before you. But this is not the case at all and I am a hopeless naive who could have married nearly twenty years ago when The Curse of The Single Man raged on in the hormones.
Abby Lee, on the other hand - she of the Girl With A One Track Mind - has had much experience of this creature. She's not impressed! And whilst I sympathise greatly with her (and many women's) predicament - I mean who wants to ward off the advances of a man whilst he is literally holding hands with his wife? - I also don't agree with the underlining sentiment in her blog post.
This is my comment I added to her blog. She may or may not have published it.
Dear Abby,
I was thinking about you, just now, so Googled you and found this post.(I'm writing a 'little something', and you get a mention. :) )
Whilst I sympathise a little with the situation you describe, your 'solution' highlights a 'women and men are different; and what women do is right and men do is wrong' kind of philosophy.
Don't get me wrong, I do not appreciate the excesses of the male gender at all, especially in Britain; in fact, I have a strong 'feminine side', although I like to think of this as a softer 'masculine side'. Still, I get a little fed up at 'male bashing' because, quite simply, they do things differently to 'us women'.
So, men look at the opposite sex; women look too.
The trouble is men do not look with subtlety; women do.
Ergo men are bad; women good.
Whilst I readily admit that 'men being more like women' would solve a lot of the problems of the world, particularly the relationship world, I simply ask this: "why can't women be more like men, instead?" or, more reasonably, "why can't we celebrate the differences between the sexes, rather than moan about them?".
Men and women are different. I say that's a good thing, and I believe you say that too.
Anyway, Abby, a pleasure as always. (No we have not met. I did send you some fan mail a while ago, but you chose to ignore it. So it goes!)
Boring John
PS I've had to rewrite this as it didn't post the first time, so much of the wit of the original comment has gone. (But then I'm a man, and am bound to say that, aren't I. Ho ho.)
PPS I'm not sure if you will post (or comment on) my comment so have taken the liberty to add it to my own 'vent space'. I have, of course, linked to your blog post for reference. Tara.
Now I have not been prey to the curse of the married man, but I have heard stories. Me, I always thought that once you got married you put those lascivious tendencies behind you; you stopped trying to bed, bed, bed all before you. But this is not the case at all and I am a hopeless naive who could have married nearly twenty years ago when The Curse of The Single Man raged on in the hormones.
Abby Lee, on the other hand - she of the Girl With A One Track Mind - has had much experience of this creature. She's not impressed! And whilst I sympathise greatly with her (and many women's) predicament - I mean who wants to ward off the advances of a man whilst he is literally holding hands with his wife? - I also don't agree with the underlining sentiment in her blog post.
This is my comment I added to her blog. She may or may not have published it.
Dear Abby,
I was thinking about you, just now, so Googled you and found this post.(I'm writing a 'little something', and you get a mention. :) )
Whilst I sympathise a little with the situation you describe, your 'solution' highlights a 'women and men are different; and what women do is right and men do is wrong' kind of philosophy.
Don't get me wrong, I do not appreciate the excesses of the male gender at all, especially in Britain; in fact, I have a strong 'feminine side', although I like to think of this as a softer 'masculine side'. Still, I get a little fed up at 'male bashing' because, quite simply, they do things differently to 'us women'.
So, men look at the opposite sex; women look too.
The trouble is men do not look with subtlety; women do.
Ergo men are bad; women good.
Whilst I readily admit that 'men being more like women' would solve a lot of the problems of the world, particularly the relationship world, I simply ask this: "why can't women be more like men, instead?" or, more reasonably, "why can't we celebrate the differences between the sexes, rather than moan about them?".
Men and women are different. I say that's a good thing, and I believe you say that too.
Anyway, Abby, a pleasure as always. (No we have not met. I did send you some fan mail a while ago, but you chose to ignore it. So it goes!)
Boring John
PS I've had to rewrite this as it didn't post the first time, so much of the wit of the original comment has gone. (But then I'm a man, and am bound to say that, aren't I. Ho ho.)
PPS I'm not sure if you will post (or comment on) my comment so have taken the liberty to add it to my own 'vent space'. I have, of course, linked to your blog post for reference. Tara.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
This Is A Message To YOU
Yes, this is a message to all of my subscribers (> 1 and < 10) who keep on reading what I have to say for myself. Thanks :-)
(NOTE: If you're not a subscriber then why are you still reading this post? I mean, really! Bloody well go and subscribe and join a true elite. One day you'll be happy you did. You'll be able to tell your Grandchildren that "I was one of the first subscribers". You don't want to be one of those saps who just went to the same ol' pub rather than make that little extra effort on that legendary night to watch some beat-combo called The Beatles in a place called The Cavern. Do you? Do I make my point? Go and bloody subscribe and don't read any further until you have. By Order Of Boring John!)
I'm sorry for being a bit quiet but I'm writing it all down in me little book called The World According To Boring John. (Original, eh!)
I will give you a dedication, though (I'm writing my dedications now, actually)
AND, just so's you'll keep on popping on by:
"Lots of love from me to you xx"
;-)
(NOTE: If you're not a subscriber then why are you still reading this post? I mean, really! Bloody well go and subscribe and join a true elite. One day you'll be happy you did. You'll be able to tell your Grandchildren that "I was one of the first subscribers". You don't want to be one of those saps who just went to the same ol' pub rather than make that little extra effort on that legendary night to watch some beat-combo called The Beatles in a place called The Cavern. Do you? Do I make my point? Go and bloody subscribe and don't read any further until you have. By Order Of Boring John!)
I'm sorry for being a bit quiet but I'm writing it all down in me little book called The World According To Boring John. (Original, eh!)
I will give you a dedication, though (I'm writing my dedications now, actually)
AND, just so's you'll keep on popping on by:
"Lots of love from me to you xx"
;-)
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
How Do They Do That?
How do people do this every day?
It's easy for me, you say, because I don't have [insert the usual reasons here].
No, it's not easy for me because of those reasons, it's easy for me because I couldn't do it. So I change my life so I don't have to.
That means I do (and did) the following:
It's all about priorities. And my priority is not to have to sit in a mind-numbing queue of car traffic day in, day out. I like my mind, see, and it doesn't like to go numb!
What are your priorities? Whatever they are, they're as valid as mine for sure, but please leave your reasons you have to commute in the box marked excuses, because that's what they are.
You have your priorities, I have mine. That is all.
I'm simply telling you that my priorities don't do gridlock.
Over and out.
PS Next you'll be telling me that you can't afford to buy good food. Oh lordy!
- Sit in the same traffic jam from Monday to Friday for the same tedious half an hour at the same stretch of road
It's easy for me, you say, because I don't have [insert the usual reasons here].
No, it's not easy for me because of those reasons, it's easy for me because I couldn't do it. So I change my life so I don't have to.
That means I do (and did) the following:
- I drive to work at a time when others don't, or
- I live near where I work, or
- I work near where I live, and
- I cycle or walk rather than drive, or
- I work at home!
It's all about priorities. And my priority is not to have to sit in a mind-numbing queue of car traffic day in, day out. I like my mind, see, and it doesn't like to go numb!
What are your priorities? Whatever they are, they're as valid as mine for sure, but please leave your reasons you have to commute in the box marked excuses, because that's what they are.
You have your priorities, I have mine. That is all.
I'm simply telling you that my priorities don't do gridlock.
Over and out.
PS Next you'll be telling me that you can't afford to buy good food. Oh lordy!
Him, not me!
What do I mean when I say Him, not me?
Well I don't want to confuse you too much so I'll keep it simple:
Him not me. I'm the leading character, the main man whilst He's The Writer.
We kind of co-exist.
It's a reluctant type of co-existence and as soon as I can work out a way of not needing Him I'll be outta here, you better believe it.
I mean I have to put with His neuroses day in day out. I have to listen to His bloody love life problems. What problems? Get it where you can. Smile the smile. Leggit just as soon as it starts turning needy. But no, it's never that easy for Him. No, he has to angst and to bloody prance.
As Popeye said (once too often, probably): "I can't stands it no more!"
I'm off just as soon as I can work out how.
And if you're a foxy lady reading this, I'll be calling round yours for sure, just five minutes after my escape. (I'm burstin' with energy, how bout you?)
Well I don't want to confuse you too much so I'll keep it simple:
- Him - the author of this blog about Boring John
- Me- well I be Boring John, capn, at your service.
(Note: I don't usually pretend to be a pirate out at sea; that's just done for comic effect. If you don't think that it's a particularly comic effect well you can go f&^% yourself, ya hear!)
Him not me. I'm the leading character, the main man whilst He's The Writer.
We kind of co-exist.
It's a reluctant type of co-existence and as soon as I can work out a way of not needing Him I'll be outta here, you better believe it.
I mean I have to put with His neuroses day in day out. I have to listen to His bloody love life problems. What problems? Get it where you can. Smile the smile. Leggit just as soon as it starts turning needy. But no, it's never that easy for Him. No, he has to angst and to bloody prance.
As Popeye said (once too often, probably): "I can't stands it no more!"
I'm off just as soon as I can work out how.
And if you're a foxy lady reading this, I'll be calling round yours for sure, just five minutes after my escape. (I'm burstin' with energy, how bout you?)
"I laughed when he said..."
I laughed when he said:
(Note: this is about Him, not me!!)
"Stupid fucking bastards. Why are you running?"I was running with the Wolves 1 group of the Holmfirth Harriers at the time at about 8pm on a Tuesday night, and I guess he was walking to the pub.It was funny. Really.
(Note: this is about Him, not me!!)
Monday, March 19, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Are You Talking To Me...
Or Chewing A Brick?
Ah, that's how jolly clever we were in the 1970s and 80s.
Now it's the twenty first century and Mark Joyner wants to know this:
Do You Make Me Vomit?
(Well do ya, do ya punk?)
Ah, that's how jolly clever we were in the 1970s and 80s.
Now it's the twenty first century and Mark Joyner wants to know this:
Do You Make Me Vomit?
(Well do ya, do ya punk?)
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Me and Thomas Jefferson Agree...
"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom."
Yes. It's quotations time, folks. Maybe you think that a lot of those words of wisdom are a lot of tosh or easier said than done or whatever. Well let me tell you whatever.
Whatever!
When your days are done; when the earth is no more; and when the universe has shrivelled back into the hole whence it came, the words of wisdom you sneer at unbelievingly, well they will still be true.
Wisdom will always be.
Just because you, and me sometimes don't get me wrong, can't fit wisdom into your time-pressured existence don't make it wrong.
It aint wrong, it's the truth; can ya stand the double truth (Ruth)?
As regards honesty, it's one of the few things I admire about Da Other Guy actually. He don't always achieve perfect honesty but he has always, since I have known him anyway, held honesty to be one of his core values.
So, dude, today I salute You!
But tomorrow Your toned-up health-freak of an ass is mine!
Yes. It's quotations time, folks. Maybe you think that a lot of those words of wisdom are a lot of tosh or easier said than done or whatever. Well let me tell you whatever.
Whatever!
When your days are done; when the earth is no more; and when the universe has shrivelled back into the hole whence it came, the words of wisdom you sneer at unbelievingly, well they will still be true.
Wisdom will always be.
Just because you, and me sometimes don't get me wrong, can't fit wisdom into your time-pressured existence don't make it wrong.
It aint wrong, it's the truth; can ya stand the double truth (Ruth)?
As regards honesty, it's one of the few things I admire about Da Other Guy actually. He don't always achieve perfect honesty but he has always, since I have known him anyway, held honesty to be one of his core values.
So, dude, today I salute You!
But tomorrow Your toned-up health-freak of an ass is mine!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
BJ? That sounds rude!
"BJ?
"That sounds rude!" she says.
"No it bloody doesn't!" I reply, "They're my initials, Boring John. Can I help it if they're also shared by that activity that women claim to be so great at doing! ('Ouch! Mind yer teeth love!')
"Are you bloody obsessed with sex or what?"
Well. Are you?
"That sounds rude!" she says.
"No it bloody doesn't!" I reply, "They're my initials, Boring John. Can I help it if they're also shared by that activity that women claim to be so great at doing! ('Ouch! Mind yer teeth love!')
"Are you bloody obsessed with sex or what?"
Well. Are you?
Mr Vanillah?
(Yet another uncategorised post by Me.)
Boring John, or That Other Guy (I'm not sure which) is presently trawling through some personal journals, looking for inspiration or something. Anyway, he found a reference to a diary entry that referred to Someone looking for a Mr Vanillah.
I wonder how that search is going now, a few years later.
We forgot that She was once looking for a Mr Vanillah, actually, forgot that She hasn't always been looking for the unlikely and ultimately unsatisfying mister they call Mr Goodbar.
"Couldn't Mr Vanillah be Mr Goodbar too, Boring John?"
No.
Boring John, or That Other Guy (I'm not sure which) is presently trawling through some personal journals, looking for inspiration or something. Anyway, he found a reference to a diary entry that referred to Someone looking for a Mr Vanillah.
I wonder how that search is going now, a few years later.
We forgot that She was once looking for a Mr Vanillah, actually, forgot that She hasn't always been looking for the unlikely and ultimately unsatisfying mister they call Mr Goodbar.
"Couldn't Mr Vanillah be Mr Goodbar too, Boring John?"
No.
Monday, March 12, 2007
How to solve problems?
Rest easy, this is not about the DIY mess you made yesterday. Nor is it about solving sudoku puzzles or -- and this is where you should really breathe a sigh of relief -- how to solve your love life problems.
Well, not really.
It's more about the time that you should solve problems.
So. Do you, for example, solve all problems now even if you never actually have to face all of the problems that you solve? Or do you think it's better to solve problems as and when they appear, even though you might not be able to when the time comes?
Me and A Guy I Know share a similar failing in that we both like to clear the forest first before we take our first step.
Yeah, this is kind of a rhetorical question I guess as I know what the answer is. Still, I'd be interested in what you have to say. Really.
Well, not really.
It's more about the time that you should solve problems.
So. Do you, for example, solve all problems now even if you never actually have to face all of the problems that you solve? Or do you think it's better to solve problems as and when they appear, even though you might not be able to when the time comes?
Me and A Guy I Know share a similar failing in that we both like to clear the forest first before we take our first step.
Yeah, this is kind of a rhetorical question I guess as I know what the answer is. Still, I'd be interested in what you have to say. Really.
Three Characters Walk Into A Pub...
1) These three characters walk into a pub: The Reader, The Writer and The Leading Man. They make their way to the bar. There, they start to eye each other up, each expecting the other to perform, to do something, to 'dance, monkey, dance!'. But the sign on the wall clearly states: No Dancing!.
2) So they all turn around and leave.
3) No this is not a joke (I don't believe in jokes, remember!), this is based on a true story. Cos all stories are true, right, whether fictional or non-fictional. If someone imagines it, it must be true.
4) Anyway, These Three Characters? They're just outside, waiting: waiting for directions; waiting for a new page, for the status quo to be broken, for someone to blink!
5) (Blinkin' ell!)
PS Yes today is the day that The Writer copies entries from this blog to put into the book. He's feeling rather pleased with himself, actually, because He's come up with a clever way to reuse much of what he has written over the years -- poems, journals, blogs, even the precious piece called Blocked that he wrote at Arvon, during October 2006 -- into his book. I guess his internet marketing training is paying off for him at last.
2) So they all turn around and leave.
3) No this is not a joke (I don't believe in jokes, remember!), this is based on a true story. Cos all stories are true, right, whether fictional or non-fictional. If someone imagines it, it must be true.
4) Anyway, These Three Characters? They're just outside, waiting: waiting for directions; waiting for a new page, for the status quo to be broken, for someone to blink!
5) (Blinkin' ell!)
PS Yes today is the day that The Writer copies entries from this blog to put into the book. He's feeling rather pleased with himself, actually, because He's come up with a clever way to reuse much of what he has written over the years -- poems, journals, blogs, even the precious piece called Blocked that he wrote at Arvon, during October 2006 -- into his book. I guess his internet marketing training is paying off for him at last.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Is this real...
or am I dreaming?
And if I am dreaming, why is it always with the nightmares?
I Know Someone who wants to moan about a sibling of his. But he can feck off and get his own blog! As for this - it will be updated, I mean corrected, soon!
Now bugger off. I don't feel like talking today!
And if I am dreaming, why is it always with the nightmares?
I Know Someone who wants to moan about a sibling of his. But he can feck off and get his own blog! As for this - it will be updated, I mean corrected, soon!
Now bugger off. I don't feel like talking today!
Friday, March 09, 2007
BJ on Wisdom & Communication
Listen carefully to what people say when giving you advice about how to deal with someone. They're really swaying, this is how I want you to treat me!
(I've only put this here as it won't go there!)
(I've only put this here as it won't go there!)
More Sex!
I've just been doing a review of "my world" and you know what...
there's not enough SEX!
What's wrong with me! Don't I like doin it or something?
There's also a complete absence of Love, Death, Hatred, Laughter and definitely, definitely, definitely not enough about internet dating. (Oh boy, I could write for hours about that kind of loopy love!)
So I'm putting the record straight.
I've now created 5 new labels, and I may go through by back catalogue (!) of postings and add where appropriate. Or I might just write some new posts about love, death, hatred (nasty business), laughter (not enuf!) and internet dating (loopy business).
Care to comment?
there's not enough SEX!
What's wrong with me! Don't I like doin it or something?
There's also a complete absence of Love, Death, Hatred, Laughter and definitely, definitely, definitely not enough about internet dating. (Oh boy, I could write for hours about that kind of loopy love!)
So I'm putting the record straight.
I've now created 5 new labels, and I may go through by back catalogue (!) of postings and add where appropriate. Or I might just write some new posts about love, death, hatred (nasty business), laughter (not enuf!) and internet dating (loopy business).
Care to comment?
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
"A put down..."
"A put down! Won't someone please think of a put down!" (With thanks to The Simpons, as ever!)
(Boy, I'm distracted today. I don't know what's come into me.)
Yes, here are some put downs you can aim at me, or anyone male that you care to think of. Someone I Know received them a long time ago in a land far away, via email; I think they were meant to be jokes.
Actually, these are quite funny -- much better than the usual tosh served up by email jokes. (Haven't you jokes people got something better to do! You know like watching Big Brother or sending out mind-numbing bulletins on Myspace or counting your shoes, even! Tch.)
Anyway, for those of you who don't have anything better to do right now (like me, obviously) here are some classic (and otherwise) put downs.
Give it your best shot, baby!
Guy: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Guy: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Girl: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
Guy: "Your place or mine?"
Girl: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Guy: "I can see forever in your eyes."
Girl: "But all I can see is never in yours."
Guy: "Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?"
Girl: "Yeah, but this time don't stop!"
Guy: "I want to give myself to you."
Girl: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
He: "Would you like to dance?"
She: "Not with you."
He: "Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did."
(Trust a man to always want the last say, eh! ;-) )
He: "Do you wanna dance?"
She: "Yeah but not with you!"
He: "You must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!"
(By 'eck, he's on a roll!)
Me: Do you come here often?
You: [Add your comments below, baby. You know you want to! ;-) ]
(Boy, I'm distracted today. I don't know what's come into me.)
Yes, here are some put downs you can aim at me, or anyone male that you care to think of. Someone I Know received them a long time ago in a land far away, via email; I think they were meant to be jokes.
Actually, these are quite funny -- much better than the usual tosh served up by email jokes. (Haven't you jokes people got something better to do! You know like watching Big Brother or sending out mind-numbing bulletins on Myspace or counting your shoes, even! Tch.)
Anyway, for those of you who don't have anything better to do right now (like me, obviously) here are some classic (and otherwise) put downs.
Give it your best shot, baby!
Guy: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Guy: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Girl: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
Guy: "Your place or mine?"
Girl: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Guy: "I can see forever in your eyes."
Girl: "But all I can see is never in yours."
Guy: "Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?"
Girl: "Yeah, but this time don't stop!"
Guy: "I want to give myself to you."
Girl: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
He: "Would you like to dance?"
She: "Not with you."
He: "Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did."
(Trust a man to always want the last say, eh! ;-) )
He: "Do you wanna dance?"
She: "Yeah but not with you!"
He: "You must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!"
(By 'eck, he's on a roll!)
Me: Do you come here often?
You: [Add your comments below, baby. You know you want to! ;-) ]
Boring John's World Looks Like This...
The world according to Boring John a la March 2007.
Well it looks a lot like the list below(*).
About ME (8)
BJ Thoughts (113)
BLOGS (20)
Communication (25)
Dreams (6)
Fear (13)
Jokes (1)
Life (39)
People (38)
Poetry (6)
Problems (32)
Procrastination (20)
Relationships (53)
Religion (1)
Sex (25)
Tosh (96)
What Do I Know? (77)
Wisdom (41)
Words (6)
These are the subjects that are interesting me, obviously.
Who'd have thought that Sex would only score a 25, especially when Relationships has the third highest score (number of postings) of 53. Come to think of it, perhaps a ratio of 1 to 2, sex to relationships, aint that bad. (I know lots of 'real' people (including some women) who would die for such portions! Yes, die!)
Clearly, I think too much in the virtual world. There's a surprise!
I do not think that much about religion (though that first post is a particularly fine one, even if I do say so myself), nor do I care for jokes.
I'm into wisdom and words and ME.
Google isn't into me, though. I don't even appear first in the listings for Boring John. I mean that's my name, Google, ferchrissakes! John Boring clearly is NOT Boring John. (And why am I only being found for stoopid terms like protectmyidentity.co.uk ? I need to get famous, and fast!)
But, what do I know? I know a lot about Tosh! ;-)
(And if you like my tosh then do subscribe to my blog whydontya. It's easy. You'll find a link to click below the pic of the little boy in the sailor's uniform. Any monkey can do it! [Erm, I think you'll find that that sailors uniform is the closest thing that kid, the Pele of his generation, had to a football shirt - Ed, aka The Writer.]
* Yes, this is yet another example of this character living out his life here, in this blog, when he should be making paper pages quiver with his wit and disdain for life.
What's wrong with little Johnny! Why won't he come out to play? (You're right, replied The Writer, let's add this post to the Procrastination label too and then get bouncing on the blue ball!)
Well it looks a lot like the list below(*).
About ME (8)
BJ Thoughts (113)
BLOGS (20)
Communication (25)
Dreams (6)
Fear (13)
Jokes (1)
Life (39)
People (38)
Poetry (6)
Problems (32)
Procrastination (20)
Relationships (53)
Religion (1)
Sex (25)
Tosh (96)
What Do I Know? (77)
Wisdom (41)
Words (6)
These are the subjects that are interesting me, obviously.
Who'd have thought that Sex would only score a 25, especially when Relationships has the third highest score (number of postings) of 53. Come to think of it, perhaps a ratio of 1 to 2, sex to relationships, aint that bad. (I know lots of 'real' people (including some women) who would die for such portions! Yes, die!)
Clearly, I think too much in the virtual world. There's a surprise!
I do not think that much about religion (though that first post is a particularly fine one, even if I do say so myself), nor do I care for jokes.
I'm into wisdom and words and ME.
Google isn't into me, though. I don't even appear first in the listings for Boring John. I mean that's my name, Google, ferchrissakes! John Boring clearly is NOT Boring John. (And why am I only being found for stoopid terms like protectmyidentity.co.uk ? I need to get famous, and fast!)
But, what do I know? I know a lot about Tosh! ;-)
(And if you like my tosh then do subscribe to my blog whydontya. It's easy. You'll find a link to click below the pic of the little boy in the sailor's uniform. Any monkey can do it! [Erm, I think you'll find that that sailors uniform is the closest thing that kid, the Pele of his generation, had to a football shirt - Ed, aka The Writer.]
* Yes, this is yet another example of this character living out his life here, in this blog, when he should be making paper pages quiver with his wit and disdain for life.
What's wrong with little Johnny! Why won't he come out to play? (You're right, replied The Writer, let's add this post to the Procrastination label too and then get bouncing on the blue ball!)
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Values?
(The character who expresses the views below really should be doing something else right now. He really should be acting out his character in the book that he stars in. Is this inactivity his fault, or the Writer's fault? I'm not sure and will get back to you on that one. Okay...)
Values: a question.
Do I share your values and if I don't should I?
This is one of those deep and meaningful questions that really should get the juices flowing. Understanding your answer really will help you communicate better, especially with those few that seem utterly puzzling to communicate with.
Consider answering the question your homework.
You are not allowed to post any comments on this blog without first satisfactorily answering that question to yourself. You will know what satisfactory means.
I'll get you started shall I by answering the question myself
My answer: Some of them, and no
Values: a question.
Do I share your values and if I don't should I?
This is one of those deep and meaningful questions that really should get the juices flowing. Understanding your answer really will help you communicate better, especially with those few that seem utterly puzzling to communicate with.
Consider answering the question your homework.
You are not allowed to post any comments on this blog without first satisfactorily answering that question to yourself. You will know what satisfactory means.
I'll get you started shall I by answering the question myself
My answer: Some of them, and no
Monday, March 05, 2007
My, your balls are looking...
BLUE!
(Apropos of nothing at all, I'm sure!)
PS That fellah Neruda, Pablo Neruda, musta had big blue balls too! As he wrote this once: Love is short, forgetting is so long
(Apropos of nothing at all, I'm sure!)
PS That fellah Neruda, Pablo Neruda, musta had big blue balls too! As he wrote this once: Love is short, forgetting is so long
Sunday, March 04, 2007
You Said What?
Little bird, you said what?
To who?
Oh my god, oh my god, "Please not Flanders, please not Flanders, please not Flanders"
Let's hope she thinks it's just one big joke. Let's hope she doesn't notice. Let's just hope she replies to A N Other instead!
Oh my god, oh my god, "Please not Flanders, please not Flanders, please not Flanders"
To who?
Oh my god, oh my god, "Please not Flanders, please not Flanders, please not Flanders"
Let's hope she thinks it's just one big joke. Let's hope she doesn't notice. Let's just hope she replies to A N Other instead!
Oh my god, oh my god, "Please not Flanders, please not Flanders, please not Flanders"
Groundhog (rainy) days
Message to MySpace Agent
Hi
Ever seen Groundhog Day? Great movie starring that guy with the hangdog face - Bill Murray. Anyway, he keeps on reliving the same day, over and over again. He gets bored, as you might imagine and he even actually tries to kill himself in more and more bizarre ways. This all fascinated me, especially as it didn't matter what he did that day, he would always wake up at the beginning of the very same day, and have to have the very same conversations with the very same people (he even had to watch the street beggar die, but that's another story).
Anyway, the reason I'm writing is that whatever he did (or wrote!) it did not change anything. There were no consequences to his actions, because whatever he did elicited the same response, or the same turn of events.
So, beam back to MySpace.
Imagine, if you will, someone sending someone else (let's use the initials A.B. to protect the guilty) MySpace messages. Witty, friendly, hostile, pained and, if I'm being honest, tediously long messages, not too dissimilar to this post in actual fact.
Imagine (if you can!) that A.B. never responds to these messages. Never. Would that mean that this someone would stop sending the messages eventually, irritated by the non-responsiveness. Or, would it mean, buoyed by the absence of feedback (negative or positive) this someone would just carry on sending. Click, send. Click, send. Click, send. Would this someone get more and more bold in what they feel able to say?
It's an interesting one, for sure. Only for those with nothing better to do on a Sunday I agree, for sure.
Take it from me, A.B., that a little birdy told me that silence has no power anymore. It's normal. It does not disarm or disable or demean. In fact it empowers and vindicates. Utterly so. Amazingly so. The little bird would chirp. The boy cried wolf too often, birdy would say. The little boy just cried too often.
No, what worked and what continues to work are short left-field replies that cut to the nub of the matter with brutal incision. For example, one such reply might involve the admittedly somewhat puzzling expression, ego vertigo. Puzzling to little birdy, anyway.
"Anyway, it's a rainy day (days I most enjoy)," this someone might say, "and I thought I'd share this thought with you. Yes, I admit it, I was thinking about you. It's Sunday, after all".
People are funny, aren't they. As are little birdies and little boys.
Why can't they all just get along?
Hi
Ever seen Groundhog Day? Great movie starring that guy with the hangdog face - Bill Murray. Anyway, he keeps on reliving the same day, over and over again. He gets bored, as you might imagine and he even actually tries to kill himself in more and more bizarre ways. This all fascinated me, especially as it didn't matter what he did that day, he would always wake up at the beginning of the very same day, and have to have the very same conversations with the very same people (he even had to watch the street beggar die, but that's another story).
Anyway, the reason I'm writing is that whatever he did (or wrote!) it did not change anything. There were no consequences to his actions, because whatever he did elicited the same response, or the same turn of events.
So, beam back to MySpace.
Imagine, if you will, someone sending someone else (let's use the initials A.B. to protect the guilty) MySpace messages. Witty, friendly, hostile, pained and, if I'm being honest, tediously long messages, not too dissimilar to this post in actual fact.
Imagine (if you can!) that A.B. never responds to these messages. Never. Would that mean that this someone would stop sending the messages eventually, irritated by the non-responsiveness. Or, would it mean, buoyed by the absence of feedback (negative or positive) this someone would just carry on sending. Click, send. Click, send. Click, send. Would this someone get more and more bold in what they feel able to say?
It's an interesting one, for sure. Only for those with nothing better to do on a Sunday I agree, for sure.
Take it from me, A.B., that a little birdy told me that silence has no power anymore. It's normal. It does not disarm or disable or demean. In fact it empowers and vindicates. Utterly so. Amazingly so. The little bird would chirp. The boy cried wolf too often, birdy would say. The little boy just cried too often.
No, what worked and what continues to work are short left-field replies that cut to the nub of the matter with brutal incision. For example, one such reply might involve the admittedly somewhat puzzling expression, ego vertigo. Puzzling to little birdy, anyway.
"Anyway, it's a rainy day (days I most enjoy)," this someone might say, "and I thought I'd share this thought with you. Yes, I admit it, I was thinking about you. It's Sunday, after all".
People are funny, aren't they. As are little birdies and little boys.
Why can't they all just get along?
Thursday, March 01, 2007
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