Is the Muse sick in our 'mess' age?
Hey, I couldn't possibly comment now could I. (Heheh!)
Well at least it lets me include this kick-ass piece of music from the P E. Oh, it does mean I have to include a piece of love-sak musak afterwards though. But who be it for? Ooh, I dunno. Well, I do, but I ain't tellin!(*) If you can get me a date with Hope S. then maybe we can talk some more. Otherwise... See ya!
Public Enemy video follows...
Sloppy-ass Muzak from Mazzy S. follows...
(*) Hey, I'd love to tell you the second video is for, I really would. But He made me promise NOT to, lest that person visit the website and it spoils His chances, see. And who He? Well, He be Him!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Feeling Unloved...
Do you see how long it's been since I got to speak on this blog? Bloody April 17th (when He still had a girlfriend ha ha!). But His other blog - How to write a novel - oh, that's being updated all the time lah-de-bloody-dah! (Who wants to learn how to write a novel by a bloody No-mark who's never gonna get a book published in a million years? And this despite my best efforts. No bugger, that's who.)
Anyhoo, I'm only actually here because of His stoopid book.
It seems that he's not come up with a brief synopsis of The World According to Boring John and I'm meant to talk about it right here. Say how crap it is, I guess. Well, you know what, I can't be bothered. I'm just going to list it for you, and your delectation, and provide you with the links to his (more beloved) other blog and then go back to sleep.
You know what, I used to be a contender, and now I'm nothing more than a facsimile thereof.
Why I oughta... Etc.
Synopsis
The World According to Boring John is a book about the two most important characters in a novel – the main character (BORING JOHN), and the writer (DA OTHER GUY) – and their slowly-worsening relationship as they both struggle with the demons of the blank page. Da Other Guy believes that writing something is better than writing nothing – indeed, that’s the premise of the book – whilst Boring John is not so sure: actually, he’d much rather be in a James Bond novel, or to be able to write his own book. Frustrated, Boring John starts to rewrite his ‘life, the universe, and everything’ lines and moan about Da Other Guy instead (as well as writers in general, and readers, and even Jeremy Clarkson…).
Things come to a head when Boring John discovers Da Other Guy pretending to be him.
It is approximately 80,000 words long and was completed in January, 2008. The genre is (loosely) Lad-Lit.
25-Word description
Monologue on 'life, the universe, everything' by a character who'd much rather be in a James Bond novel. So he starts changing his lines...
Strapline
Lad-lit without the bombs and boobs(*)
Links for more
http://write1stnovel.blogspot.com/
* A-bloody-las! :-(
Anyhoo, I'm only actually here because of His stoopid book.
It seems that he's not come up with a brief synopsis of The World According to Boring John and I'm meant to talk about it right here. Say how crap it is, I guess. Well, you know what, I can't be bothered. I'm just going to list it for you, and your delectation, and provide you with the links to his (more beloved) other blog and then go back to sleep.
You know what, I used to be a contender, and now I'm nothing more than a facsimile thereof.
Why I oughta... Etc.
Synopsis
The World According to Boring John is a book about the two most important characters in a novel – the main character (BORING JOHN), and the writer (DA OTHER GUY) – and their slowly-worsening relationship as they both struggle with the demons of the blank page. Da Other Guy believes that writing something is better than writing nothing – indeed, that’s the premise of the book – whilst Boring John is not so sure: actually, he’d much rather be in a James Bond novel, or to be able to write his own book. Frustrated, Boring John starts to rewrite his ‘life, the universe, and everything’ lines and moan about Da Other Guy instead (as well as writers in general, and readers, and even Jeremy Clarkson…).
Things come to a head when Boring John discovers Da Other Guy pretending to be him.
It is approximately 80,000 words long and was completed in January, 2008. The genre is (loosely) Lad-Lit.
25-Word description
Monologue on 'life, the universe, everything' by a character who'd much rather be in a James Bond novel. So he starts changing his lines...
Strapline
Lad-lit without the bombs and boobs(*)
Links for more
http://write1stnovel.blogspot.com/
* A-bloody-las! :-(
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Book Cover Blurb
Well it seems the book is almost ready to be unleashed onto an unsuspecting publishing world. A publisher has been selected; the book synopsis has been written; and many, many words have been rejected in the process.
Apparently, summarising a book like The World According to Boring John has not been easy! Tch, what a lamo He is! Lol
Anyway, I thought I'd include some of those rejected words here, give you a taste if you like of what the book is all about. And I'm happy with the words, because they're my words - natch!
Here goes...
Book Cover Blurb
Ever wondered what the voice inside your head would sound like, as a character, in a novel, that starred you as the writer? No, neither have I - so that makes at least two of us then...
Dear Prospective Reader, I have been given a few paragraphs to explain, for my undoubted sins, just what The World According to Boring John is all about. Well, this unenviable task will be made a lot easier if I begin by telling you what this book is NOT about, I think. So let me do that.
Okay, Boring John is NOT a Harry Potter, a James Bond or even a Bridget Jones novel, and it has not been written by one of those ex-SAS types high on adrenalin and action-adventure. Mystery, romance, and horror do not do their dance here. As to techno-thrillers - que'st-ce que c'est?
The World According to Boring John is simply a moaning monologue about life, the universe and everything - with extras, but without Jeremy Clarkson.
"This is a novel Jim, but not as we know it!"
Boring John is a book about writing, and how to write; about reading, and how to read; about living, and how to live.Yes, it's got the lot! Except there is very little dialogue; the prose rarely dazzles; and the whole story - what little there is of it! - starts and ends with the very same line.
It's a book about two characters, really; two characters who don't get along too well. It's about getting started; and it's about finishing what you start. (I'd say more, but I don't want to give the whole game away.) It could well be the most 'interesting' book that you will read this year, or the biggest waste of your time - it's hard to say.
So who exactly do I think will want to read it? Well, I'm buggered if I know, actually - someone that is still reading this, I guess.
Apparently, summarising a book like The World According to Boring John has not been easy! Tch, what a lamo He is! Lol
Anyway, I thought I'd include some of those rejected words here, give you a taste if you like of what the book is all about. And I'm happy with the words, because they're my words - natch!
Here goes...
Book Cover Blurb
Ever wondered what the voice inside your head would sound like, as a character, in a novel, that starred you as the writer? No, neither have I - so that makes at least two of us then...
Dear Prospective Reader, I have been given a few paragraphs to explain, for my undoubted sins, just what The World According to Boring John is all about. Well, this unenviable task will be made a lot easier if I begin by telling you what this book is NOT about, I think. So let me do that.
Okay, Boring John is NOT a Harry Potter, a James Bond or even a Bridget Jones novel, and it has not been written by one of those ex-SAS types high on adrenalin and action-adventure. Mystery, romance, and horror do not do their dance here. As to techno-thrillers - que'st-ce que c'est?
The World According to Boring John is simply a moaning monologue about life, the universe and everything - with extras, but without Jeremy Clarkson.
"This is a novel Jim, but not as we know it!"
Boring John is a book about writing, and how to write; about reading, and how to read; about living, and how to live.Yes, it's got the lot! Except there is very little dialogue; the prose rarely dazzles; and the whole story - what little there is of it! - starts and ends with the very same line.
It's a book about two characters, really; two characters who don't get along too well. It's about getting started; and it's about finishing what you start. (I'd say more, but I don't want to give the whole game away.) It could well be the most 'interesting' book that you will read this year, or the biggest waste of your time - it's hard to say.
So who exactly do I think will want to read it? Well, I'm buggered if I know, actually - someone that is still reading this, I guess.
Friday, February 22, 2008
About Boring John
This is the definitive page about me, Boring John
And it follows shortly.
In the meantime, I guess you could read the rest of the about me blurb.
I guess.
And it follows shortly.
In the meantime, I guess you could read the rest of the about me blurb.
I guess.
"My 10 Favourite Simpsons Episodes"
Sigh. He's at it again. I mean who the bloody hell is interested in which of the hundreds of Simpsons episodes is your favourite? Well Him, of course, and these people (can you digg it?), and even Google (have they got nothing better to do with their billions than to list pages and pages of websites all professing to have ten best Simpson episodes? Tch).
Anyway, I'm just moaning. Well, it is Friday, after all...
Boring John
PS Out of His list below I'd have to vote for Homer's Enemy (Season 8, 1997) - I know just how Grimey feels, especially when it comes to thinking about Him.
Over to Him...
"My ten 'best' Simpsons episodes (with reasons why)"
"Thank you kindly Boring John. Well, and assuming you are familiar enough with The Simpsons that you can fill in the gaps, and in no particular order...
"1. The one called Lisa's Substitute
"Sigh. This features The Jewish cowboy cum substitute teacher played by Dustin Hoffman and the famous Lisa rant aimed at Homer: 'You sir, are a baboon! A BABOON!' and the note at the end of things from Mr. Bergstrom (Lisa's Substitute) to a crestfallen Lisa as she waves goodbye to him forever (it simply says: 'You are Lisa Simpson').
"Oh, oh! This episode also featured Bart Simpson's attempt to become class president challenging the soon-to-be utterly phased-by-it-all Martin Prince (except Bart forgets to vote).
"Oh and then there's the moment where Homer - the usually inept parent - gets 3 from 3 by helping Bart get over his problem (losing to Martin), Lisa's problem (Homer comforts Lisa with his love and makes her laugh) and Maggie's problem (her dummy - pacifier (eek!) - falls out). When Marge asks how things are with Lisa he simply replies, "Marge, let's go to bed. I'm on the best run of my life" (Or something like that.)
"2. The one when Millhouse plays Fallout Boy
"This episode is included as it includes some of the best lines/dialogues in The Simpsons ever (in my humble opinion) including: "My eyes! The goggles do nothing!" and this exchange between McBain (who plays RadioActive Man) struggling with his lines:
"'Up and atom' (Director)
'Up and at them' (McBain)
'Up and atom!' (Director)
'Up and at them!' (McBain)
etc.
"Hilarious.
"3. The one where Marge gets Itchy and Scratchy banned
"Aside: thankfully I watched enough early Simpsons episodes so that I was unaffected by the plethora of later (poorer) episodes called The One Where They Start To Be Generic Rubbish And No Better Than A Good Episode of Bloody Friends!)
"This is a fabulous for the sequence in the middle of the episode where all the kids - forced to switch off TV as there are no more Itchy and Scratcy shows - have to go out and, shock horror, play! A minute or so of 'childhood bliss' follows with Beethoven's Pastoral playing in the background. We segue from skateboarding to kite flying to skipping to... It's TV perfection!
"(Oh I couldn't resist...)
"4. The one where 'nothings happens' in Springfield
This features 22 stories that intertwine. It also has great lines aping Pulp Fiction about the little differences between a Krusty Burger and a McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
"This is one where the sum of its parts is greater than the whole. :-)
"5. The one where Homer travels in time using a toaster
"This is one of those dreaded Halloween episodes but this one's a good un. Basically, Homer gets to travel back in time using a toaster (of all things - reminds me of Red Dwarf's hilarious talking toaster, actually). And when he travels back in time he starts to alter his environment with disastrous consequences when he returns from his time travels. So then he starts to try not to alter his environment, but is unable to.
"I think it loses something in translation actually. Lol.
"Or maybe it's because I am a bit of a time travel geek! :o (Hence the Red Dwarf devotion.)
"6. . The one where Bart raises two lizards
"This episode has some great slapstick and a classic interchange between Bart and Marge. Basically, Bart ends up raising some birds eggs (the birds turn out to be lizards). He rigs up electricity to shine light onto the eggs to help them rear. Unfortunately (for Homer) he borrows the lights from the cellar so that everytime Homer goes down into the cellar, he falls down the stairs as there are no lights. He keeps doing this. And it keeps on being hilarious (the off camera screeches of Homer tumbling down the stairs - eye-wateringly funny and slapstick heaven)
"And there's the line from Bart about the lizards (he's trying to protect) to his Mum, Marge
"Bart - 'Everyone thinks they're monsters, but I raised them, and I love them! I know that's hard to understand.'
Marge - 'Mmm...... Not as hard as you think.'
"7. The one where Homer (nearly) skateboards across the canyon"
This is great for this sequence alone: Homer slowly slides down the side of the hill, whilst talking (on Bart's skateboard), and heads towards the canyon (Springfield Gorge) - he was trying to stop Bart doing the same and threatened to do it instead until Bart backed down and said he'd give up his daredevil ways. Anyway, he ends up taking the canyon jump on and, for a few heroic moments actually believes he's going to get across and he says (something like)
" - ' I'm going to make it . This is going to be the greatest moment of my life!'
"But then he crashes into the side of gorge and proceeds to grunt and groan like only Homer can as he falls to the bottom. Simple. But brilliant. More slapstick heaven.
"8. . The two where they spoof 'Who Shot JR?'
Classic.
"9. The one where Homer is exposed as a 'slacker' by Grimey
Homer gets a co-worker called Mr Grimes. It's not long before Mr Grimes realises that Homer is a lazy good-for-nothing but what really riles him is the fact that no-one else can see Homer for what he is.
This is a dark episode for sure as Grimey cops it in the end trying out some of Homer's comedy slapstick that never seems to affect Homer (but Mr Grimes gets electrocuted, alas).
Homer's final insult is referring to Mr Grimes (who he admired throughout) as ol' Grimey at Grime's funeral. Hard one to watch, actually as it's a bit near the knuckle (for an animated cartoon lol).
"10. The one where Homer corrupts Ned Flanders and they head off to Vegas
Homer thinks that Ned hasn't lived. (And, strangely, Ned agrees.) And so he persuades Ned to go to Vegas with him where they promptly get married to two strangers whilst drunk.
There's a daft (but funny) almost Benny Hill-esque sequence where Homer and Ned run around the casino away from their pursuers to the tune of Viva Las Vegas.
Anyway, they get booted out of town - reprobates not welcome, apparently. And, as they dust themselves down on the edge of the state border they're spotted by two bald eagles (or something like that). The birds look to themselves knowingly and then fly into the air. The credits roll and you hear Homer say 'Ah, nice birdies' then he shrieks like a girl as the birds proceed to attack him.
More 'off camera' slapstick magic.
END
-----
"Note to Simpsons geeks here: if I have misquoted somewhere above or there's a line out of place or... Well if there's anything that you don't agree with here... Well, erm, you can [insert suitable Simpsons-geeek (eek!) putdown here (as voiced by Comic Book Guy)]!
"Yes, Boring John insisted I add this note here, and used that tone of voice. Well it is his blog, after all!
"This is all off the top of my head (more or less) and I've tried to do as little 'research' as possible. Maybe you don't agree with my top 10? In that case leave me comment why don't ya!!
"Oh and here's a big list of Simpsons' episodes
"PS Yes, this is (probably) the funniest Simpsons' dialogue ever but the episode don't win an award here :-( "
Anyway, I'm just moaning. Well, it is Friday, after all...
Boring John
PS Out of His list below I'd have to vote for Homer's Enemy (Season 8, 1997) - I know just how Grimey feels, especially when it comes to thinking about Him.
Over to Him...
"My ten 'best' Simpsons episodes (with reasons why)"
"Thank you kindly Boring John. Well, and assuming you are familiar enough with The Simpsons that you can fill in the gaps, and in no particular order...
"1. The one called Lisa's Substitute
"Sigh. This features The Jewish cowboy cum substitute teacher played by Dustin Hoffman and the famous Lisa rant aimed at Homer: 'You sir, are a baboon! A BABOON!' and the note at the end of things from Mr. Bergstrom (Lisa's Substitute) to a crestfallen Lisa as she waves goodbye to him forever (it simply says: 'You are Lisa Simpson').
"Oh, oh! This episode also featured Bart Simpson's attempt to become class president challenging the soon-to-be utterly phased-by-it-all Martin Prince (except Bart forgets to vote).
"Oh and then there's the moment where Homer - the usually inept parent - gets 3 from 3 by helping Bart get over his problem (losing to Martin), Lisa's problem (Homer comforts Lisa with his love and makes her laugh) and Maggie's problem (her dummy - pacifier (eek!) - falls out). When Marge asks how things are with Lisa he simply replies, "Marge, let's go to bed. I'm on the best run of my life" (Or something like that.)
"2. The one when Millhouse plays Fallout Boy
"This episode is included as it includes some of the best lines/dialogues in The Simpsons ever (in my humble opinion) including: "My eyes! The goggles do nothing!" and this exchange between McBain (who plays RadioActive Man) struggling with his lines:
"'Up and atom' (Director)
'Up and at them' (McBain)
'Up and atom!' (Director)
'Up and at them!' (McBain)
etc.
"Hilarious.
"3. The one where Marge gets Itchy and Scratchy banned
"Aside: thankfully I watched enough early Simpsons episodes so that I was unaffected by the plethora of later (poorer) episodes called The One Where They Start To Be Generic Rubbish And No Better Than A Good Episode of Bloody Friends!)
"This is a fabulous for the sequence in the middle of the episode where all the kids - forced to switch off TV as there are no more Itchy and Scratcy shows - have to go out and, shock horror, play! A minute or so of 'childhood bliss' follows with Beethoven's Pastoral playing in the background. We segue from skateboarding to kite flying to skipping to... It's TV perfection!
"(Oh I couldn't resist...)
"4. The one where 'nothings happens' in Springfield
This features 22 stories that intertwine. It also has great lines aping Pulp Fiction about the little differences between a Krusty Burger and a McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
"This is one where the sum of its parts is greater than the whole. :-)
"5. The one where Homer travels in time using a toaster
"This is one of those dreaded Halloween episodes but this one's a good un. Basically, Homer gets to travel back in time using a toaster (of all things - reminds me of Red Dwarf's hilarious talking toaster, actually). And when he travels back in time he starts to alter his environment with disastrous consequences when he returns from his time travels. So then he starts to try not to alter his environment, but is unable to.
"I think it loses something in translation actually. Lol.
"Or maybe it's because I am a bit of a time travel geek! :o (Hence the Red Dwarf devotion.)
"6. . The one where Bart raises two lizards
"This episode has some great slapstick and a classic interchange between Bart and Marge. Basically, Bart ends up raising some birds eggs (the birds turn out to be lizards). He rigs up electricity to shine light onto the eggs to help them rear. Unfortunately (for Homer) he borrows the lights from the cellar so that everytime Homer goes down into the cellar, he falls down the stairs as there are no lights. He keeps doing this. And it keeps on being hilarious (the off camera screeches of Homer tumbling down the stairs - eye-wateringly funny and slapstick heaven)
"And there's the line from Bart about the lizards (he's trying to protect) to his Mum, Marge
"Bart - 'Everyone thinks they're monsters, but I raised them, and I love them! I know that's hard to understand.'
Marge - 'Mmm...... Not as hard as you think.'
"7. The one where Homer (nearly) skateboards across the canyon"
This is great for this sequence alone: Homer slowly slides down the side of the hill, whilst talking (on Bart's skateboard), and heads towards the canyon (Springfield Gorge) - he was trying to stop Bart doing the same and threatened to do it instead until Bart backed down and said he'd give up his daredevil ways. Anyway, he ends up taking the canyon jump on and, for a few heroic moments actually believes he's going to get across and he says (something like)
" - ' I'm going to make it . This is going to be the greatest moment of my life!'
"But then he crashes into the side of gorge and proceeds to grunt and groan like only Homer can as he falls to the bottom. Simple. But brilliant. More slapstick heaven.
"8. . The two where they spoof 'Who Shot JR?'
Classic.
"9. The one where Homer is exposed as a 'slacker' by Grimey
Homer gets a co-worker called Mr Grimes. It's not long before Mr Grimes realises that Homer is a lazy good-for-nothing but what really riles him is the fact that no-one else can see Homer for what he is.
This is a dark episode for sure as Grimey cops it in the end trying out some of Homer's comedy slapstick that never seems to affect Homer (but Mr Grimes gets electrocuted, alas).
Homer's final insult is referring to Mr Grimes (who he admired throughout) as ol' Grimey at Grime's funeral. Hard one to watch, actually as it's a bit near the knuckle (for an animated cartoon lol).
"10. The one where Homer corrupts Ned Flanders and they head off to Vegas
Homer thinks that Ned hasn't lived. (And, strangely, Ned agrees.) And so he persuades Ned to go to Vegas with him where they promptly get married to two strangers whilst drunk.
There's a daft (but funny) almost Benny Hill-esque sequence where Homer and Ned run around the casino away from their pursuers to the tune of Viva Las Vegas.
Anyway, they get booted out of town - reprobates not welcome, apparently. And, as they dust themselves down on the edge of the state border they're spotted by two bald eagles (or something like that). The birds look to themselves knowingly and then fly into the air. The credits roll and you hear Homer say 'Ah, nice birdies' then he shrieks like a girl as the birds proceed to attack him.
More 'off camera' slapstick magic.
END
-----
"Note to Simpsons geeks here: if I have misquoted somewhere above or there's a line out of place or... Well if there's anything that you don't agree with here... Well, erm, you can [insert suitable Simpsons-geeek (eek!) putdown here (as voiced by Comic Book Guy)]!
"Yes, Boring John insisted I add this note here, and used that tone of voice. Well it is his blog, after all!
"This is all off the top of my head (more or less) and I've tried to do as little 'research' as possible. Maybe you don't agree with my top 10? In that case leave me comment why don't ya!!
"Oh and here's a big list of Simpsons' episodes
"PS Yes, this is (probably) the funniest Simpsons' dialogue ever but the episode don't win an award here :-( "
Monday, January 14, 2008
Boring John EXTRAS
"Extra, extra, read all about it!"
Can you believe it? Finally, after nearly twelve months of hard graft - by God I worked hard on this project, I can tell you! - I have something to show for it. No, The World According to Boring John is not available as paperback (it's not even being published at a future date, yet), but...
The World According to Boring John "EXTRAS" is available for dowload. Free download too.
Yep, all you have to do is follow the simple download instructions, below. Then you can read the Boring John EXTRAS (a kind of 'DVD Extras' but for a book, that gives you a sample of The Real Thing(#) - how novel - containing 'deleted scenes', a full collection of poems, 'alternative versions' of prose, and even new material), and leave me some feedback. Simple.
So come on, get on with it! Get downloading (right-click mouse, and Save As 'Boring John EXTRAS')
Oh! And I do want some bloody feedback! You bet I do. One year of work and you don't even care to comment? Hey, getouttahere! Send me an email, huh, when you've done! (And you should be able to read nearly all of the "EXTRAS" (in PDF ebook format) quite quickly. I'd skip the Diary of a Nobody chapter, though - well, it was the only bit I didn't write after all! Heheh.)
Note: your feedback might make it into the EXTRAS book. So make it witty, eh!
My email address is boringjohn_at_gmaildotcom(*). Do get in touch, and send me your feedback, positive or negative. I can take it - I'm a big boy, now!
Download Instructions for Boring John "EXTRAS":
Boring John "EXTRAS" - Right-click here!
Instructions:
Don't forget: download, read, send feedback. (In that order, preferably. Go on!)
* That's an anti-spam email address in case you didn't realise it. I don't want some rich American (or Russian) jerk (or jerkov) trying to sell me Hoodia products (huh!) or Viagra tablets (pah, as if I'd need such artificial stimulations - lol) by spamming me to death, morning, noon and night. Oh yes, I know all the tricks of the trade when it comes to not getting spam. How so? I read this bloody article several times, that's how.
# This blog is called The World According to Boring John. But there's a novel of the same name in the making too --ooh! - all about me and my world (some of the blog posts appear too). That's what I'm talking about when I say The Real Thing. Ya follow?
Can you believe it? Finally, after nearly twelve months of hard graft - by God I worked hard on this project, I can tell you! - I have something to show for it. No, The World According to Boring John is not available as paperback (it's not even being published at a future date, yet), but...
The World According to Boring John "EXTRAS" is available for dowload. Free download too.
Yep, all you have to do is follow the simple download instructions, below. Then you can read the Boring John EXTRAS (a kind of 'DVD Extras' but for a book, that gives you a sample of The Real Thing(#) - how novel - containing 'deleted scenes', a full collection of poems, 'alternative versions' of prose, and even new material), and leave me some feedback. Simple.
So come on, get on with it! Get downloading (right-click mouse, and Save As 'Boring John EXTRAS')
Oh! And I do want some bloody feedback! You bet I do. One year of work and you don't even care to comment? Hey, getouttahere! Send me an email, huh, when you've done! (And you should be able to read nearly all of the "EXTRAS" (in PDF ebook format) quite quickly. I'd skip the Diary of a Nobody chapter, though - well, it was the only bit I didn't write after all! Heheh.)
Note: your feedback might make it into the EXTRAS book. So make it witty, eh!
My email address is boringjohn_at_gmaildotcom(*). Do get in touch, and send me your feedback, positive or negative. I can take it - I'm a big boy, now!
Download Instructions for Boring John "EXTRAS":
Boring John "EXTRAS" - Right-click here!
Instructions:
- Simply right-click the image and Save As (suggested filename: 'Boring John EXTRAS').
- Oh, and make sure you know where you're saving as, eh! Don't save the PDF in any ol' folder, and definitely not in any folder with dodgy images (if you know what I mean) - I've got standards to maintain, y'know. I suggest saving to the desktop. Nice and easy for you to not forget to open and read me, eh!
Don't forget: download, read, send feedback. (In that order, preferably. Go on!)
* That's an anti-spam email address in case you didn't realise it. I don't want some rich American (or Russian) jerk (or jerkov) trying to sell me Hoodia products (huh!) or Viagra tablets (pah, as if I'd need such artificial stimulations - lol) by spamming me to death, morning, noon and night. Oh yes, I know all the tricks of the trade when it comes to not getting spam. How so? I read this bloody article several times, that's how.
# This blog is called The World According to Boring John. But there's a novel of the same name in the making too --ooh! - all about me and my world (some of the blog posts appear too). That's what I'm talking about when I say The Real Thing. Ya follow?
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Solving Your Problems - Why Random Answers Don't Work
We all have problems in life, some more difficult to solve than others. (Tell me about it!) But it NEVER helps when people, 'friends', claim that a solution is close at hand, though; that solving your problem is as easy as picking some random words of wisdom.
Yes, I'm about to debunk the myth of solving problems by choosing random answers, and I'm about to do it using examples of real people's problems and revealing the daft answers they received.
Bring it on!
"Simply hold a problem in your mind, and type it into the problem box below. Then click on the Red Pill and there will be your answer (chosen at random)"
That's what it says at website EgoFatigo.com . And d'you know what I say in return, "Yeah, right. What a load of new age tosh!"
It's obvious that each problem must be viewed on its own, and analysed so as to determine the best way to solve it. That means there's no way an answer plucked at random from the electrons buzzing around the interweb can help you. In my not so humble opinion, anyway.
There are no broad brush answers to life's problems. Absolutely not.
Sometime's it is not my fault; sometimes the solution to all our problems does not lie within; sometimes the person with the problem is the other guy (and the next time he shows his face, I'll smack 'im, I really will!).
Don't believe me? Well, you're probably the sort of person that doesn't believe hard evidence when they see it, but I'll show you it to you anyway. Y'see, I went to one of these so-called problem-solving websites, EgoFatigo.com, and I took a look at the problems being solved (and the random answers it gave). And I've reprinted some of those examples below - with permission of course.
Note: these examples are real (including the bad grammar) and they were (more or less) chosen at random, too.
So let's take a look at the results, shall we.
1. "My problem is that I can't think of a problem!"
Random answer:
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks ofchanging himself." - Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
2. "There are 3 woman. A blonde. a brunette. and a red head. Which do i choose and why is that a good decision? P.S.which one will get me some."
"To see your drama clearly is to be liberated from it." - Ken Keyes, Jr
3. "This website is to complicated with the weird answers that don't make any sense?"
Random answer:
"The person without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder." - Thomas Carlyle
4. "Now I have decided to grow up, get a mortgage and have a baby, I don't have anyone to have a baby or settle down with. Do I pick a nice boy with no personality that pays the bills before it's too late? Or do I hold out for a super dude that may not exist eh?"
Random answer:
"One person caring about another represents life's greatest value." - Jim Rohn
5. "Right - so now you're telling me to hold out for someone and persist instead of settling for less right? Isn't that directly opposite to you just telling me caring about someone and having someone to care about me being what mattered in life? When do I get my million pounds and where's my t shirt?"
Random answer:
"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go." - William Feather
6. "People sometimes forget that I am human so why shouldn't I feel sorry for myself if no one else will."
Random answer:
"Criticism is something we can avoid easily -- by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." - Aristotle
7. "There isn't a 'solve another problem' option so I have to go back twice - what can I do?"
Random answer:
"Criticism is something we can avoid easily -- by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." - Aristotle
8. "When I did the second one about there not being a 'solve another problem' button - it gave me the same answer - is this because I went back twice?"
Random answer:
"He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise." - Lao-Tzu
9. "I need to move a sofa and I cant get a man with a van and all the places are shut!"
Random answer:
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." - Jonathan Kozol
10. "I'm clinically obese, what should I do?"
Random answer:
"Expect your every need to be met, expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level, expect to grow spiritually." - Eileen Caddy
11. "Why cant I hold a job for longer then three months?"
Random answer:
"Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress." - Ghandi
--
Ahem, ahem, ahem! Need I comment further? Really?
Here we saw duplicate answers; the clinically obese encouraged to eat what they want; answers to problems that aren't even problems, etc. This kind of problem-solving sometimes antagonises more than soothes, it really does. Just read this, for example, from one such frustrated person with a 'problem':
12. "My problem is [EgoFatigo.com], it sucks and i think it will probably make me go braindead from boredom and the whole stupidity of it"
Random answer:
"You should always be aware that your head creates your world." - Ken Keyes
--
Clearly, the above is mumbo-jumbo nonsense.
Even the answers aren't random, but generalisations (wisdom) that could at a pinch apply to most situations.
Wow, that's clever. Not!
Homer Simpson had it about right when he said, "Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"
Amen.
If you think this is a load of cynical believe-nothing nonsense then why don't you read part 1 of this article called, Solving Your Problems - Why Random Answers Work? (You'll find it in The World According to Boring John EXTRAS ebook - coming soon to a blog near you!)
Otherwise there really is nothing to see here and you and I should both move on. Problems? What problems!...
Yes, I'm about to debunk the myth of solving problems by choosing random answers, and I'm about to do it using examples of real people's problems and revealing the daft answers they received.
Bring it on!
"Simply hold a problem in your mind, and type it into the problem box below. Then click on the Red Pill and there will be your answer (chosen at random)"
That's what it says at website EgoFatigo.com . And d'you know what I say in return, "Yeah, right. What a load of new age tosh!"
It's obvious that each problem must be viewed on its own, and analysed so as to determine the best way to solve it. That means there's no way an answer plucked at random from the electrons buzzing around the interweb can help you. In my not so humble opinion, anyway.
There are no broad brush answers to life's problems. Absolutely not.
Sometime's it is not my fault; sometimes the solution to all our problems does not lie within; sometimes the person with the problem is the other guy (and the next time he shows his face, I'll smack 'im, I really will!).
Don't believe me? Well, you're probably the sort of person that doesn't believe hard evidence when they see it, but I'll show you it to you anyway. Y'see, I went to one of these so-called problem-solving websites, EgoFatigo.com, and I took a look at the problems being solved (and the random answers it gave). And I've reprinted some of those examples below - with permission of course.
Note: these examples are real (including the bad grammar) and they were (more or less) chosen at random, too.
So let's take a look at the results, shall we.
1. "My problem is that I can't think of a problem!"
Random answer:
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks ofchanging himself." - Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
2. "There are 3 woman. A blonde. a brunette. and a red head. Which do i choose and why is that a good decision? P.S.which one will get me some."
"To see your drama clearly is to be liberated from it." - Ken Keyes, Jr
3. "This website is to complicated with the weird answers that don't make any sense?"
Random answer:
"The person without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder." - Thomas Carlyle
4. "Now I have decided to grow up, get a mortgage and have a baby, I don't have anyone to have a baby or settle down with. Do I pick a nice boy with no personality that pays the bills before it's too late? Or do I hold out for a super dude that may not exist eh?"
Random answer:
"One person caring about another represents life's greatest value." - Jim Rohn
5. "Right - so now you're telling me to hold out for someone and persist instead of settling for less right? Isn't that directly opposite to you just telling me caring about someone and having someone to care about me being what mattered in life? When do I get my million pounds and where's my t shirt?"
Random answer:
"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go." - William Feather
6. "People sometimes forget that I am human so why shouldn't I feel sorry for myself if no one else will."
Random answer:
"Criticism is something we can avoid easily -- by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." - Aristotle
7. "There isn't a 'solve another problem' option so I have to go back twice - what can I do?"
Random answer:
"Criticism is something we can avoid easily -- by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." - Aristotle
8. "When I did the second one about there not being a 'solve another problem' button - it gave me the same answer - is this because I went back twice?"
Random answer:
"He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise." - Lao-Tzu
9. "I need to move a sofa and I cant get a man with a van and all the places are shut!"
Random answer:
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." - Jonathan Kozol
10. "I'm clinically obese, what should I do?"
Random answer:
"Expect your every need to be met, expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level, expect to grow spiritually." - Eileen Caddy
11. "Why cant I hold a job for longer then three months?"
Random answer:
"Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress." - Ghandi
--
Ahem, ahem, ahem! Need I comment further? Really?
Here we saw duplicate answers; the clinically obese encouraged to eat what they want; answers to problems that aren't even problems, etc. This kind of problem-solving sometimes antagonises more than soothes, it really does. Just read this, for example, from one such frustrated person with a 'problem':
12. "My problem is [EgoFatigo.com], it sucks and i think it will probably make me go braindead from boredom and the whole stupidity of it"
Random answer:
"You should always be aware that your head creates your world." - Ken Keyes
--
Clearly, the above is mumbo-jumbo nonsense.
Even the answers aren't random, but generalisations (wisdom) that could at a pinch apply to most situations.
Wow, that's clever. Not!
Homer Simpson had it about right when he said, "Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"
Amen.
If you think this is a load of cynical believe-nothing nonsense then why don't you read part 1 of this article called, Solving Your Problems - Why Random Answers Work? (You'll find it in The World According to Boring John EXTRAS ebook - coming soon to a blog near you!)
Otherwise there really is nothing to see here and you and I should both move on. Problems? What problems!...
Monday, December 10, 2007
Here's a rhetorical question, for ya...
What happens if there are no rhetorical questions?
Aye. I know what you're thinking. Oh-my-God-Not-Another-Christmas-Cracker-Thought-For-The-Minute kinda thing. Okay, skip it, I hear ya! Here's a better rhetorical question:
Is having a relationship - y'know an 'intimate relationship of the sexual kind' type of relationship - worth having to deal with the game-players, the fearful and the commitment-phobes, the plain mixed-up types and all the other ensemble of losers who get in the way of a simple, yet fulfilling, good time?
Well, I ain't being rhetorical here, because the answer is NO!
So will all the losers who find their way to this particular hidey hole, please leave immediately - taking your bad vibe with you - so that the rest of us can just plain enjoy our lives.
Thank you. Kindly.
Aye. I know what you're thinking. Oh-my-God-Not-Another-Christmas-Cracker-Thought-For-The-Minute kinda thing. Okay, skip it, I hear ya! Here's a better rhetorical question:
Is having a relationship - y'know an 'intimate relationship of the sexual kind' type of relationship - worth having to deal with the game-players, the fearful and the commitment-phobes, the plain mixed-up types and all the other ensemble of losers who get in the way of a simple, yet fulfilling, good time?
Well, I ain't being rhetorical here, because the answer is NO!
So will all the losers who find their way to this particular hidey hole, please leave immediately - taking your bad vibe with you - so that the rest of us can just plain enjoy our lives.
Thank you. Kindly.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Yorkshire Airlines
By 'eck, I couldn'ta put it better meself.
Watch and learn you bloody non-Yorkshire peasants...
And, remember, "If it's not in Yorkshire, it's not worth bloody visiting!"
Watch and learn you bloody non-Yorkshire peasants...
And, remember, "If it's not in Yorkshire, it's not worth bloody visiting!"
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
ENOUGH!...
of all that bollox, Joe Strummer's got something to say.
Take it away, Joe...
"People can do anything."
Thanks, Joe. I think the people needed to hear that. And no, I'm not hearing voices from the grave (again) - it's just something Joe said in an excellent DVD documentary called The Future is Unwritten.
It certainly is, Joe. It certainly is.
Take it away, Joe...
"People can do anything."
Thanks, Joe. I think the people needed to hear that. And no, I'm not hearing voices from the grave (again) - it's just something Joe said in an excellent DVD documentary called The Future is Unwritten.
It certainly is, Joe. It certainly is.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
"How do you like them apples?"
Apologies, dear reader, for the lack of blog entries. But, hey, I can't be in two places at once now can I, and me and Him are still working hard on the book. (The book? Yeah, the one imaginatively titled The World According to Boring John.)
Anyways, as part of my research for today - my material really was poor, and I needed to pad it out a little - I came across some quotes from that top film, Good Will Hunting. So, I thought I'd share.
And if you want me to explain what's being said here, especially in bold, well you can, er, suck my mother-hubbard stick! (Sorry, the testosternone levels are high - book pressures, etc. It's gotta be finished by the end of the year, and we're only half way through the latest rewrite. I meant to say that I just don't have the time to explain - work it out for yourself. ;-) )
Okay, peeps, here come the quotes...
Skylar: What is your obsession with this money? My father died when I was 13 and I inherited this money. You don't think that every day I wake up and wish I could give it back? That I would give it back in a second if I could have one more day with him? But I can't, and that's my life and I deal with it. So don't put your shit on me when you're the one that's afraid.
Will: I'm afraid? What am I afraid of? What the fuck am I afraid of?
Skylar: You're afraid of me! You're afraid that I won't love you back! Fuck it, I wanna give it a shot! At least I'm honest with you.
(By the way, that Will was a lucky bugger indeed. I've always fancied Minnie Driver, despite the dodgy name! As for Skylar, I think she might be onto something there! Whaddya think?)
.
.
.
Anyways, as part of my research for today - my material really was poor, and I needed to pad it out a little - I came across some quotes from that top film, Good Will Hunting. So, I thought I'd share.
And if you want me to explain what's being said here, especially in bold, well you can, er, suck my mother-hubbard stick! (Sorry, the testosternone levels are high - book pressures, etc. It's gotta be finished by the end of the year, and we're only half way through the latest rewrite. I meant to say that I just don't have the time to explain - work it out for yourself. ;-) )
Okay, peeps, here come the quotes...
Skylar: What is your obsession with this money? My father died when I was 13 and I inherited this money. You don't think that every day I wake up and wish I could give it back? That I would give it back in a second if I could have one more day with him? But I can't, and that's my life and I deal with it. So don't put your shit on me when you're the one that's afraid.
Will: I'm afraid? What am I afraid of? What the fuck am I afraid of?
Skylar: You're afraid of me! You're afraid that I won't love you back! Fuck it, I wanna give it a shot! At least I'm honest with you.
(By the way, that Will was a lucky bugger indeed. I've always fancied Minnie Driver, despite the dodgy name! As for Skylar, I think she might be onto something there! Whaddya think?)
.
.
.
Friday, November 02, 2007
"Someone's trying to steal your charismatic identity John..."
Hmm!
"Someone's trying to steal your charismatic identity John..." Are they, indeed, Sir Alan? Well, to slightly mis-quote that bloke that used to be on Radio 2, Derek Jameson, do they mean me?
I guess they do.
Hmm, who'd have thunk it? Who'd have thunk that lil ol' Boring me would ever be accused of being a faker and imposter? Who'd think that I was anything but an original?
I guess Sir Alan would.
Anyways, just so's we're clear. No! No-one's trying to steal anyone's identity here.
I was here first, and even if I wasn't I've never even heard of this other other Boring John - until now, that is (intravenously, as ever).
Hmm, guess I'm just goin' to have to reconcile myself to there being more than one Boring John in this world. Hmm, indeed!
"Someone's trying to steal your charismatic identity John..." Are they, indeed, Sir Alan? Well, to slightly mis-quote that bloke that used to be on Radio 2, Derek Jameson, do they mean me?
I guess they do.
Hmm, who'd have thunk it? Who'd have thunk that lil ol' Boring me would ever be accused of being a faker and imposter? Who'd think that I was anything but an original?
I guess Sir Alan would.
Anyways, just so's we're clear. No! No-one's trying to steal anyone's identity here.
I was here first, and even if I wasn't I've never even heard of this other other Boring John - until now, that is (intravenously, as ever).
Hmm, guess I'm just goin' to have to reconcile myself to there being more than one Boring John in this world. Hmm, indeed!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
"I fail to assert my needs"
Who said that then?
Well it obviously wasn't me - not the sort of thing I'm ever heard saying, that's for bloody sure! So I guess it must have been Him. Not only did He say it, he's in a bloody touchy-feely magazine saying it WITH HIS PHOTO! Soft Git!
The thing is, He's proud of his answer-piece about how how men and women communicate (or something) - he's not embarassed at all. No wonder his siblings think he's, er, 'different'.
So, the magazine?
Psychologies magazine of course, dear blog reader - what other magazine could it possibly be?
(When am I going to get the interview callup for Nuts magazine, or Zoo, that's what I want to know? Then I'll tell Nuts about my failing to assert my needs - failing at least 3 times a night, I should coco! Heheh! )
Well it obviously wasn't me - not the sort of thing I'm ever heard saying, that's for bloody sure! So I guess it must have been Him. Not only did He say it, he's in a bloody touchy-feely magazine saying it WITH HIS PHOTO! Soft Git!
The thing is, He's proud of his answer-piece about how how men and women communicate (or something) - he's not embarassed at all. No wonder his siblings think he's, er, 'different'.
So, the magazine?
Psychologies magazine of course, dear blog reader - what other magazine could it possibly be?
(When am I going to get the interview callup for Nuts magazine, or Zoo, that's what I want to know? Then I'll tell Nuts about my failing to assert my needs - failing at least 3 times a night, I should coco! Heheh! )
Monday, October 08, 2007
I can't talk right now...
I can't talk right now, as you may have noticed - sorry. The thing is, I'm in between revisions and it's all getting quite exciting, it really is. Revisions? Yep, the book that I'm in is being revised almost as I speak, and I'm having to concentrate my efforts over there, for now.
Draft #4 won't take long, though - just need to make sure 'the gig' is working, really.
Anyways, as I'm in my 'be nice to Him' mode right now - it's near the end of the book, see, and I'm meant to have softened towards The Daft Git a bit - I may as well wish his new special someone a happy birthday, ain't I? Hey, it costs me little, saying "Happy Birthday Debbi" after all. And I am already here, spouting.
No doubt He will tell her about my little post. Let's just hope her joy leads to his joy (if you know what I mean!) which, in turn, leads to some joy for lil ol' me. Well, I can hope anyway.
And for anyone else who is having a birthday on October 8th, 2007, Clare Grogan has something to say to y'all. Take it away Clare...
And, here's the Altered Images video to boot...
Draft #4 won't take long, though - just need to make sure 'the gig' is working, really.
Anyways, as I'm in my 'be nice to Him' mode right now - it's near the end of the book, see, and I'm meant to have softened towards The Daft Git a bit - I may as well wish his new special someone a happy birthday, ain't I? Hey, it costs me little, saying "Happy Birthday Debbi" after all. And I am already here, spouting.
No doubt He will tell her about my little post. Let's just hope her joy leads to his joy (if you know what I mean!) which, in turn, leads to some joy for lil ol' me. Well, I can hope anyway.
And for anyone else who is having a birthday on October 8th, 2007, Clare Grogan has something to say to y'all. Take it away Clare...
And, here's the Altered Images video to boot...
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Isn't it about time...
I said something here!
Yep, I guess it is.
O-kay...
"SOMETHING!"
Now come back when I can be bothered to say something important. Right now, I can't. I'm reposing. Ya got a problem with that? Well, let's take it outside, shall we? I'll wait for ya. No better still, you wait for me. I'll be there in a jiffy...
(Etc.)
Yep, I guess it is.
O-kay...
"SOMETHING!"
Now come back when I can be bothered to say something important. Right now, I can't. I'm reposing. Ya got a problem with that? Well, let's take it outside, shall we? I'll wait for ya. No better still, you wait for me. I'll be there in a jiffy...
(Etc.)
Thursday, August 23, 2007
If What?
Rudyard Kipling once wrote a poem called If
Go on, read it! It won't take long...
Done? Okay, now it's a nice poem and all - Mr Kipling does write exceedingly good words (sorry, couldn't resist!) - but still, bugger me! ya gotta be kidding, ain't ya Rudders? So that's all you've got to do to be a man? Well, sign me up for being a woman right now, then - cos no way can it be as hard as being a man (if Rudyard Kipling's right, that is!). Yeah, I'll put up with the periods and doin' doggie if that's what it takes to be a woman, anything but having to endure that litany of impossible qualities to simply being a man.
Or is Rudyard talking about "A Man", that close cousin of another mythical creature called Real Man?
Let me ask you something: Do we have terms like real woman? No, we don't. So why is there such a notion of a real man? There are good and bad men, but there are not real men, just like there's no such thing as "being black" - "You're not very black are you!" states the brain-dead bimbo! It's a load of bollocks summed up, beautifully and eloquently, by Rudyard Kipling's poem.
If indeed!
Go on, read it! It won't take long...
Done? Okay, now it's a nice poem and all - Mr Kipling does write exceedingly good words (sorry, couldn't resist!) - but still, bugger me! ya gotta be kidding, ain't ya Rudders? So that's all you've got to do to be a man? Well, sign me up for being a woman right now, then - cos no way can it be as hard as being a man (if Rudyard Kipling's right, that is!). Yeah, I'll put up with the periods and doin' doggie if that's what it takes to be a woman, anything but having to endure that litany of impossible qualities to simply being a man.
Or is Rudyard talking about "A Man", that close cousin of another mythical creature called Real Man?
Let me ask you something: Do we have terms like real woman? No, we don't. So why is there such a notion of a real man? There are good and bad men, but there are not real men, just like there's no such thing as "being black" - "You're not very black are you!" states the brain-dead bimbo! It's a load of bollocks summed up, beautifully and eloquently, by Rudyard Kipling's poem.
If indeed!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Self-fulfilling Prophecies
Question: do you believe in self-fulfilling prophecies?
Do you worry about something so much, the washing machine breaking down for example, or your boyfriend doing a runner with the neighbour, that it actually comes to pass?
Seriously. Do you? Has something you've worried about for a while now actually happened? Has it?
Well, if so, I've got another question for you: whyja do that then?
That's some pretty f*cked-up thinking habits ya got there, make no mistake. I'd go see someone about it, if I were you. And I'd definitely go get your washing machine checked over too.
Go on. Do it now. And keep the rest of us from yer doom and gloom scenarios. (Your sort is not wanted around these parts no more...)
Do you worry about something so much, the washing machine breaking down for example, or your boyfriend doing a runner with the neighbour, that it actually comes to pass?
Seriously. Do you? Has something you've worried about for a while now actually happened? Has it?
Well, if so, I've got another question for you: whyja do that then?
That's some pretty f*cked-up thinking habits ya got there, make no mistake. I'd go see someone about it, if I were you. And I'd definitely go get your washing machine checked over too.
Go on. Do it now. And keep the rest of us from yer doom and gloom scenarios. (Your sort is not wanted around these parts no more...)
"Are we turned off by sex?"
In the beginning, He used to write replies to magazine articles that particularly irritated Him. Well, as I fully reclaim ownership of this blog I'd like to do the same. And, as I'm a fictional character, my gloves can come off!
So, okay, the article appears in Psychologies magazine. It's an article about sex, but only women get to answer. Huh? Well, maybe there's your first problem pinned down straight away - no communication with the men folk!
Yes, several noteworthy and reasonably scrubbed-up-well women-types get to voice their viewpoints, a few of which I shall share. I shall do like Channel 4 though, and quote out of context so I can more fully take the p*ss!
Vitallia F tells us "Eventually sex will stop being sexy". And I say, er, no!
Sarah H, one of the few authors to be interviewed, comes up with the genius bit of insight, "How often you have sex doesn't matter, it's about how you do it". Well, thank you for that now get on yer back! (Ha ha, just joking. Promise. I'm not such a hoodlum, really. I wish.)
Infamous blogger Abby L (still hiding behind a nom de plume - what a wuss! Hee hee!), famous for a voracious sexual appetite (why that should be news, I don't know - if it's good enough for men, then it really should be good enough for women, too), comes up with this gem: "I believe better sex comes from a woman creating an honest dialogue with a partner and getting to know herself". Hmm, how do you go about doing that, exactly, doing your voracious thing? I might as well ask one of those Player types the secret to a good sex-life, hadn't I? Bing-bang-bong would be their reply, no doubt - several times a night. Hmm.
Helen T has something sensible to say. (Yippee!) It goes against the grain, but I reluctantly have to agree with her, "With my current boyfriend I waited a month before we had sex, and it was definitely better for it." Helen doesn't say what was better, but anyway.
And Kim M-D is having a career break. What the f*ck! What is having a career break? Is it being a Doley? Is it scrounging a living off your other half? Or is it raising a young family like they used to do back in the (bad old) day? Maybe women's lives have progressed so much that they genuinely do take career breaks. Or maybe it's middle class bollox for looking after the kids. I'm not sure.
--
And Boring John? Well, he isn't turned off by sex. Far from it. Very much far from it. (Alas.)
So, okay, the article appears in Psychologies magazine. It's an article about sex, but only women get to answer. Huh? Well, maybe there's your first problem pinned down straight away - no communication with the men folk!
Yes, several noteworthy and reasonably scrubbed-up-well women-types get to voice their viewpoints, a few of which I shall share. I shall do like Channel 4 though, and quote out of context so I can more fully take the p*ss!
Vitallia F tells us "Eventually sex will stop being sexy". And I say, er, no!
Sarah H, one of the few authors to be interviewed, comes up with the genius bit of insight, "How often you have sex doesn't matter, it's about how you do it". Well, thank you for that now get on yer back! (Ha ha, just joking. Promise. I'm not such a hoodlum, really. I wish.)
Infamous blogger Abby L (still hiding behind a nom de plume - what a wuss! Hee hee!), famous for a voracious sexual appetite (why that should be news, I don't know - if it's good enough for men, then it really should be good enough for women, too), comes up with this gem: "I believe better sex comes from a woman creating an honest dialogue with a partner and getting to know herself". Hmm, how do you go about doing that, exactly, doing your voracious thing? I might as well ask one of those Player types the secret to a good sex-life, hadn't I? Bing-bang-bong would be their reply, no doubt - several times a night. Hmm.
Helen T has something sensible to say. (Yippee!) It goes against the grain, but I reluctantly have to agree with her, "With my current boyfriend I waited a month before we had sex, and it was definitely better for it." Helen doesn't say what was better, but anyway.
And Kim M-D is having a career break. What the f*ck! What is having a career break? Is it being a Doley? Is it scrounging a living off your other half? Or is it raising a young family like they used to do back in the (bad old) day? Maybe women's lives have progressed so much that they genuinely do take career breaks. Or maybe it's middle class bollox for looking after the kids. I'm not sure.
--
And Boring John? Well, he isn't turned off by sex. Far from it. Very much far from it. (Alas.)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
The Salmon Dance?
Is this De La Soul or maybe it's even a quirkier-than-usual Lemon Jelly.
Nah, tis The Chemicals (press play!)...
Fancy.
Actually, I don't fancy yours much at all! ("Who's hungry?")
Nah, tis The Chemicals (press play!)...
Fancy.
Actually, I don't fancy yours much at all! ("Who's hungry?")
Three Steps to Heaven
- Get your favourite pair of sunglasses. Buff them up nice and make sure you can see your face reflected back.
- Sit yourself down, or stand up - heaven is flexible like that - and turn up the volume control a little on your computer.
- Press play |> below; and listen, feel, and nod your head if necessary (and just toss glasses in the bin)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
