When Friends P*** You Off! - Boring John, World According to

Friday, August 04, 2006

When Friends P*** You Off!

When friends annoy you, one of several reactions occur in my modest experience:

  1. You act maturely, calmly and (assertively) express your feelings in a hope that they won't do that again, as their friendship is important. You discuss their behaviour and your behaviour and try and learn from the interraction. You, or your friend, may even behave differently

  2. You send off the first email/text message that comes to mind telling them in no uncertain terms how disappointed you are with them and their behaviour. You tell them that their 'friendship' is no longer needed, and that they were never a friend in the first place. (That is, if they 'disappointed' via text or email. If they 'disappointed' you face to face, or via telephone, then you just scream abuse at them, and then tell them them that your friendship is over.)

  3. You do something in between 1. and 2.
The truth is, you get to learn a lot about yourself through the good and bad times that friendship brings.

So when friends disappoint you with their behaviour you get to think why they disappoint you and why you feel disappointed.

You won't be surprised to hear, that I am actually talking from current experience.

See how well I walk the talk below.

Decide which reaction (1.,2. or 3.) I decided to take.

And, again dear reader, you are most welcome to comment.

Subject: Phone calls
Dear [Friend's name]

As I said yesterday, I don't really want to talk on the phone
about this. Maybe I am more cross than I admit, but I have no
right to be - I can see how 'something had to give' juggling
between your hectic social life and getting your academic work

I still like you very much, but I do not like the unevenness
of our friendship, and have always felt a bit uneasy about it
if I'm being honest. I should have said so, before now really.

I also don't like the ambiguities in our 'friendship' - I have
always thought of you as a friend first, rather than as a
potential lover.

Good friendships matter to me more than potential lovers, if
the truth be told.

Sorry if I'm overreacting a bit here, but this, to me, is a 'final
straw'. I am, despite my best efforts, still someone who 'puts
up with things' so far and then 'explode' when I feel enough

is enough.

I certainly would like to stay friends, but our friendship
would have to change for that to work for me.

If we just stay friends on the phone, then that is fine, but I
wouldn't want to be seen as your 'counselling friend'. I have
played the "friend's in bad times but never in good times" role
with other friends in the past and it's never satisfactory.

And I guess I'd have to learn to be much more chilled. (I
am getting better, believe it or not!)

So, if you don't mind, can you please find someone else to
go to the Reading Rock festival
. I will either go to my friends
birthday party in Bath the next day, or I won't go at all. Either
way, I won't be coming to Reading that weekend.

You have disappointed me, [Friend's Name], but that is as much
my fault as it is yours.

I wish you well with the course-work, and going to Barcelona and
all the other stuff you're going to be doing in August.

And keep smiling. I will, for sure.


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