The World According to... Boring John

Hmm, time for a little bit of introspection methinks. A little bit more than usual, actually. So what's the point of Boring John?

Well, Boring John is a fictional character that provides the author a vehicle to express himself. I guess. Obviously the author doesn't agree with everything that appears on here. (Which bits does he agree with and which bits does he think are tosh? Ah, that's for him to know and for you to find out!) I find Boring John amusing, though. Do you?

But Boring John is more than that. It's an opportunity for the author to write. And in the absence of the development of a first novel, writing blog entries up here will have to do.

So, in that vein, here are some of the author's notes, scribbled almost illegibly onto a scrap of A4 paper about some guy or other...

(A)

As he grew up he thought little about it. When he was a teenager girls just didn't look. But when he was in his twenties, when some girls looked (but not the ones he wanted to) he decided he would only marry a woman when he truly, truly, truly knew that he would not want to look any more. (That's a lot of 'truly's.)

(B)

"What can you write a novel about?" she asked, sneeringly

Life, love, anything... something.

But the ridicule continued. "You have not lived! You have not experienced! You have not done!"

No?

Doing is not necessary to write my name but thinking is. Yes thinking, imagining, trying to understand - I do a lot of that.

My only ambition after writing and seeing this book published is that she - Ellie - reads the book. She won't though, or if she does she'll find it dull. [She's forgotten about it already. She's moved on. She's worrying about her own life, her own goals, (the Iraq war) and certainly won't remember that time when she was a little too quick to dismiss someone else's dream. Get over it. - Ed.]

(C)

This is not a history of love, Nicole, but thanks for sharing. This is the story of how one little boy finally squares the circle of love.

(D)

Once upon a time there was a boy whose Mum and Dad fell out of love. They divorced. He was six. He then decided that he would never ever, ever, ever divorce his wife. And that would mean he would have to be really, really, really sure he married the right woman