Sing Along With Boring John

Sing along!

Sing along!

Sing along!

With Boring John

Are You Talking To Me...

Or Chewing A Brick?

Ah, that's how jolly clever we were in the 1970s and 80s.

Now it's the twenty first century and Mark Joyner wants to know this:

Do You Make Me Vomit?

(Well do ya, do ya punk?)

Me and Thomas Jefferson Agree...

"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom."

Yes. It's quotations time, folks. Maybe you think that a lot of those words of wisdom are a lot of tosh or easier said than done or whatever. Well let me tell you whatever.

Whatever!

When your days are done; when the earth is no more; and when the universe has shrivelled back into the hole whence it came, the words of wisdom you sneer at unbelievingly, well they will still be true.

Wisdom will always be.

Just because you, and me sometimes don't get me wrong, can't fit wisdom into your time-pressured existence don't make it wrong.

It aint wrong, it's the truth; can ya stand the double truth (Ruth)?

As regards honesty, it's one of the few things I admire about Da Other Guy actually. He don't always achieve perfect honesty but he has always, since I have known him anyway, held honesty to be one of his core values.

So, dude, today I salute You!

But tomorrow Your toned-up health-freak of an ass is mine!

BJ? That sounds rude!

"BJ?

"That sounds rude!" she says.

"No it bloody doesn't!" I reply, "They're my initials, Boring John. Can I help it if they're also shared by that activity that women claim to be so great at doing! ('Ouch! Mind yer teeth love!')

"Are you bloody obsessed with sex or what?"

Well. Are you?

Mr Vanillah?

(Yet another uncategorised post by Me.)

Boring John, or That Other Guy (I'm not sure which) is presently trawling through some personal journals, looking for inspiration or something. Anyway, he found a reference to a diary entry that referred to Someone looking for a Mr Vanillah.

I wonder how that search is going now, a few years later.

We forgot that She was once looking for a Mr Vanillah, actually, forgot that She hasn't always been looking for the unlikely and ultimately unsatisfying mister they call Mr Goodbar.

"Couldn't Mr Vanillah be Mr Goodbar too, Boring John?"

No.

How to solve problems?

Rest easy, this is not about the DIY mess you made yesterday. Nor is it about solving sudoku puzzles or -- and this is where you should really breathe a sigh of relief -- how to solve your love life problems.

Well, not really.

It's more about the time that you should solve problems.

So. Do you, for example, solve all problems now even if you never actually have to face all of the problems that you solve? Or do you think it's better to solve problems as and when they appear, even though you might not be able to when the time comes?

Me and A Guy I Know share a similar failing in that we both like to clear the forest first before we take our first step.

Yeah, this is kind of a rhetorical question I guess as I know what the answer is. Still, I'd be interested in what you have to say. Really.

Three Characters Walk Into A Pub...

1) These three characters walk into a pub: The Reader, The Writer and The Leading Man. They make their way to the bar. There, they start to eye each other up, each expecting the other to perform, to do something, to 'dance, monkey, dance!'. But the sign on the wall clearly states: No Dancing!.

2) So they all turn around and leave.

3) No this is not a joke (I don't believe in jokes, remember!), this is based on a true story. Cos all stories are true, right, whether fictional or non-fictional. If someone imagines it, it must be true.

4) Anyway, These Three Characters? They're just outside, waiting: waiting for directions; waiting for a new page, for the status quo to be broken, for someone to blink!

5) (Blinkin' ell!)

PS Yes today is the day that The Writer copies entries from this blog to put into the book. He's feeling rather pleased with himself, actually, because He's come up with a clever way to reuse much of what he has written over the years -- poems, journals, blogs, even the precious piece called Blocked that he wrote at Arvon, during October 2006 -- into his book. I guess his internet marketing training is paying off for him at last.

Is this real...

or am I dreaming?

And if I am dreaming, why is it always with the nightmares?

I Know Someone who wants to moan about a sibling of his. But he can feck off and get his own blog! As for this - it will be updated, I mean corrected, soon!

Now bugger off. I don't feel like talking today!

BJ on Wisdom & Communication

Listen carefully to what people say when giving you advice about how to deal with someone. They're really swaying, this is how I want you to treat me!

(I've only put this here as it won't go there!)

More Sex!

I've just been doing a review of "my world" and you know what...

there's not enough SEX!

What's wrong with me! Don't I like doin it or something?

There's also a complete absence of Love, Death, Hatred, Laughter and definitely, definitely, definitely not enough about internet dating. (Oh boy, I could write for hours about that kind of loopy love!)

So I'm putting the record straight.

I've now created 5 new labels, and I may go through by back catalogue (!) of postings and add where appropriate. Or I might just write some new posts about love, death, hatred (nasty business), laughter (not enuf!) and internet dating (loopy business).

Care to comment?

"A put down..."

"A put down! Won't someone please think of a put down!" (With thanks to The Simpons, as ever!)

(Boy, I'm distracted today. I don't know what's come into me.)

Yes, here are some put downs you can aim at me, or anyone male that you care to think of. Someone I Know received them a long time ago in a land far away, via email; I think they were meant to be jokes.

Actually, these are quite funny -- much better than the usual tosh served up by email jokes. (Haven't you jokes people got something better to do! You know like watching Big Brother or sending out mind-numbing bulletins on Myspace or counting your shoes, even! Tch.)

Anyway, for those of you who don't have anything better to do right now (like me, obviously) here are some classic (and otherwise) put downs.

Give it your best shot, baby!

Guy: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Guy: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Girl: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Guy: "Your place or mine?"
Girl: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Guy: "I can see forever in your eyes."
Girl: "But all I can see is never in yours."

Guy: "Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?"
Girl: "Yeah, but this time don't stop!"

Guy: "I want to give myself to you."
Girl: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

He: "Would you like to dance?"
She: "Not with you."
He: "Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I just did."

(Trust a man to always want the last say, eh! ;-) )

He: "Do you wanna dance?"
She: "Yeah but not with you!"
He: "You must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants!"

(By 'eck, he's on a roll!)

Me: Do you come here often?
You: [Add your comments below, baby. You know you want to! ;-) ]

Boring John's World Looks Like This...

The world according to Boring John a la March 2007.

Well it looks a lot like the list below(*).

About ME (8)
BJ Thoughts (113)
BLOGS (20)
Communication (25)
Dreams (6)
Fear (13)
Jokes (1)
Life (39)
People (38)
Poetry (6)
Problems (32)
Procrastination (20)
Relationships (53)
Religion (1)
Sex (25)
Tosh (96)
What Do I Know? (77)
Wisdom (41)
Words (6)

These are the subjects that are interesting me, obviously.

Who'd have thought that Sex would only score a 25, especially when Relationships has the third highest score (number of postings) of 53. Come to think of it, perhaps a ratio of 1 to 2, sex to relationships, aint that bad. (I know lots of 'real' people (including some women) who would die for such portions! Yes, die!)

Clearly, I think too much in the virtual world. There's a surprise!

I do not think that much about religion (though that first post is a particularly fine one, even if I do say so myself), nor do I care for jokes.

I'm into wisdom and words and ME.

Google isn't into me, though. I don't even appear first in the listings for Boring John. I mean that's my name, Google, ferchrissakes! John Boring clearly is NOT Boring John. (And why am I only being found for stoopid terms like protectmyidentity.co.uk ? I need to get famous, and fast!)

But, what do I know? I know a lot about Tosh! ;-)

(And if you like my tosh then do subscribe to my blog whydontya. It's easy. You'll find a link to click below the pic of the little boy in the sailor's uniform. Any monkey can do it! [Erm, I think you'll find that that sailors uniform is the closest thing that kid, the Pele of his generation, had to a football shirt - Ed, aka The Writer.]

* Yes, this is yet another example of this character living out his life here, in this blog, when he should be making paper pages quiver with his wit and disdain for life.

What's wrong with little Johnny! Why won't he come out to play? (You're right, replied The Writer, let's add this post to the Procrastination label too and then get bouncing on the blue ball!)

Values?

(The character who expresses the views below really should be doing something else right now. He really should be acting out his character in the book that he stars in. Is this inactivity his fault, or the Writer's fault? I'm not sure and will get back to you on that one. Okay...)

Values: a question.

Do I share your values and if I don't should I?

This is one of those deep and meaningful questions that really should get the juices flowing. Understanding your answer really will help you communicate better, especially with those few that seem utterly puzzling to communicate with.

Consider answering the question your homework.

You are not allowed to post any comments on this blog without first satisfactorily answering that question to yourself. You will know what satisfactory means.

I'll get you started shall I by answering the question myself

My answer: Some of them, and no

My, your balls are looking...

BLUE!

(Apropos of nothing at all, I'm sure!)

PS That fellah Neruda, Pablo Neruda, musta had big blue balls too! As he wrote this once: Love is short, forgetting is so long

You Said What?

Little bird, you said what?

To who?

Oh my god, oh my god, "Please not Flanders, please not Flanders, please not Flanders"

Let's hope she thinks it's just one big joke. Let's hope she doesn't notice. Let's just hope she replies to A N Other instead!

Oh my god, oh my god, "Please not Flanders, please not Flanders, please not Flanders"

Groundhog (rainy) days

Message to MySpace Agent

Hi

Ever seen Groundhog Day? Great movie starring that guy with the hangdog face - Bill Murray. Anyway, he keeps on reliving the same day, over and over again. He gets bored, as you might imagine and he even actually tries to kill himself in more and more bizarre ways. This all fascinated me, especially as it didn't matter what he did that day, he would always wake up at the beginning of the very same day, and have to have the very same conversations with the very same people (he even had to watch the street beggar die, but that's another story).

Anyway, the reason I'm writing is that whatever he did (or wrote!) it did not change anything. There were no consequences to his actions, because whatever he did elicited the same response, or the same turn of events.

So, beam back to MySpace.

Imagine, if you will, someone sending someone else (let's use the initials A.B. to protect the guilty) MySpace messages. Witty, friendly, hostile, pained and, if I'm being honest, tediously long messages, not too dissimilar to this post in actual fact.

Imagine (if you can!) that A.B. never responds to these messages. Never. Would that mean that this someone would stop sending the messages eventually, irritated by the non-responsiveness. Or, would it mean, buoyed by the absence of feedback (negative or positive) this someone would just carry on sending. Click, send. Click, send. Click, send. Would this someone get more and more bold in what they feel able to say?

It's an interesting one, for sure. Only for those with nothing better to do on a Sunday I agree, for sure.

Take it from me, A.B., that a little birdy told me that silence has no power anymore. It's normal. It does not disarm or disable or demean. In fact it empowers and vindicates. Utterly so. Amazingly so. The little bird would chirp. The boy cried wolf too often, birdy would say. The little boy just cried too often.

No, what worked and what continues to work are short left-field replies that cut to the nub of the matter with brutal incision. For example, one such reply might involve the admittedly somewhat puzzling expression, ego vertigo. Puzzling to little birdy, anyway.

"Anyway, it's a rainy day (days I most enjoy)," this someone might say, "and I thought I'd share this thought with you. Yes, I admit it, I was thinking about you. It's Sunday, after all".

People are funny, aren't they. As are little birdies and little boys.

Why can't they all just get along?

Who Says RoMance is Dead?

Not Me!

Today's Message...

Today's message from the Don't Sweat The Small Stuff 2007 calendar is...

"Your time and energy are among your most precious and important assets. It's extremely important to make wise and well-thought-out choices about who you spend your time with."

Actually, this is the message for Sunday Feb. 25 - the day My Author went to Barcelona for a few days.

'Hmm, fascinating,' I heard him think.

Egotick Me

Egotistical?

Moi?

You've been reading the wrong blog!

PS Whilst you're here - would you mind terribly if you EgoTick Me!

Shapeshifters

What are shapeshifters?

I have an idea, but I may well be wrong. So let's see what others think:

• Shapeshifters are characters that play more than one role in a novel (initially a friend to the protagonist, say, that then becomes a foe)
  
  - From the world according to Nick Daws
  
  
• Shapeshifters are a band, man!
  
  - From the world according to Google
  
  
• Shapeshifting is a change in the physical form or shape of a person or animal
  
  - From the world according to Wikipedia
  
  
• Shapeshifters are those who trim themselves to suit everybody [so that they] soon whittle themselves away
  
  - From the misquoted world of Charles Schwab
  
  
• Shapeshifters are...?
  
  - From the world according to YOU

Yes, you the reader, I want to know what you think shapeshifters are. It's important. The world according to Boring John depends on it...