The World According to... Boring John

3. Prince Charming

This was going to be the beginning of my personal ad. for a dating site I was *going* to join...

If you're looking for Prince Charming, Mr Right or any other mythical creatures then I have these word of caution for you:

1) I'm not your man

2) And, if you think you've found him after a few emails, a flurry of text message flirts and two great dates then... I'm *definitely* not your man.

Prince Charming's, like most mythical creatures, are very elusive!

In fact they are so cunningly elusive that they pretend to be everything but "Mr Rights" when you meet them. And this is especially true if you happen to be looking for a "Mr Right" at the time.

The harder you look for him, the more this chameleon becomes what you're not looking for.

Your instincts tell you he's wrong. And when have your instincts ever been wrong, before?

You want to meet someone different, someone [insert ideal male characteristics here].

The trouble is, when you meet that someone special -- and this is the Hollywood edit of this pouty-piece, where I clumsily hammer home the point I'm trying to make -- you don't know how to deal with that person.

You don't trust them, or you don't understand why they behave differently to the other men you've been with. Shouldn't it be easier than this, you think? (Remember what happened the last time it was *real easy*? Don't give me that adamant "I don't know what you're talking about look" to me, you know exactly what happened.

'Tits up' is exactly what I'm saying, or tights down (far too fast)!)

What do you expect from a Mythical Creature, really?

The same ol' same ol'?

It's meant to be a challenge, finding the One, so take the challenge. Challenge yourself to think differently, to respond differently, to act differently!

Here endeth the sermon from Boring John, 'the one' for someone who can be arsed to look for him.

Of course, I'm just an ordinary man - not *even* a woman; there's nothing mythical or special about me. So who am I to tell you about finding the right guy?

After all, you're just single now because you choose to be; because you've been 'unlucky in love'; because there genuinely *is* a shortage of 'good guys' out there.

Yeah, I hear ya girl, 'lo siento' and all that.

(Insert Typical Homer Simpson sound here!)

As I said, I was going to put that in my profile.

I don't think it's gonna float, though. No sane woman's gonna listen to that nonsense now is she?