A boy I know, I won't say who - anonymity is the theme for today (you see!) - has very recently been trying to 'get some' with a woman he blew out a few months ago. (By the way, when he says 'blew out' he means 'got bored with waiting for her to be available' after a promising first 'hot kissing in the car park after' date and a 'limpish, hmm limpish' follow up a few days later.)
Now he may be a boy, but he's certainly a man when it comes to being affilicted by not being ruled by the head, sometimes. Naturally he only tells me this after a few beers, a bottle of whisky and we're started on the vodka. In these days of equality (?), he confesses that he has sometimes not even been ruled by his heart. (Shame on him.)
[This was meant to be a short and punchy piece about 'how you dump someone', not a load of guff about hearts and heads. Just use the word, man - he's ruled by his dick! Ed]
As I was saying, ahem!, he wasn't that into her (and he knew *he* wasn't really her type, either) but he really did want to kiss her again. So he signed up to the dating sites where they met (he'd deleted her numbers and emails ages back, right!) and cut to the chase...
Internet dating messages...
then Windows Messenger...
and then, finally, an email.
(Not too clever my friend, as if he could contact her via IM then he had her email address and he really didn't need to open up the Pandoras Box* that is Soulmates. "D'oh!" as his favourite TV character would say.)
Now it could have gone several ways, so he tells me, but it didn't! See below. But it got me thinking, in these days of almost unlimited choice when it comes to dating, how do you actually go about telling someone that isn't quite what you want that he (or she) is not quite what you want!
Obviously, silence and ignoring them works. Always has done, and always will. But that is not my style - it's shabby, it's cowardly, it's weak. It's also not the style of my friend, either - the *he* that I'm referring to.
Apparently if you just come on all strong, emotionally and everything, and tell the woman how much you love her, and need her, and can't wait to see her again and you also ask about 'Dave', her friend, and ask who he is, and wonder why she likes going for a lunchtime drink with him, and get all sulky about it when she won't stop having a lunchtime drink with him - that works too!
Takes far too long, though, eh!
Or...
you could try these lines:
"I am flattered by your interest in me! You are a lovely, charming and funny guy...great company. But....that is it. Sorry!"
"Masterful. Women. The great communicators."
That's what my friend said to me just moments ago. And you know what, today, I have to agree with him.
(*) I meant this
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