The Wisdom of One - Boring John, World According to

Friday, June 09, 2006

The Wisdom of One


The Wisdom of the Un-wise

I never like reading about how easy someone finds doing something, say slimming or speaking another language or even writing, when that someone never had a problem doing it in the first place.

They offer wisdom which is little more than "I can do it, it's easy, so you should be able to do it too."

This wisdom helps no-one. It isn't wisdom.

To my mind, the only words that are wise come from those that have had the problem, and solved it, or those that never had the problem but can empathise with those that do and their words offer guidance to them accordingly.


Has Boring John got sun-stroke or something?

"What's with all the words that mean nothing, dude?"


I just read a piece in a magazine called Psychologies, about one night stands written by a woman who enjoyed them (she calls them ONS), but is now 'past that sort of thing', i.e. she has something much better.

And whilst I was impressed with her honesty, her lack of insight masquerading as wisdom galled me A LOT.

And then I remembered one of my pet hates: bad wisdom. (Like bad sex, you think it's going to do you some good, but it isn't).

For bad wisdom, read un-wisdom, or non-wisdom.

Okay, I'll reproduce the notes from my scribblings in answer to the article. Unfortunately, I forget the title of the piece, and the name of author - you see what happens when the mouth-foam appears! Basically, it's an one page article detailing one woman's experiences of one night stands, all 25 of them, between the ages of 19 and 26.

Okay, so what you get from this article is a quite frank account of each of this woman's 25 ONS (I'll use her terminology).

She rates the sex and makes comments on the experience as a whole.

Only once did she feel used; and only a few times did she have fantastic sex; but - and this is when I started to get galled - her last ONS was, surprise surprise, her best experience, so much so that she is still with this man.

So, my first thoughts were:

1) What would you think if a MAN wrote a piece about his 25 ONS experiences with women, some of which involved not caring about what the other person felt afterwards?

Okay, that doesn't mean that she coldn't write the piece, but I think you'll agree that such an article would be viewed differently if written by a man.

2) In that vein of sexuality inequality, I then thought that the author was quite bold in admitting that she had had (at least) 25 sexual experiences. I have *never* met a woman who would admit to such a fact, it's always usually 8 or 9 partners.

This reluctance to be honest is understandable, I suppose, living as we do in this sexually judgemental world where men's opinions seem to be the only opinions.

That's why I admire the author's honesty (if not her wisdom).

3) But then the galling (to me) undertone of her piece hit me: her implied wisdom of "Have fun - sleep around - you're only young once"; followed by "But once you're older you should find something better".

It's like she's saying that the only time to have fun is when you're young.

Well what if someone, my friend say, wants to have fun when they're older? What if they weren't able to have fun when they were younger, as they were far too busy being serious?

This is the Wisdom of One I'm talking about.

This woman has solved her problem, maybe she never had a problem to solve, and she now feels quite comfortable crowing about how great her life is.


Have you learnt anything, Ms Author, other than that you're a little miss clever clogs?

And, if so, have you shared it with us?

No, no, no! No you bloody well haven't!

Okay, I shall try to illuminate on her behalf on the pros and conds of having one night stands.

I've had several one night stand experiences, not 25 - I wish! (Actually, no, I don't!). And I can agree with the author in that they were a mixed bag of experiences, mostly good, and some very bad!
  • Only once did I leave early-ish with absolutely no intention of ever meeting the woman again. (Slow learner that I am, I never twigged that one night standers don't necessarily expect anything the next day!)
  • I certainly don't recommend them but they can serve a purpose
So what did I learn about my experiences?

Not much, to be honest, other than we all want to meet someone special.

And it takes some of us a longer time to achieve this than others.

We all learn at different rates.

Some of us are blessed with innate wisdom, in a particular area of our lives, whilst others struggle a lifetime to 'get it' and still others drink themselves into oblivion or busy themselves with chores, and TV, and chores whilst watching the TV, so that they never have to confront the challenges of their life.

We're all different.

But we all have challenges.

And wisdom, true wisdom, applies to us all.

So my wisdom is this: just because it works for you - "I eat what I like, don't exercise, and don't eat vegetables, but my Doc. says I'm fit and healthy" -- doesn't mean it's going to work for me, or for anyone else.

So, what I'd really liked to have known from our much- chastised and anonymous author is an answer to this question: WHAT DID YOU LEARN about yourself, and the men you slept with, during this time? Andy why was ONS #25 the One?

As for you, dear reader, I have question too: should I get out more?

I ask you this, because I think I've completely failed to articulate the un-wisdom of this woman's words and it's sunny outside so I will, indeed, get out. Now!

[Tch! Poor effort. Poor effort, indeed, Mr John!]

PS All of this reminds of this woman's quest to go
around the world in 80 dates. Now she learnt something, in her own personal journey, that we can all learn from!

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